You say stalkers...

On the phone again. This is getting to be a way of life. And a permanent "Get out of blame" card for all errors because the letters are so so so little. 

Anyway, as I was saying, you say "stalker" and we say "obsessed fans also in search of a good time and a better cigar."

And that's how we've already managed to be in two cigar shops over the course of a few hours. 

I blame these guys, who are now BFFs. 

Our hero on the left and La Aurora's Master Blender Manuel Inoa on the right.  
(Hi Julio, lurking innocently in the background!)

Valentino and I currently live in an area where a cigar shop resides on every third corner. (Hyperbole, but not by much.) 

When cigar celebrities come to town, Rhode Island offers many an opportunity to meet the smokers. So during their travels today, La Aurora's Master Blender Manuel Inoa and the company's New England rep Willy Marante wound up at our home base, Habanos in Pawtucket, RI. 

We scurried over to greet our new besties, which is so much better than standing outside while staring in the plate-glass windows, especially when it's as humid and hot as it is today! Many photo ops occurred, because these guys are super kind and fantastic and welcoming. 

Sometimes you need a good montage. And here it is!

Thanks Willy! And yes, that is me in the white shirt.

Consider yourself lucky that my pic was included--otherwise, well, you know..

.there is that one other picture somewhere on this blog. Somewhere. 

 

Valentino partook of the ever-awesome 100 Anos again, as he did last night. Still magically delicious!

Then they headed to Mr. Cigar in North Providence, where I just happened to be right now. Purely coincidental!

(I'm a terrible liar. I know that.)

What's that? You're hankering for another montage? Here you go! These feature Anthony and Rosa, who own Mr. Cigar. 

Because Valentino depleted his La Aurora 100 Anos over the past couple of days, we wiped out Mr. Cigar's shelf stash. I believe another evil laugh is in order. Join me! Bwah hahahaha!

I can't say where they're heading next (not a lie), but I'm positive there's no way I can keep up with them. We'll have to turn to Valentino for special reports, which I'll Internet for him. (I'm nice like that.) I'm already tired and I've done nothing today but plan a class for a rapidly-approaching fall semester. (Fair warning, students: Lots of homework. Bwah hahaha!)

Why I don't post every day.

My friend Pat (Hi Pat!) is a supergreat lady and BFF Jame's mom.

Sometimes, when a blogger she loves takes a break or doesn't post regularly, Pat says, "[Name of blogger] has gone off her blog."

I go off my blog pretty regularly--days pass and I know you miss me. Sorry! I miss you too!

I wish I could post a lovely, witty, clever story daily. Except some days I don't feel lovely or witty, or even especially clever. Sometimes these are days I've "gone off the Adderall." Sometimes I sensory-overloaded the previous day or two, sending my body into a tizzy, because MS is an asshole.*

I never go off the blog because I lack content ideas. Currently, 67 stories live in the blogger draft folder and another million in my brain draft folder--and don't forget pictures on my iPhone demanding words.

I'm unsure how long a blog post takes other folks to write, but for Love of the Leaf? I average four hours for 400-500 words. Four. Hours. Think I'm crazy? Take a look at a post creation, the 5 things about CRA (Star Wars edition), created in the Habanos Cigar Lounge members' room:

3 months (at least): You need to write about the Cigar Rights of America organization, my brain tells me. I promise. With my fingers crossed.

1 hour: Research CRA, reading their website, current national, state, and local issues, previously submitted legislation and results.  Drink Diet Coke, thanks to bartender.

Without you, DC, I am nothing.

1/2 an hour: Make a list of "things," culled from research, that require inclusion for an audience with a slight working knowledge of the organization. Come up with a dozen.

1/2 an hour: Delete extraneous and repetitive topics and pile a couple together, all while eating cookies. Realize there are still seven (items on the list, not cookies).

1/2 an hour: Play Sophie's Choice, trying to determine which points readers should know about most. (Five things is random but it's a manageable number for most topics.)

You guys. I need this. Need it badly or I will die.
Available here.

1/2 an hour, many more cookies: Expand on points, adding details and explanations, along with a brief introduction.

5 minutes: Read post, finding it so boring I nod off. Consume more Diet Coke in huge quantities.

20 minutes: Look at Google images, putting in keywords from the (boring) text. Consider featuring Archer gifs again just because...Archer.

Because Archer.

5 minutes: Re-reread boring text and spot a glimmer of an idea. If only the CRA had a version of the Force to say, "This is not the legislation you are looking for" to the Evil Empire's stormtroopers.

1/2 an hour: Rewrite entire piece with Star Wars extended metaphor. Feel smugly genius throughout revision.

40 minutes: Reread. Feel the opposite of awesome. 700 words. I edit out clutter, helping verbs, prepositional phrases, adverbs, and all the other word detritus, inching closer to (self-imposed) 400-word "5 Things" limit. Hit 500 words. Think about throwing in the towel and saying, "Meh. Good enough."

20 minutes: Pound head on glass table out of frustration, which also dislodges remaining active brain cells. Cut another hundred words.

5 minutes: Valentino reads the piece. A friend (with 90+ books published) says, "Good editors make good writers." True story. Our hero points out a sentence unclear beyond the limits of my brain. He offers suggestions for a funnier turn of phrase, kisses me on the top of the head (as all good editors should), and flees writer central.

15 minutes: Revise again.

Publish blog post.

10 minutes: Reread 500 times and make adjustments.

Post on Facebook.**

Lather, rinse, repeat.


I can do both in the Habanos Members' Room.

*I don't need to hear about how diet soda will make my head explode and/or is giving me MS. I literally have one vice: Diet Coke.

**Do you like our Facebook page yet? You should. We're giving away stuff on there! You like stuff! We like giving stuff!

Evil Genius in the HOUSE! (Except not ALL houses--yet!)

I'd like to say the meeting happened accidentally, but if you've ever met Valentino, you know accidents like that rarely happen.

During The Great Psyko Tasting, SuperFriend Karl  (Hi Karl!) just happened to mention Alex Hirsch, president of Evil Genius Cigars, would hang at Broadway Cigars the next morning--which you know is one of our homes away from home. Karl said we should go if we wanted to meet him.

By the way, Broadway Cigars
now carries Evil Genius cigars. Yay!

Now you know we can't pass up meeting someone fab, plus a trip to Broadway* is always a treat. The only thing holding us up? Morning. I move slowly on a good day.  You know how when you're stuck in traffic and barely moving? That's the every morning in a nutshell.** Just i...n...c...h...i...n...g my way toward productivity (hopefully).

But I rallied, thanks to the promise of blueberry pancakes!***

You. Guys. Alex is so awesome. Not only was he kind and funny and giving, he also handled the antics of this little bastard with aplomb:

Oh Will...

And speaking of giving, Alex opened his magical valise, revealing not potions and concoctions, but instead a number of black- and white-banded cigars.  These cigars (below) came our way, thanks to his generosity. (Also, Alex, thanks for not turning us into toads or anything.)

If you must know, another Evil Genius cigar--the Black Chapel torpedo (6.25 x 52)--may or may not have accidentally gone up in smoke--very slowly, as a good cigar should. Actually, we'd say a darned good cigar with a rum barrel-aged Brazilian maduro wrapper, Ecuadorean corojo binder, and fillers from the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, and Peru.  Plus, it's gorgeous, so there's that going for it.

Now you'd think, Why would you start with the stronger one--doesn't the black band say, "Hey, I'm stronger than my white-banded kin over there." You'd think so, but they truly are evil geniuses over there, toying with our expectations, and making the guy in the metaphorical white hat living in the  White Chapel the stronger (bad--but still delish) guy.

That White Chapel is a full-bodied MF,**** a powerhouse consisting of Habano wrapper, sun-grown Ecuadorean Sumatra binder, and three different ligero and a seco tobaccos as filler.  Give that a shot and you'll see just how evil those geniuses are. ::shakes fist at geniuses, evil and otherwise::

[source]

The other day, we were where we always are (Habanos) and a guy came in and asked if they carried Evil Genius cigars. (They don't, hint hint.)

Alex, you've got folks requesting them, so whatever you're doing, keep it up! (We'll try to keep Will out of your path. By the way, he wants to know if you received his application for the above job posting. Apparently, he's hoping to move up the ranks quickly, so prepare yourself.)

Exactly.
[source]

*Cigars, but Theater District Broadway is also always a treat.

**Does anyone actually put stuff IN nutshells? It's a weird cliche, but I'm sticking with it.

***If you ever need to get me somewhere early, blueberry pancakes is a good motivator, as is MILK chocolate chip pancakes. (There's no room in my heart for semi-sweet chocolate. Life's too short.)

****And when I say MF, I mean MF.

Rocky Patel joins the Band of Merry Men--and everyone is happy! Now! Includes Men in Tights!

I'm all about gathering my Band of Merry Men about me. In fact, I prefer my world that way--surrounded by awesome fellas who think I'm lovely and charming and hilarious.*

Not exactly them, but you get the gist.
(I wish I could get them in these outfits. Even for a day...hahaha)
Also, Men in Tights in a hoot of a movie!

Valentino, of course, is the Robin Hood in this scenario and I'm Maid Marian, for I am a delicate Renaissance flower.** Caballero #2 is Little John, without the monk's robe. But Little John wasn't around for this adventure, sadly.

Generally we wind up in our secret lair (Habanos in Pawtucket, RI) purely by accident--if you call attendance patterns accidents. Whatevs.



I WISH I could get them to chorus line.
I wonder what it would cost me... because I'd pay cash money.

Something else you need to know about the Band of Merry Men: Their numbers fluctuate and the members vary, depending on work and hangover schedules. You may remember the last official unofficial gathering.

But the other day, many core group members found themselves in the tavern, well-primed (by the mead) for shenanigans and cigars. I thrust--yes, actually thrust--these most awesome-looking Rocky Patel American Market Selection robustos (5 1/2 x 50) (below) at four of them, all with varied cigar-smoking regularity and experience. (I had five, but had to save one for Valentino [obvs], who went missing in Sherwood Forest. Or the walk-in humidor.***) 

The lovely folks at Famous Smoke Shop
sent them to us and said, "Smoke these please."
We're very good at following directions.
[source]

I guess I could have given the Band of Merry Men some kind of instruction or told them about the cigar, but...nah. I just demanded, "Smoke this."****

First up, my brother Chris. This was literally his fourth premium cigar ever.*****

New cigar smoker and yet already
mastered one of the key cigar poses.

You know we wouldn't lead him astray (much); his previous three were well-chosen, but this one he declared the best yet. Keep in mind: he doesn't know the cigar lingo or the ever-repeated descriptors, yet he said it surprisingly tasted creamy "and with some nuts or something." Huh.

 

Our pal Jim's a "few cigars a week" smoker and agreed with this Rocky Patel robusto's creaminess.

Note to self: Monitor photographs
rather than tossing the phone to the next victim.
Take my word for it: this is Jim's hand and cigar.
BTW, nice ash, Jim.
Or maybe we should say, "Nice ash, Rocky Patel."

"This is a good mildish smoke," Jim said, using an overly-technical term. His lovely wife rolled her eyes, because that's what long-time lovely wives do.

Poor Deb. She'd come by to take her husband for ice cream.

Jim, however, had yet to touch flame to cigar.

I threatened Merry Men moniker revocation--plus I'd take the cigar back.  When his eyes pleaded "But my wife..." I took control. We stormed her vehicle, insisting she succumb to our demands. And by this, I mean we begged for Jim to please stay and play with us. I also bribed her with promises of adult beverages. She acquiesced. (Yay!)

"And there's a lot of flavor," he continued. "This Rocky Patel is damn good." Thanks for taking one for the Band, Jim! And sorry about the ice cream, Deb!

Another Band leader, Brian, smokes a bit more than Jim, including stogies on the golf course.

Are my photography skills getting better
or his he incredibly photogenic?
I'd bet on the latter.

"This would be a great smoke for the course," Brian said. "It's mild. I prefer that when I'm playing golf. And this," he pointed to burning cigar, "this is the best part so far. It gets better the more I smoke it." He demonstrated with a deep draw. "Where can I get these?"

 

I acted as a fair maiden should, instead of cranking the snark and said, "They're exclusive to Famous Smoke. So if you want them, you either drive there or ask the mighty, mighty internets for assistance." He nodded and yanked out his phone.  "What's it called again?"

 

The most excellent Rocky Patel American Market Selection robusto.

 

And then, our hero, the cigar savant. 

I'd probably get better pictures if I, oh, I don't know--
got up from the couch and perhaps even tried to focus.******

"I like this a lot," Valentino said, and then in a stage-whisper asked how many were left.

I shook my head.

"What does that mean?"

"None," I admitted, trying to look demure while holding a bag of Cheez-Its.

Pretty darned close to his reaction.

Sometimes my generosity in the pursuit of a good (or goodish) story causes strife.  Poor Valentino. He was strifed.

Oh my sweet reader, you just went back up to count, because you thought That was only four Merry Men but...Famous Smoke Shop sent five cigars.

And yet I did lose--one cigar.

Yeah. Lost. Merry Man Eric took his and exited, stage left. I may have to vote him out of the group. Or be more clear in my instructions. Or give instructions. Actually, this is probably on me.

Oh! And some things you want/need to know about the Rocky Patel American Market Selection robustos:

Wrapper: Ecuadorian Connecticut (Rumor has it, this wrapper was all the rage back in the day--not Robin Hood days, but the early 20th century.)

Filler: Honduran and Nicaraguan

Available sizes:

• Churchill (7×49)
• Double Corona (7.5×52)
• Robusto, obviously (5 1/2 x 50)
• Sixty (6×60)
• Toro (6×52)
• Torpedo (6×52)

And in case you slept through that part, you can only get these at Famous Smoke Shop!

All right. I've got to round up the Band of Merry Men. I'm dying for attention. And a meal I don't have to pay for.




*If you know what's good for you, you will NOT debunk this theory.

**Shush, you.

***Or wherever it is he wanders off to as I hide behind the laptop.

****In a lady-like way, of course.

*****Sorry, Mum!

******Story of my life, this inability to focus.



It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World! or: Everyone gets a little Psyko or: I went crazy with the sparkles

I gave my Band of Merry Men (or the inmates in my personal asylum) a project and they did so well, they're going to get more. Hahaha! That's the price of doing a good job: More work.* Luckily for these guys, their chores don't constitute hard labor. Unless you consider smoking cigars and hanging out with me a chore--as if that were even possible! After all, it's not like I'm her:

Band of Merry Men charter member and all-around SuperFriend Karl (Hi Karl!) says that "cigars are a mini-vacation." Exactly. (Unless you're with me and I'm hyper-caffeinated, and then it's more of an adventure vacation--no relaxation for you! Or anyone for that matter! Maybe I do get a tad psycho.** But that's a story for another blog post.)

The day Valentino and I received a package from Ventura Cigars, he gave me the "What did you buy now?" look, which is more excited than angry--you know, because those boxes generally contain cigars or cigar swag.***

I shrugged. I didn't think I'd bought anything, but who can ever say for sure? Besides American Express, that is.

This time? Ventura's Psyko Seven Maduro! Wheeee!

What's in the box? What's in the fucking box?****
5.5 x 50 robustos. That's what's in the box!
(Also, the name of the movie fits this cigar perfectly.)

I don't even smoke the damn things and I got all giddy because...packaging! You can take the girl out of the marketing department but you can't take the marketing department out of the girl...

Founded in 2006, Ventura Cigar Co. showcases a large portfolio of cigars, including Hugo Cassar, Cuban Rejects, Cuban Rounds, Pura Sangre, Pura Sangre Edicion 2012, Plasencia Organica Reserva, Estilo Cubano, PsyKo SEVEN, PsyKo SEVEN maduro, and Project 805.

Two years ago, the company updated their look, with a "killer website, and a renewed vision for the future of the company. We know there is a growing contingent of smoker out there just waiting to be the first to try the next big thing, to tell their story, and to be part of a larger social experience," according to that very company website.

It's like they know us! After all, we live and breathe social experience--hence the cigar shenanigans. Also, we're a wee bit nutty.

Some deets, for those of you here for actual information, not just aforementioned shenanigans:*****

Wrapper: San Andreas

Binder: Mexican Sumatra

Filler: Multiple Country Blend

Country of Origin: Dominican Republic

We let them rest for a few days and headed to our research laboratory. Okay, Habanos Cigar Lounge, in Pawtucket, RI actually, but "research laboratory" sounds much more impressive--like we actually know what we're doing. Hahahaha. As if. There's no doubt we should be in white coats, though--just not lab coats. Perhaps something a little more form-fitting:

When we arrived, I plopped into a comfy chair, joined soon after by another charter member and SuperFriend, Jim. (Hi Jim!) And then Karl made an appearance; both settled within the enclave as Valentino strolled back over. You'd think I'd shone a signal beacon in the sky and these kind gentlemen answered the call. Or serendipity happened. Either works for the story.

"You have to smoke these now," I told them in my most bossy way while thrusting cigars into their faces.******

One of them said he wanted to finish his current smoke. I gave him the stare and he rested the lit cigar on the ashtray.

   <--Jim  Karl -->  

Most fun thing ever to do? Give three people the same cigar but have them begin smoking at different times. Over the course of each cutting, toasting, and lighting, they all agreed about an aromatic taste in the beginning, as if the cigar were on its best behavior. After that, came "I taste a lot of pepper" from the first man (first man of the group, not the first man ever) to move beyond the aromaticness (an awesome made-up word, a word made up by me, who is awesome).

The remaining Band members shook their collective heads, looking at him as if he were crazy. "I'm not getting that," said Karl. We chatted about upcoming outings (Perhaps commandeering a boat and going deep sea fishing?) and then Valentino, admitted to the ward last, said, "I'm getting a lot of pepper."



Perhaps a nice boat ride, gentlemen?

This happened time and again, as if Jim, the first smoker touching flame to stick, was both Lewis and Clark.******* Or perhaps Randle Patrick McMurphy, leading the charge at a certain Oregon mental institution.

"I tried to knock the ash off and it wouldn't go," Karl pointed out. "That's a well-made cigar." True story. When you remove the cigar's straight jacket, you get something near perfection:

The Band mumbled about cedar and leather and other delicious notes as they worked their way through. Best part, though? As the first starter finished up, he noted  "It's weirdly peppery again. But weird pepper." The others nodded, like he was a bit of a lunatic; how could something be weirdly peppery. It's either peppery or not.

But when Karl hit the same mark, he said, "Oh. Yes. Weirdly peppery." He achieved maximum pensiveness and literally held up a finger. "It's like a 9-volt battery on the tip of my tongue." Ah. Shock therapy.  A few minutes later, the third and final member of the Band said, "Oh yeah" and grabbed at his tongue.) "Huh. That is weird." (I assume that's what he said, as he held his tongue as he spoke.) And then, because our hero is our hero, he went in for more.

Jim looked at his cigar nubbin. "It kept changing with every draw." He stuck a finger in his mouth and said around the roadblock, "And it was a real finger-burner." Warning: Expect a digit-scorching while trying to suck the ever-lovin' last drop of life from the cigar, not unlike sucking the ever-loving life out of McMurphy. (Ooops. Spoiler alert. But really, you must have seen this movie or read the book, right? Right?)

Valentino nodded. "That's why they call is Psyko."

We all nodded and uttered a collective "Ahhhh...Juicy Fruit." <--Not really. They just said, "Ahhhh," but I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that.

For realz. This is one of the best scenes in the movie.

And now, the sparkles:

*When I was a kid and my dad asked me to sweep the floor, I did a crappy job. Then I didn't have to do it again. You can call me crazy, but I prefer clever.

**I'm going to look like a genius in a couple of paragraphs for this reference.

***You know the stereotype where the woman shops and hides purchases and the guy gets mad and can't buy cigars and stuff because aforementioned woman hates that smell? We're the opposite. Complete and total opposite.

****I say this way too much, but in my head, it's hilarious every time. Also, hilarious is one of my new favorite words, right up there with blunderbuss and onomatopoeia. <--Didn't even have to look up the spelling. I love it THAT much. BOOM! <--If you know the definition of onomatopoeia, That, too, is hilarious.

*****I currently fancy myself the shenanigator, my new superhero name.

******Men hate this, right? Hahahahaa.

*******That makes me Sacagawea, I guess. But that's a terrible superhero name. With all these personalities, I'm being to look very Three Faces of Eve, which juuuussssttt happens to fit with the whole post's theme. If you need me, I'll be over here feeling smug.

Where we will be: Hint--Alec Bradley is involved*

Q: What’s black and white and…a smokin’ good time (and not just because we'll be there)?

A: The Alec Bradley Black and White event at Habanos Cigar Lounge on Thursday, June 18, from 6:00-11:00 p.m.

We’re going to make this as clear as possible—no gray areas!

Join Alec Bradley’s New England Regional Territory Manager and our SuperFriend Drinnan Thornton at Habanos Cigar Lounge as he showcases some of the company’s best cigars.

This is also an opportunity to find the perfect Alec Bradley smoke for you. We're already in love with the Black Market, Nica Puro, and Coyol, among others, so definitely try those. Oh jeez. You're going to need to get there super early in order to try all these cigars. Or...I guess you could purchase some also... That would work! Or both! Yes! Try AND buy! That's for sure what we'll be doing!

As an aside, we finally came across the Coyol petit lancero the other day and may or may not have purchased a few. That skinny mofo is ass-kicking awesome, made with a Honduran wrapper, and the binder and filler coming from Nicaragua and Honduras, albeit from a variety of regions. When I went to get the cigar for photoshoot time, wherein I hope the result's not too blurry, this little bastard was making off with it.

Last AB petit lancero in the humidor, little buddy.
Not a chance you're leaving the humidified box with it.
Not. A. Chance.

The petit lancero's small ring size brings smoke's focus to the binder rather than the filler. So even though you're smoking an already-favorite, the experience will be much different--and magically delicious. If that size isn't available at the Habanos event, be sure to ask Drinnan where to lay your mitts (or wings) on some, because as much as we like you, we're not giving you ours.

Drinnan's fabulous and he'll help match what you like to an Alec Bradley product similar in strength and blend. Or even better, try something completely different than you’re used to—it could become your new favorite!

At the Habanos event on the 18th, we're going to get 40% off all Alec Bradley box purchases! Know what? We'll put in a good word for you and let you have the discount as well! (We know a guy who can help you out.)

During the event, we're to dress in black and white (or black or white would work too, I guess) and we've earned a raffle ticket! Just for getting dressed! Talk about incentive! We're definitely going to get dressed for this shin-dig! Guaranteed, Valentino will be decked out in black and white. I may or may not--depends on whether I feel like conforming. Although a raffle ticket...

Photo by me.
I know! Shocking! It's pretty good!

What’s the raffle for? Apparently, tons and tons of prizes! (Tons as figured by an English major, not a metric ton.) At this nanosecond, we have no idea what the prizes could be, although we suspect Valentino will be a favorite to win. Yes, he's one of those guys, who wins tons and tons of stuff! Actual tons of stuff, as calculated by people who know how to do math.)

[source]

In case you didn't know, the makers of the much-loved Black Market cigar (get it?), Alec Bradley is a world-class boutique producer synonymous with quality and accessibility and focused on one goal: to give the cigar smoker an unforgettable experience. We guarantee you’ll long-remember the joy the Alec Bradley cigars bring you--especially if you smoke them with us, as we are completely fab!

Got it? Because from here, it’s as clear as black and white.

One of my all-time fave pics:
(L to R) Drinnan, Caballero #2, our hero

Since you have your calendar out, and you're probably looking for other opportunities to spend with us, make a note of these upcoming Habanos events. (We'll let you know about other events too, as soon as our schedule is solidified.):


July 9: My Father Cigars

  July 23: Oliva dinner 

 August 6: Miami Cigar Company



*But neither Alec nor Bradley. Just the cigar company. You know Alec and Bradley are the names of Alec Bradley company owner Alan Rubin's boys, right? Now you know!