Cigar(s) of the Month(s): A Rocky Patel Bonanza! (Also, Bite me, FDA) (Also, join the CRA!)

I'm hoping this giveaway takes up some of the slack of going AWOL. Speaking of slack, I've mastered the slacker lifestyle when it comes to the blog. But I'm trying to be better! And I know you'll forgive me because I'm giving shit away, and you can be easily bribed. (No judgments. So can I.)

So without further ado,* I give you this:  (Wait. I'm not giving it to you yet. One of you can win it. Go to the bottom of the post for the actual Rafflecopter giveawayness.)



At least all this can be yours. Who knows what else we'll throw in!

We're at the point now that we could really use another 2,000-count humidor to go with these:



And this:

Actually overfull now... :(
And the shelves were bowed when we got it.
 

They're all super-full now! Like, "air-flow isn't flowing optimally because there's literally no room to breathe" full. 

When Valentino wasn't looking (or so I thought), I pulled these Rocky Patels from the masses to give to one of you. He caught me. But since I had already made the promise, at least in my head, he didn't chop off one of my hands.**

This arm-waving did happen, though:

So back in the old-timey days (pre-August 8, 2016), many cigar companies were kind enough to give me cigars to give you.

Then August 8 happened, courtesy of the FDA, and now, among other iron-fist rulings, cigar companies are no longer allowed to give away cigars for any reason, unless a cigar shop does not yet carry that blend. Then they get one to try.  This also means no charity donations, including to overseas troops. And no free cigars for you unless they come from our personal humidors.

Rocky and Valentino

In honor of Rocky Patel's visit to Rhode Island last year right about this time, we thought the selection apropos--even if it also means I have to go back to school shortly. ::weeps openly::

Rocky Patel (the man) is also an amazing supporter of Cigar Rights of America,*** so really, full-tilt serendipity brought this post together.  (If you aren't a member of CRA, do it now. Tell them I sent you! And pay attention to all the options on the Rafflecopter giveaway--there are bonus entries if you're a member or become one!)

In the meantime, enter, share, win. Maybe we'll even have more than one winner! (Don't tell Valentino!)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Much Ado about Nothing is one of my favorite plays!

**Theres a place for a really dirty joke here, but I'll let you make it on your own; that way you can feel really clever at my expense. You're welcome.

***Full disclosure: I am a CRA Ambassador, so this is an official shake-down.****

****Kidding! I'm kidding! It's an UN-official shakedown!

Why I don't post every day.

My friend Pat (Hi Pat!) is a supergreat lady and BFF Jame's mom.

Sometimes, when a blogger she loves takes a break or doesn't post regularly, Pat says, "[Name of blogger] has gone off her blog."

I go off my blog pretty regularly--days pass and I know you miss me. Sorry! I miss you too!

I wish I could post a lovely, witty, clever story daily. Except some days I don't feel lovely or witty, or even especially clever. Sometimes these are days I've "gone off the Adderall." Sometimes I sensory-overloaded the previous day or two, sending my body into a tizzy, because MS is an asshole.*

I never go off the blog because I lack content ideas. Currently, 67 stories live in the blogger draft folder and another million in my brain draft folder--and don't forget pictures on my iPhone demanding words.

I'm unsure how long a blog post takes other folks to write, but for Love of the Leaf? I average four hours for 400-500 words. Four. Hours. Think I'm crazy? Take a look at a post creation, the 5 things about CRA (Star Wars edition), created in the Habanos Cigar Lounge members' room:

3 months (at least): You need to write about the Cigar Rights of America organization, my brain tells me. I promise. With my fingers crossed.

1 hour: Research CRA, reading their website, current national, state, and local issues, previously submitted legislation and results.  Drink Diet Coke, thanks to bartender.

Without you, DC, I am nothing.

1/2 an hour: Make a list of "things," culled from research, that require inclusion for an audience with a slight working knowledge of the organization. Come up with a dozen.

1/2 an hour: Delete extraneous and repetitive topics and pile a couple together, all while eating cookies. Realize there are still seven (items on the list, not cookies).

1/2 an hour: Play Sophie's Choice, trying to determine which points readers should know about most. (Five things is random but it's a manageable number for most topics.)

You guys. I need this. Need it badly or I will die.
Available here.

1/2 an hour, many more cookies: Expand on points, adding details and explanations, along with a brief introduction.

5 minutes: Read post, finding it so boring I nod off. Consume more Diet Coke in huge quantities.

20 minutes: Look at Google images, putting in keywords from the (boring) text. Consider featuring Archer gifs again just because...Archer.

Because Archer.

5 minutes: Re-reread boring text and spot a glimmer of an idea. If only the CRA had a version of the Force to say, "This is not the legislation you are looking for" to the Evil Empire's stormtroopers.

1/2 an hour: Rewrite entire piece with Star Wars extended metaphor. Feel smugly genius throughout revision.

40 minutes: Reread. Feel the opposite of awesome. 700 words. I edit out clutter, helping verbs, prepositional phrases, adverbs, and all the other word detritus, inching closer to (self-imposed) 400-word "5 Things" limit. Hit 500 words. Think about throwing in the towel and saying, "Meh. Good enough."

20 minutes: Pound head on glass table out of frustration, which also dislodges remaining active brain cells. Cut another hundred words.

5 minutes: Valentino reads the piece. A friend (with 90+ books published) says, "Good editors make good writers." True story. Our hero points out a sentence unclear beyond the limits of my brain. He offers suggestions for a funnier turn of phrase, kisses me on the top of the head (as all good editors should), and flees writer central.

15 minutes: Revise again.

Publish blog post.

10 minutes: Reread 500 times and make adjustments.

Post on Facebook.**

Lather, rinse, repeat.


I can do both in the Habanos Members' Room.

*I don't need to hear about how diet soda will make my head explode and/or is giving me MS. I literally have one vice: Diet Coke.

**Do you like our Facebook page yet? You should. We're giving away stuff on there! You like stuff! We like giving stuff!

5 Things about... Cigar Rights of America (Star Wars Edition)

Full disclosure: I am the least political person on the planet. Okay, maybe it's a tie between me and a newborn, but I'm pretty sure I fall below that precious bundle.

I'm never going to get into a debate about which candidate (for anything) is better, why the [insert noun here] should be [verb], or chatter on about "Can you believe the..." At this point, I scroll on down the Facebook feed.

However! Even I, the most neutral of all sentient beings in the galaxy, see the necessity of Cigar Rights of America (CRA), as state and federal leaders ban cigar smokers* from buildings and parks and towns,** impose outrageous taxes, and attempt to crush an entire industry.


[source]

5. The Food and Drug Administration geniuses*** are creating the Death Star of legislation and regulations that "could cripple the premium cigar industry by banning walk-in humidors, defacing or covering cigar box artwork, and requiring manufacturers to submit their blends for “testing” before they can be sold." Consider them the tyrannical Galactic Empire and CRA the Rebel Alliance, sadly, without lightsabers.

I wish.

4. CRA (Cigar Rebel Alliance, if you will) is committed to protecting the rights of the growers, manufacturers, retailers, and consumers of premium cigars by serving as a voice at each level of government. I just wish they had droids.

3. Use the Force. (That's you, by the way.) Because the Cigar Rebel Alliance is a grassroots movement, the Luke Skywalkers (growers and rollers), Han Solos (retailers), and Princess Leias (owners and executives) need to come together to create a strong voice, with the goals of changing "the course of policy, perception, and elections."

[source]

2. We have our very own Obi-Wan Kenobi. Or Yoda. I couldn't settle on which metaphor worked better. But we have him: Glynn Loope, the Alliance's Executive Director.

1. We mustn't let them complete the Death Star. "Cigar Rights of America (CRA) is the first and only consumer-based public advocacy group fighting to protect the individual rights to enjoy premium cigars. Over the past twenty years, the anti-tobacco movement’s reach has broadened, and your ability to enjoy premium cigars and freely participate in a relaxing, social activity has been continually regulated and restricted."

All information about the CRA culled from the organization's official website.
All information about Star Wars retrieved from my massive Star Wars brain.



*And those squirrelly cigarette smokers who quickly puff for a fix rather than relaxation and contemplation.

**An exaggeration, but barely.

***I'm being facetious, obvs.