CLE: Yeah, you know we (will be there) <--I was going for the rhyme rather than clarity

First, we're sorry about the wonky font. Is it fixable? Probably. Will we fix it? Probably not.

Usually, we have to travel to meet new friends from the cigar world. (See Jim Robinson, Luis Falto.) Well this time, we have home field advantage (which means we don't have to drive far) because our pal Lauren Ferraro, CLE regional sales manager (Hi Lauren!) is bringing Tom Lazuka, owner of Asylum Cigars, to Habanos Cigar Lounge .

Home, sweet home.

You know and love the Asylum Cigars, including Asylum, Asylum 13, Schizo, and the Ogre. Now you’ll get to meet their maker!

The man himself [source]

Lazuka and Christian Eiroa, the dynamic co-founding duo, use a “take no prisoners” approach, providing a variety of taste profiles, featuring Nicaraguan tobacco, at approachable prices for a broad cigar audience.

Lazuka and Eiroa are proud that Asylum Cigars will “provide customers a diversity of new experiences. Lazuka noted. ‘By partnering with Christian Eiroa and his company...we have a platform that gives us the ability to create full-body, high-palate-impact to truly flavorful medium bodied cigars and our formats range from 44 x 4 to 70 x 7, all rolled with the finest available Nicaragua tobacco reserves,’” according to the Asylum website.

Obvs we are in need of an Asylum event.
These are all we had in the humidor!

 

Eiroa, former owner of Camacho, is also responsible for the Eiroa blend, which will be featured at this event.  The Eiroa is an “authentic Honduran corojo (which Christian is known for),” according to Ferraro.

You'll get to meet these in person too! [source]

 

We'll tell you lots more things after the event happens!  And in case you want to join us* and say "Hello!" or buy us drinks or woo us with French fries, Habanos is located at 1438 Newport Ave. in Pawtucket, RI.

 

 

*How to recognize us: Valentino looks as Italian as his name sounds and is super duper friendly, so he'll probably be milling about. I'll be the socially awkward one at the bar, nose buried in a laptop or iPad.

 

"But whenever Monday comes, you can find me crying all of the time" (until the semester is over, and then...wheeee!)

It's a darned good thing I like the Monday night class I teach (Hi all of you!), and the students keep me entertained and happy.* And sometimes bring me Diet Coke.**

I know you're going to email me and say I shouldn't drink this
because I'll grow another head on my shoulders or whatever,
but without the sweet brown poison,
I'd totally fall asleep in front of the class. In front of every class.
No one wants that.

If I didn't like them so much, I'd be all BOO! and DAMMIT! and CRAP! because most of the fun cigar things seem to be happening on Mondays this semester. So Valentino goes to the fun things and sends me texts and pictures, and generally recounts that fantastic fun-ness he's having.

I try to share the fun I'm having too. For realz. He's not, however, buying that my two-and-a-half hours talking about writing and reading is more fun than hanging out with cool cigar folks, eating and drinking, and smoking.  In my defense, and to keep the playing field level, I had malted milk balls with the Diet Coke.

Oh, malted milk balls, why must you be so delicious?
And so small? And come in packages of five?
Do you have any idea how many little packages must be opened
and consumed in order to remain happy during the whole class?***

So during my repetitive sojourns**** over the course of the semester, he's had these adventures, of which I am mucho jealous. In no particular order, other than this is how they popped into my head:*****

Hanging with Island Jim, he of Leaf by Oscar, at Churchill's (Hi Bryan--even though I've technically never met you in person. And do you know why? Yep. Work. Boo. Soon we'll remedy that. I hear you have MBombays? We have been dying to get our hands--and taste buds--on those!)

Honestly, how can you not want to own some of these darlings?
As soon as the man returns from Man Camp, we are so there!

An Eiroa/CLE dinner with the Mr. J's Havana gang (at that seekrit location). Hi Paul! Hi Tom! Hi Mark! Hi Lauren! Hi people who were there and who I should give a shout out to, but since I wasn't there, I don't know who that might be!)

"Are you ready for some football?"
Definitely. Especially if there's delicious food!

Some fun nights at Broadway Cigar for Monday Night Football. (Although he does get credit for bringing me dinner home from those festivities! Thank you!) Each week, the awesomely cool Bobby and the gang (which would actually make them Cool and the Gang) feature a different cigar to accompany that night's noshing.  So it's win-win. I just wish I could have also been a winner. I have to go sulk now.

This is representative of Man Camp.
By the way, have you liked Will the Travelling Owl yet?
You totally should. And you'll be glad you did.

There's another dinner from the fabulous folks at Mr. J's this coming Monday, which, in Valentino's defense, he will also miss because he'll be at Man Camp. (Hi Jerry! Hi Will! Hi Marlin! Hi Billy! Hi Jerry! Hi Tom! Hi Billy! Missing you, Valentino the Elder!) I can't decide whether to be happy (Man Camp!) or sad (not Penny Camp!) at this time of year. Missing festivities doesn't help. I can't even live vicariously. Unlessssss... Unless you go and tell me all about it.  Take pictures! Send me random texts throughout the course of the night! Just call Mr. J's to chat with him about tickets!!

You should get yourself some of this! And you can--and much more! at the Roma dinner!
Call Broadway Cigars for more info!

The following week, on Monday the 8th, a big shindig is happening at Roma on Federal Hill in Providence. The dinner will feature the cigars of J Grotto, good old Mr. J, Paul Joyal, himself! So two of our favorite people are getting together and having a party. Again, you should go; I'm going to need to get to the store before then so I can drown my sorrows in whatever malted milk is.

Then, we found out that on Monday, December 15, Jim Robinson is going to be in town again. Let me stress the Monday in the previous sentence.

Why does everything have to happen on a Monday? And then I remembered...

This is the point in the story where the angels sing with joy.

 ...I remembered school will be over by then! I can join the festivities!! So come to Broadway Cigars in Providence, RI and we can party like rock stars!******

Lots more things are on our calendar for December. Stay tuned for updates!!



*What? that's not supposed to be what's happening?

**It's not really a bribe; more a way to keep me awake and off-kilter.

***In case you were wondering, it takes seventy umpity thousand tiny packages of malted milk balls for one long class.

****And I say this ironically

*****The ideas don't just pop into my head. In fact, it's more like this:

Very painful indeed!

******Aging, tired, end-of-the-semester melt-down rock stars. But rock stars nonetheless.

It's a Madhouse! Welcome to the Asylum

 

First of all, has anyone noticed how often Planet of the Apes is on? I'm not complaining about seeing it every few days--just making an observation. (Because the first rule of Planet of the Apes is you have to watch Planet of the Apes whenever you see it on the television. Remote down. No passing it by.)

 

I know what you're thinking--whaaaa?

 

Here's the dealio. (Or: Stand behind the splash zone because this is how Penny's brain works.)

 

We were at Habanos last weekend, whooping it up with our pals, both old (Hi Brian! Hi Chris! Hi Marc! Hi Amanda!) and brand-new (Hi new folks whose names I've forgotten because I'm a jerk!), and I watched Marc hand Valentino an Asylum 13 in some strange male ritual of cigar swapping and back clapping. I observed from afar, lest the testosterone get in my eye, causing temporary blindness and keeping me from watching Planet of the Apes again.

I think the flowers are a nice touch. Shush.
Let me have a teeny tiny bit of girliness will you?

 

Brainchild of Tom Lazuka and Christian Eiroa, the Asylum 13 Seventy, she is a big girl: 7" long with a 70 ring gauge. This cigar is a commitment.  Unfortunately, we only had about 45 minutes to last call, and that would mean the Asylum powerhouse would enter stasis (no smoking in the car, no desire to stand in the mean streets of Pawtucket, RI puffing away), and we all know the cigars never come back from hibernation exactly the same as we left them.

 

(By the way, Marc, he feels guilty for not smoking it there with you, but he wanted to be able to enjoy the whole thing. Mission accomplished. Sorry you weren't here to enjoy it.)

 

But today was the day, breaking into the Asylum 13 (not to be confused with breaking out of  Stalag 13, where Hogan's Heroes plotted against Colonel Klink).

 

According to the company website, "Asylum 13 cigars are true Nicaraguan Puros. A dark Nicaraguan Habana wrapper coats a combination of aged Cuban seed long filler grown throughout the black volcanic soils of Nicaragua. One can expect a slow, cool burn with a medium to full bodied array of flavor. these cigars are eventful throughout and something you don't want to miss out on."

You guys! You definitely don't want to miss out on this cigar if you haven't tried it. First of all, it looks very milk-chocolaty so there's that. And then when Valentino started to smoke it, I swear I got chocolate, cocoa notes. Trick of the mind because I had sweet deliciousness on the brain? Then it had a hint of pepperiness, which reminded me of that scene in Chocolat when Juliette Binoche's character Vianne mixes spices into the chocolate and... Oh, I'll be right back. I need to go get some.  While I'm gone, please enjoy these pictures:

You're welcome, ladies and gentlemen. [source]

I know, I know...no need for me to rush back. [source]

 

 Are we all a little more settled?* Okay, so the Asylum 13 smoked evenly and Valentino said it had an amazeballs draw. (I'm paraphrasing.)

It took a good part of the day, sitting together in the shade, tormenting each other as only best friends can, but he finished the cigar a couple hours later. The Asylum 13 Seventy gave up the ghost with a final puff of smoke as Valentino burned his fingertips for the last time, flung the nubbin (that's what I like to call it) and muttered "Dammit."

Thank you, Marc!!!

Leaving the asylum. Get it?
Dudes, I wrote this whole post just so I could use this picture
and the Planet of the Apes video. Shut up. [source]

*I may have consumed Hostess cupcakes, my all-time favorite dessert** (although they're not exactly the same since their comeback--kind of like the cigar after stasis: the same yet different).

**And you should be quiet about me having trained in the fine art of baking and pastry at one of the top culinary schools.*** Hostess cupcakes are nearly the perfect food. If you're good, one of these days I'll tell you how to eat them correctly.

***Valentino, you can shut your cupcake hole before you even open it. We will not have the battle of the culinary schools on my blog.****

****Because I will win. You don't know the blog password. Bwah hahahaha!