::facepalm:: Cigar-cutting edition

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We watched in horror as the young man tucked the cigar deep into the cutter and...

Let me back up. You should experience the event with the same shock and awe we did.

There we were, Valentino and I, sitting at the bar drinking ginger ale and water* and chatting with pals. Two very young guys came into the cigar lounge and bought a few cigars. (They weren't picky in their selections.) They asked to purchase a cutter too, although when told the cheapest would run them about $30, they changed their minds.

Valentino suggested they take them out of the cello, cut them, and put them back. He offered up his awesome** cutter. The poor young man looked at it, perplexed. And who can blame him? It looks like this:

What the what? Where does the cigar go? [source]

Valentino very nicely reached over and made it into a dilophosaurus when it opens its frill***:

No, it doesn't magically turn wood into carbon fiber.
This is for demonstration purposes only! [source]

And he handed it back to the young man, who proceeded to do this:

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We held our collective breath and hoped, hoped, hoped he didn't actually squeeze and make the cut here.  The poor guy must have heard our very audible gasps, because he pulled back a bit. It wasn't perfect, but he would up cutting a little closer to this:

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I hate being corrected in public**** so there's no way I can ever say the stuff in my head, which usually begins with, "Oh, honey, no..."

Thankfully, these two guys got out with the majority of their cigars intact, so yay!

You're welcome! [source]

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out a way to correct folks without seeming to be correcting them or coming off like Sassy McBossypants, so if you have any suggestions...


*Cheap date. We're still really good tippers though!

**Awesome because I bought it. And had it monogrammed, because I am awesome x 2. And that was years and years ago!

***Gah!!!


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****Although how often can it actually happen, since I am practically perfect in every way. Stop laughing. Oh, right, that was Mary Poppins, not me.

Obvs, not me.

An Anatomy Lesson

Say you took a cigar apart--although the rest of us would be standing over you, saying, "What exactly do you think you're doing?" But anyway, say you had a cigar, and you decided to take it apart because you just HAD to see how it was made.

Let me just tell you, and that will keep us all from mourning the loss of a perfectly good cigar, okay? Okay!

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Here's another view:

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If you want to sound super fancy at your next cocktail party, you can let some of this info slip (as long as the group is talking about cigars; don't be socially awkward like me and just spit out random facts):

Wrappers determine a lot of the cigar's flavor and character and folks general describe the cigar by the color of the wrapper. One major MAJOR misconception about cigars is that the darker the cigar, the stronger the cigar. No, no, no. Don't judge the book by the cover. (Unless you're judging my books; they have great covers--they have great innerds.)

Binders are wrappers that are rejected because they just aren't good enough. Kind of like that cozy t-shirt you put on but then have to cover with a nicer shirt. Poor cozy t-shirt. Poor binder, the leaves of which are elasticy (elasticish?) because they need to hold everything (the filler) together. Like Spanx.*

Filler/Blend are the innerds that determine how strong the cigar will be. There's much more to it than this, but let's start with the basics, okay? (Remember: Cocktail party fodder for now.) When I was first learning about this, from the great Michael Herklotz of Nat Sherman, my head was spinning from all the info. (I swear it had nothing to do with the sangria.)

• Volado--Taken from the bottom of the plant, with minimum flavor
• Seco--Taken from the middle of the plant, with light flavor
• Ligero--Taken from the upper leaves exposed to the most sunlight, the fullest flavor and strength.

Stay tuned for more necessary filler info among other awesome stuff (not filler filler, although that is funny to say). Search the Cigars 101 tag if you're all about the learning.


*(For all the men who have unexpectedly encountered Spanx during activities and are shaking their heads: We're sorry, but sometimes we need to hold everything together, just like the binder contains the filler. it's not sexy, but necessary. Does that help ease the horror?)