The Successful Cigar Lounge (Employee edition)

Jorge Padron [source] 

"...the focus should be on quality, not quantity.  By this I mean that it is not necessarily the biggest store or walk-in humidor that makes a tobacconist great, [sic] it is the quality of the employees that make the difference. Tobacconists that understand their customers' needs and preferences, and who pair that with the perfect product for that particular smoker, are successful at what they do." 

--Jorge Padron, from the Foreword in The Tabacconist Handbook

We've been thinking a lot about cigar lounges lately: What makes one successful and another not-so-much.

In a completely unscientific and totally slipshod experiment, using the word "experiment" so loose it's probably turning tricks on a shitty city street corner, we've made a few notes about what works and what doesn't in a cigar lounge (as it relates to humidor/cigar sales only).

These brain musings focus on the sales clerk/staff only (in no particular order). We'll take on the other aspects another day.

The Good Clerk

• Wants to know what you currently smoke.
• Offers recommendations through conversation rather than hard-selling a specific cigar.
• Remains in the vicinity for quick assistance but no so close you feel you need to buy him/her a drink. 
• Understands at least the basic cigar terminology and doesn't look like a confused cheerleader when you ask for a lancero.
• Shares info about the shop if you're new, including regular events and upcoming special events.

The Not-so-good Clerk

• Know everything about everything and anything you say is wrong. 
• Holds the world championship title in oneupsmanship.
• Follows you so closely that onlookers mistake you for newlyweds.
• Makes you look up a price in the humidor. 
• Is constantly surprised by the stock.
• Is too busy talking to other patrons to acknowledge your presence. (This is cousin to the clerk who stays on the phone without even making eye contact.) 
• Obviously works on commission or needs to meet a sales quota because you aren't getting past him unless you hand over your wallet or at least your AmEx. 

The Head-banging-on-counter/why-does-this-person-have-a-job? Clerk

• Doesn't greet you when you walk into the shop.
• Consistently mispronounces company/brand names--Olivia cigars, anyone?
• Goes missing when you need to pay. 
• Doesn't listen.
• Says "I just work here." 
• Tells you to give him a flat amount of cash where he's sitting rather than ringing you up. You don't need a receipt, right?
• Obviously steals from the owner. (Do you tell the owner? This is a post for another day.)

You've surely seen most, if not all, of these scenarios at one point or another.  Join us in applauding the Good Clerk. Thank the guy or gal personally. Then go one step further and tell the shop owner or manager about the great service.

If you own a shop, we recommend checking out these books:

Available for purchase here.

 

Available here.

More than the number of cigars your humidor holds or how many special events and dinners you hold, excellent customer service is what brings people back to your shop. Make sure every customer has an excellent visit. After all, you never know who they could recommend visit--or discourage from visiting your shop.

Two out of three ain't bad.

The other day, Valentino and I met up with Caballero #3 for Rooftop Cigar Shenanigans, er, make that a Cigar Social on the roof of a Mohegan Sun parking garage. Remember? We told you about it here.

While up there, we saw this picture, courtesy of Caballero #2 and the mighty internets:

#2 with a Padron '64.

Because these guys are who they are, naturally, a retaliatory photo session occurred:



#1 and #3 with a Padron '64.

A bunch of glad-handing and glad-kissing with cigar rep SuperFriends ensued. (Hi Jon! Hi John! Hi Cody! Hi Dave! Hi Mike-who-is-not-on-Facebook! Hi John-who-did-not-remember-us!*)

 

Then this happened:

 

The bloom was off the rose. We had the tired.

The moral of the story? We missed you, Caballero #2!

 

 

*I know you're thinking, "How is that even possible? You guys are so awesome and memorable!" I know!

Words you should know: Maduro

You see the dark wrapper and immediately think "Whoa! That's going to be a full cigar, all filled with strength and spice. I'm not ready for that strong a cigar yet."

Something's afoot! It's the Leaf by Oscar! [source]

We say, "Oh, pshaw." Turn that part of your brain off, please, and open your hearts to the maduro because this wrapper is going to surprise the crap out of you. In a (really) good way. Probably better if you're prepared for all that goodness.

 A language lesson: maduro means "mature" or "ripe" in Spanish, not "This is going to be so mother-effing strong I won't be able to handle it." Okay. Class over.

So why are the maduro cigars so so so dark?


[source]

You know how when you caramelize onions they get all dark and delicious? Same thing. Same-ish thing. Extra fermentation, baby. Alllll fermentation.

Here's how a maduro is born:

1. Really nice folks pick the someday-wrapper leaves, which are generally thicker than binder and filler leaves--and even non-maduro wrappers. Why thicker? Because thinner leaves will go "Poof!" and disintegrate during the loooooong fermentation process. That would be a waste of time and energy for the grower and the plant.

2a. Leaves snuggle together in a curing barn for up to 45 days--until their color goes from just-grown green to rich, delicious brown. You know, the opposite of what you generally want to happen with your plants at home.

2b. Want darker, sweeter, more caramelly leaves? Age them even longer--years if you like. (Cigar makers have some serious patience.)

3. Voila! Super fermented leaves with a deep, rich, flavorful profile you'd be a fool* to pass up. What kind of flavor? Well, depending on the soil and all those factors that make tobacco unique, you could be smoking the cigar equivalent of  dark chocolate, coffee, brown sugar, caramel, molasses, black pepper, dried fruit, black cherry, or other stuff the plants haven't even thought of yet! Almost all maduro wrappers are more complex than other wrappers because they worked very very hard at being delicious.

Mmmmm. (These are Fuentes, by the way.)  [source]

Let's play Cigar Smoker Word Association.
You say "maduro." Many will respond "dessert."

So beyond fermentation, what's providing the delicious sweetness?
A. Genetic make-up
B. Seed-type
C. Organic micro elements in the soil
D. All of the above.

The answer is D, so you can't possibly try this is home. (Sorry!)  And even if you get all those elements correct, tobacco variety tastes differently from one farm to the next and varies from crop to crop, depending on rainfall and  (literally) on which way the wind blows.

The mighty broadleaf. [source]

If you want the most sweetness from a maduro wrapper, seek out the broadleaf, which is genetically programmed to satisfy your sweet tooth.**

We challenge you to give the maduro wrapper a try. Actually, try a couple from different companies, but make sure one of them is a Padron '64 Anniversary series

and another is a Perdomo 20th Anniversary.

Oh crap. I could make myself crazy trying to include all the fabulous ones.

And Valentino really doesn't need me to be any crazier. I'm already at a dangerously high level.***




*


I pity the fool
that turns his nose up at maduro wrappers.

**But don't chew on it, for heaven's sake. That will land you in #cigarloungedouchebag territory.

***

Cigar Lounge Manners: Clean up after yourself

Whether you're sitting at the bar, standing at the bar, or settled into a cozy chair, guaranteed there's an ashtray nearby. Use it.

If by some chance your ash abandons ship prematurely, swoop the runaways into a nearby ashtray. This will take you fifteen seconds at the most.

This is an ashtray. Look how nicely it holds cigars.
It is equally talented at holding the cigar's ashes.

We understand that maybe you didn't realize. If that's the case, no harm, no foul.

However, spread your ashes around like rice (or birdseed) at a wedding and you're going to get a reputation--and not a good one. Yes, you will become, "That guy."

If you're okay with this moniker and all that accompanies it, you'd damn well better tip the bartender well for cleaning up after you. If you don't overtip, as you should, then your service is going to get worse and worse as the visits pass. Plus, no one will talk to you. It's their house you're messing up.

Cigar lounge regulars are like a family. They care about each other and take care of each other. You wouldn't go into someone's house and start making a mess, so don't do it at the cigar lounge either.

Speaking of ashtrays, look over there to the right (if you're on a computer; it doesn't show up on a mobile device).. You can win one. Just sign up for our newsletter/blog updates!

Ripped from the headlines!

...of Twitter.

Which is really all headlines, come to think of it. 

So there I was, mindlessly flipping through Twitter posts, as one is wont to do when one is not wonting* to work. 

This photo by Jason Jackson, who wins the internet with his Twitter handle @OB1theStogie, made me say "Oooh. Pretty."  In public. Of course too loudly. Because I am so very subtle about not working when I'm not working but supposed to be working.

*I thought this was funnier than proper grammar. 

C&C Connecticut (even though I keep wanting to say "C&C Music Factory")

"Try this," our friend and owner of Habanos, Bassam, said, handing Valentino a cigar. "You'll like it."

Valentino had already given two unknown cigars a try that night and his unwillingness to go for a hat trick filled the bar.*

"You have to," I said, in that low whisper with unmoving lips partners use to communicate when in a group, as if trying to use ventriloquism to slip directly into their beloved's brain.

He looked defeated. He just wanted an old friend to smoke. In his travel humidor sat a La Flor Dominicana Mystery Cigar (the event-only cigar) (by the way, Hi Johns--Gallogly and Carney!), a CAO Amazon Basin, and the ever-present Padron 64, because...Padron. The first two jumped up and down, shouting "Pick me!" while the Padron lay there calmly, saying, "I will always be here for you, friend. Until you need me, I'll be playing dominos."

The eldest Mr. Padron playing dominos,
setting a good example for the cigars--
appropriate since he is their creator.

Valentino reluctantly snipped off the head of the C&C Connecticut, still gazing longingly at the small humidor before him.  He tested the draw and his head didn't explode from frustration, so that was a good sign.**

He toasted the foot, giving the cigar the stink-eye and then took a couple of inaugural puffs. His eyes lit up like they did when we first arrived at the Padron factory in October.

"This is fucking good!" he said, unable to hide the surprise from his voice.

"I told you!" Bassam said, with his big, hearty laugh.

In case you don't know, the C&C Connecticut has a Connecticut Ecuador wrapper, Dominican Olor binder, and Domnican Criollo 98 and Corojo Ligero fillers, which created a perfect balance of mild and strong, bringing the cigar smack dab in the middle of the strength-o-meter, at 5.

"Stuck in the middle with you..."

The dang thing was creamy and nutty and I would have nom-nom-nommed on it if I weren't positive I would have regretted the action once I had a mouth full of tobacco and fire.

According to Stogie Geeks, "Even Cigar Aficionado praised this cigar with a rating of 90, which is not an everyday occurrence for a Churchill-size cigar that costs less than $5 per stick."

Wait. Whaaa? The Churchill (7 x 50) was less that $5? Then what did the robusto (5 x 50) cost? (The cigar also comes in toro [6 x 54] and gigantor [6 x 60], as well as corojo and maduro.)  Maybe we are a little too big for our britches (we do love the snacks--oh, different kind of "too big for your britches"), but there's no way on heaven and earth Valentino would willingly smoke a low-priced cigar. And yet...
 

Yes, there is a cigar in this picture.

I just asked Valentino whether Habanos was now selling these, since I saw CI was clean out of them. "No. They were samples."

Oh sheesh. I suspected I was going to have to roll up my sleeves and do that crazy-lady researching thing, whereby I can find just about any cigar, even if they are "impossible" to lay hands on. As a matter of fact, on New Year's Eve, we were chatting with a couple about how they love that Amazon Basin, but getting them was impossible. I laughed and searched.  Within five minutes, I'd sent them a link for ordering. Even during the Great Opus X Lost City Lancero Drought, I had a box and a half wrapped up and under the Christmas tree. Was I going to have to dig into the internet to find these C&C Connecticuts now?

That entire thought process occurred during the pause between sentences.  I should lay off the Diet Coke. My brain. She is a fast runner.*** "But he said he's going to get them in," Valentino finished.

As I finish writing and rewriting this, Valentino just said, "I hate to smoke the corojo" (that Bassam had given him). "Then I won't have any more."****

"You said they're coming," I reminded him, opening the humidor door (haha) to let the delicious scent waft over him, reminding him of other lovely sticks of pleasure.

"But when?"

Bassam, be fair-warned: We're going to pester you until they come in.

In the meantime, I handed him an LFD Mystery Cigar to smoke later and cranked up the C+C Music Factory:*****

 

 

 

 

*Of course, no one else could see his unwillingness but me. I'm a trained professional.

 



**Man, that would have been embarrassing.

 

***Unlike my actual self, which cannot understand the concept of running for fun.

 

****Keep in mind, he has umpity-gajillion cigars--so many that we just bought a second 2,000-count humidor.

 

*****C+C: Which stands for "cookies and cream"--the group's producers' favorite ice cream******

 

******How can you not love that??

Words of Wisdom #39

Is that a Padron? Oh yes it is!! [source]

 

There's something about having a great bottle of wine and a great cigar.

Nothing compares to it.*

--D.L. Hughley

 

 

 

*Especially if you're smoking a Padron!

Lookit!! A sea of color in a black and gold world!

So remember back in July how we kept not knowing we were missing the coolest place ever in the Strip District in Pittsburgh PA?

We found it! (Thanks Google maps!)

The Leaf and Bean is one of the most awesomely coolest places ever!! For realz! 

In fact, it's a deliciously smoky island of relaxation in the loud, choppy sea of macaroni and gravy.*

When we strolled in, in full lollygagging mode,** we were hit with many layers of eclecticity.*** I'd try to explain it, but instead, let's refer to Valentino's pictures, shall we?

 

 

And here is Island Jim himself, in his natural habitat!!

See right behind Jim? That's the shop's humidor, which features some of our super favorites, including Leaf by Oscar (of course, because that's Jim's best selling cigar), along with others like our friend Paul Joyal's J Grotto, the ever-awesome Padron, and another new fave, New Workd by AJ Fernandez. 

 

I know what you're thinking: Uhhhh...what about the Island Jim? You know, the proprietor's namesake? Don't you think you should mention that, dear, sweet bloggess?

Well, home skillet, I would mention it, except they're sold out!! So why should I get you all excited for something you can't have? That's just mean!!

But they will be back in house sometime in January, so save your Christmas money. 

 

Here's another treasure of the Leaf and Bean: Melody, Jim's better half. She's a kindred spirit; she doesn't actually smoke  cigars but knows tons and tons about them. But she's super friendly and fun to chat with. 

 

Here's the dealio: I don't actually want to live in Pennsylvania because it's way too far from the ocean. But if IF I found some reason I found myself inhabiting a home with a western PA address, I've already picked out my barber chair in the back, where I could write and write and write. 

 

So come here. It's on The Strip on 22nd street. (I know the mailing address is Penn Ave. Ignore that.) if you're at the intersection of the two streets, looking toward the thousands, no, millions of vendors hawking fruit and Steelers merchandise, go left on 22nd. You're going to come across an island of color. Go towards the color. Go. Now. 

 

 

*For those who don't know, the Italians call sauce "gravy" and pasta "macaroni." Yes, they are weird. 

**Stuffed from the Primanti's sandwich, if you must know. Look how big the darned sandwich is!

***Yes, it is a word. 

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious* MonteChristmaso!

Having something big and amazing to look forward to?
Super good. Especially when it's a Very Big Thing (VBT).

Having other things to look forward on the way to that bigger thing?
This:

We have something super big we're looking forward to at the end of the month--no, not Christmas. We'll tell you what at the end of the post. Don't read ahead!

That's the joy of December: parties galore! And more! Stuff to look forward to on the way to the VBT.

The first of these came yesterday--the end of the semester at one of the places I teach.**

Tonight, the second super fun thing we looked forward to for a couple of weeks: We're hanging with our friends at Broadway Cigars for some Christmas party action with a super-sized side of Montecristo event.

I took this picture all by myself!!

 

Valentino started the night with this baby, the Montecristo Espada. Speaking of things to look forward to, this stick of awesome will make its way into the rotation of frequently-smoked cigars.***  He is doing the social butterfly thing that he does so well (and, as we've discussed, I do so poorly--which is why I'm writing this while the party goes on around me), so I'm not getting a chance to fully enjoy the cigar.

But here's what I've picked up so far, as he makes his way back to me and drinks my Diet Coke. As an aside, it's a good thing 1. I love him**** and 2. He took Good Will away hunting***** for a week.

Will: You seem like a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Valentino: You seem like a decent fellow. I hate to die.
(I love The Princess Bride. Don't you?
Will does. Are you really going to cross an owl with a sword?)

Anyway, what I have loved about the Espada, released in July of this year, thus far: some spiciness, oak, and coffee, different flavors during different passes by. BUT! The underlying awesome through it all? Maple. I KNOW! I was like, um, did I drop some maple syrup on my shirt at breakfast this morning?****** But no! I mean, yes, but not this shirt, because I changed!

This might just be the first time I've come across that taste in all my second hand smoking. Or at least that I can remember. For what that's worth.

Anyway, Espada means "sword," which given the threat against Valentino's life by Will, is quite apropos.

According to Cigar Aficionado, "Montecristo Espada is described by Altadis as a spicy cigar that owes its strong, piquant character to a variety of growing regions in Nicaragua. Featuring a Cuban-seed Habano wrapper and binder from Jalapa, the cigar combines several different Nicaraguan tobaccos in the filler from Jalapa, Ometepe and Condega."

I don't even have to remind you, although I will, about how much I love love love an interesting story. Here's one, from Cigars International: "The story of Montecristo Espada is seriously interesting. Not long ago, Montecristo and famed tobacco grower and cigar maker Nestor Plasencia struck a deal. This deal would gave Montecristo’s blending team, known as the ‘Grupo de Maestros,’ unrestricted access to Plasencia’s world-renowned library of tobaccos and state of the art factory. There, the Grupo de Maestro’s went to work, spending months creating the perfect blend. A blend that’s unlike any other Montecristo ever before. A Nicaraguan puro that’s overflowing with flavor. A cigar that’s as near perfect as they come. A cigar that’s easily fitting of the Montecristo name, but with a level of flavor that’s surprising and welcomed. In short, Montecristo Espada is exceptional."

The Counts of Montecristo:
Bobby Ianiero, Montecristo rep John Troiano, JV, and our hero.

Valentino doesn't know this, because he's off somewhere in this giant room, but I'm going to get additional Espadas so they can make it into full rotation. Shhh.

So super cool thing to look forward to, but then the thing always finishes and I'm a little bit sad. But again, thanks December, we have lots more fun stuff to do.  All working up to the VBT, which happens in 20 days!



*Yes, I checked the spelling. It had the red line under it. And then when I fixed the spelling, the red line went away! It's in the Word dictionary.  Somehow, my life feels a little more compete.

**Valentino hates when I say I teach. "You're a professor!" Urgh. Fine. At one of the places I profess.

***The list varies from time to time, but the always-seens include the Joel Sherman, Padron '64, and La Palina Goldie.

****Ewwww. Mushy, girly stuff!

*****Get it?

******This is not inconceivable.

[source]

Poor Valentino! Or: "This doesn't suck." Or: All hail Padron!

Valentino puts up with so much. Recently, I underwent five days of IV steroids for my MS, while upping the dose of other meds and trying to not go crazy thanks to another drug and then trying to punch migraines in the face with yet one more. I am setting the scene! I am not looking for sympathy! I'm generally fine and never even think about it--unless I don't want to do something, in which case...well...you know...

But as of this writing I am simultaneously foggy-headed, hyper, and zoned out. Then that changes and hungry takes over. Everything is nutty in Penny World. (And now! With nougat!*). 

So in an effort to distract him with his version of something shiny, I purchased this while at Habanos, hoping it might take his mind off the next wave of chemical crazy:

We've discovered over years of intensive research (hahahahaha) that Valentino is partial to Nicaraguan blends over all others. Not to say he doesn't love a variety of international smokes, because he will give anything a try and once he lights up, he's committed to finishing, regardless of his love level.** Although there was one cigar that he smoked about half an inch and that was that. Done. Fin. Kaput.  It was a generic cigar from a charity event. (Thanks, Brian! He should have let you throw it away!!)

Anyway, the Padron 85 Years, part of the Family Reserve line, is named in honor of Jose O. Padron's 85th birthday in 2011 and is available in natural and maduro 5 1/4 x 50 box-press robusto.

 

 

 Cigar Coop describes the smoke this way: "The start to the Padron Family Reserve 85th Natural was very similar to the pre-light draw with wood and pepper notes.  By about the five percent mark, some natural tobacco sweetness surfaced.  In the first half of the smoke of the Padron Family Reserve 85th, I categorized the pepper as a primary note, the natural tobacco sweetness secondary, and the wood notes tertiary.

 

"In the second half, the natural tobacco sweetness picked up quite a bit and came on par with the pepper.  I also detected some nut notes on the after-draw.  The nut notes slowly increased and eventually would push out the natural tobacco sweetness.   The last 25 percent of the cigar had a nutty and peppery profile."

Because my senses were all out of whack, I, unfortunately, didn't get to enjoy this beauty.*** Obviously I didn't think this purchase through before I handed it to him. But Valentino could taste and love it, giving it his highest praise, "This doesn't suck."

 

All the tobacco used in the Family Reserve series is aged ten years before becoming a premium cigar. 

Crank the Good Girlfriend Points up to 11!

Traveling Stogie stated in their review, "There was a bit of cocoa but and wood but the pepper really dominated the flavors.  The pepper settled down as I entered the first third and I immediately notice a cherry note with dark chocolate flavors.  The pepper is still there but the cherry is so distinct, I can’t help but focus on that.  The dark chocolate notes definitely help to balance out the flavor profile."

Reviewers at halfwheel.com noted, "It started out full and ended as a solid medium."  They also said, when giving the cigar a 90 rating, "Whenever we review one of the Family Reserves, I feel like we are in the middle of Groundhog day, as we always seem to say the same things. In my opinion, Padróns have never been the most complex of cigars flavor-wise and the 85th is no different. However, the flavors it does have are dark, intensely rich and distinct. When you add in the amazing construction, draw and burn, and it is easily a very good cigar."

During the onset of our courtship, Valentino said, as I flipped through one of the multitudes of cigar catalogues that glut the mailbox, "If you ever want to buy me something, my favorite is the 64 Padron."



Ahhhhhhh...

 

I nodded enthusiastically, tallying up all the Good Girlfriend Points that  purchase would get me.  I filed it away, promising myself I would figure out what 64 Padron actually meant. Because...what?

I still haven't earned those points, by the way.  I've purchased the random 64 here and there, a few 26es, but this Family Reserve 85 is above and beyond awesome. His face lit with joy, peace, and satisfaction with the first draw, increasing in intensity as the cigar burned.  

If this one cigar brought him happiness after a couple of days of crazy, I'm thinking a box of ten might get us through this round of treatment. Shhh. Don't tell him!

Of course if I were a REALLY good girlfriend, I'd pony up a box of the new 50th Anniversary. But not just any box. This one:

I suspect when he's making happy noises as he sleeps,
he's dreaming about owning this.
[source]

 

 

*Does anyone actually know what nougat is?****   

**I think I just made up a new ranking system! It should probably be capitalized: Love Level. 

 

***Which means we're going to need a re-do, of course.

 

****I would still eat it.  I'm that hungry. 

You Stay Classy, Cigar Smokers*

One of my favorite things about cigar smokers (besides all the other things, which are also favorites) is that they exude class and dignity.

A quiet serenity surrounds a person when they smoke a cigar. You know this. There's the contemplative ritual of cutting, toasting, lighting, taking the inaugural puffs and the first delicious pull. There's the sweetness of silent camaraderie. 

Sure, there can be raucous laughter and sexual innuendo that would make the most experienced line cook blush. But underlying it all is the respect for the cigar, the respect for the fellow smokers, and respect for the way of life. 

Until there isn't. 

Some of my cigar-smoking friends are the smartest people I know. They are doctors (Hi Doc!), car salesmen (Hi Eric!), and Certified Executive Chefs, of which there are only 2000 in the entire country (Hi Valentino!).

They are professional football players (Hi Jeremy!), prison guards (Hi Sergio!), and bankers (Hi Brian!). 

Never have any of these--or the multitudes of others--tried to impress me with how smart they are. Could I learn something from each and every one of them? Absolutely. And I do, through clever conversation, verbal volleyball, and joke jousting. Give-and-take. Sharing. Maintaining balance. 

Yesterday, I ran into someone at an event who broke all the rules. Before we'd even settled in, a woman we've never met before interjected herself into a conversation. That's fine. Who hasn't? That's a great way to meet new people. We're a friendly bunch, the two caballeros, three amigos, and me. (I'm fancying myself as Maid Marian in this rowdy band of thieves** and lotharios.***)

In her grating voice, this woman screeched "I know what each of you is smoking." She then identified each man's sticks (heh). Impressive? Meh. All the bands were pretty visible and easily identifiable, which of course is a marketer's dream. 

She glommed onto a couple members of the band of merry men and talked. And talked. And talked, spewing facts and a litany of who she has been photographed with.**** 

I tapped out early on. I am not a fan of "Look at everything I know" litanies.  No sharing. Not even "Hi, my name is..."  Just "Let me prove to you that I know things."

Throughout the day, she'd start up again; after all, plenty of audience members present! And then she'd circle back to us. 

As I was who-know-whatting, I heard her say, "No, no, no. Don't use that cutter. I have the perfect cutter." She then pranced around our table waving a guillotine cutter and proceeded to show Valentino how to cut a Nica Rustica to "the perfect amount" with "the perfect cutter." 

Sweetie, he's been cutting cigars longer than you've been alive. He has an expensive Xicar cutter (monogrammed, if you must know). He's humoring you, but really, he's also inching away from you--politely, but still inching. 

One of the main topics I beg my students to learn is audience. Before you write, know who you're writing for. Before you speak, understand who you're speaking with. Your words, tone, and approach must be appropriate for your audience. 

Cigar smokers come from all walks of life, and we can never completely understand from whence they've come. Because it doesn't really matter. There will always be glad-handing, the first step in accepting another person into your own personal brotherhood or sisterhood. Once you've shared cigar smoke with someone, an expectation of equivalency is established.

So was that woman memorable? Absolutely, and not in a good way. As Cabellero #2 said after he, too, inched away, "Yeah, she knows her stuff...but she won't shut up." And by the way, she was playing a losing game of one-upsmanship with the Grand Master. Imagine how much she could have learned by actually having a grown-up conversation with him.

Metaphor alert: Please don't go flashing your new $200 Fossil watch, telling everyone how it magically tells time. The person you're speaking at may just happen to have a Rolex under his shirt sleeve. He doesn't have to flash it to know how long until the cigar lounge closes. He will quietly, classily, check to see if he has time for that new 50th Anniversary Padrón. 

 

Here's what it all comes down to: Class, dignity, and maturity together are the filler, binder, and wrapper of cigar smokers. Missing one leaves you unfinished. Obviously, anyone can smoke a cigar, but not everyone is a true cigar smoker, a Brother or Sister of the Leaf.

 

*

**Metaphorical
 

***Double metaphorical--they're all happily married. Except Valentino of course. Whew!

****FYI: Standing next to person while someone takes your picture is not really noteworthy, in my opinion. Chatting with them and walking away with a better understanding of who they are as a person is. Making them laugh is. Giving them something to think about is. Making them feel better about themselves is.  You get the gist.

One of you will be receiving two TWO! Padrons! And the winner is...

As Valentino organizes his new humidor (which you will get to see as soon as it's prettified and stocked), I managed to lay claim to not one, but two Padron '64 Anniversary Series for you folks. Full disclosure: The humidor seems to be low on the torpedoes, so I'm sending you this instead (I'm sorry if it makes you sad that it's not torpedo action; please don't yell at me--I'll just cry and that's not something anyone wants to see). What was I saying? Oh yeah, this is coming your way:

'64 Anniversary Series Diplomatico and Exclusivo, coming soon to...one of you.
That's way better than what we promised--one measly torpedo!
What a bunch of cheapskates we are! Or at least we gave the illusion of being!

 Or at least one of you folks, since it's time for the reaping.

I bet you do. [source]

So we scientifically scribbled the names on paper--remember, one for a comment on the giveaway post and another for signing up for our mailing list--and tossed them into this beauty (below), which Valentino received as a birthday gift from our super fab neighbors. (Not these neighbors, because that would just be weird. And probably inappropriate.)

A visual representation--not the actual one because it's currently in use and if you know anything about me at this point, obvs I am not going to get up and wash an ashtray when I can steal a picture of a pristine one from the internet. Yes, it was clean during the choosing, but then cigars happened, as they are wont to do on cool, waning summer evenings.

 

And the winner is...Bryan Kizer!

Wahoooooo! Yay Bryan! [source] Now go check out the September giveaway!!

Valentino's August Cigar of the Month--Padron 1964 Anniversary Series Torpedo!! Whaaa?

That's right, all you premium cigar lovers.

I have in my metaphorical hand a Padron 1964 Anniversary Series torpedo with one of your names on it.

Why this one? Because Valentino's birthday is August 23 and he very very very generously wants to celebrate by giving you his favorite cigar.

You'll get one.  Just one. I can't take away all his favorite toys!
[source]

This Padron really needs no introductions because it's pretty much a stick of perfection. 

But in case you need some convincing, Famous Smoke Shop says, "The Padrón 1964 Anniversary Series line was introduced in 1994 to commemorate the company's 30th anniversary. Sought for their flawless construction, mouthwatering wrappers and robust, dark tobacco flavor with traces of cocoa and coffee bean, these rare, box-pressed, puros made with 4 year-aged tobaccos, rank among the top of the world's best cigars. A specially designed double band features an individually numbered label to guard against counterfeiting. In a word: AWESOME!"

Comment on this post to be entered to win.  (Be sure to leave your email address so we can get in touch with you!) Want a second chance? Subscribe to our blog posts by email--over there on the right side of the blog.

The winner will be chosen on the 25th of each month--because my birthday is on the 25th (of December; be sure to mark your calendars), and what better way to count down to the blessed event than to give something away?

So! Comment below. Wheeeee!

The Song of Salomon or: Penny in a Grown-up Penny-Candy Store

I like stuff that's a little off.

But before I go any further, let's say "Hello!" to my parents' dog, Baxter. He has nothing to do with the rest of this post, but I was just thinking about how cool he is.*

He's about twice this size now. They're going to need a bigger boat, er, back porch landing.

Okay, so, when I say "off," I mean non-symmetrical or just a little out of the ordinary.

Valentino, of course, is the complete opposite. When I arrange pillows on the couch, I put three on one side and one on the other. Next time I pass through the room, They're two and two.**

Yesterday we went to our favorite cigar shop, Mr. J's Havana in West Warwick, RI. One of the guys hanging around said checking out all the choices was just like being a kid in a penny candy store.  Definitely. By the way, I didn't mean to leave nose prints on the glass display cases, but if you happen to see any there, they might be mine.  (Sorry!)

In a sea of parejos, also known as coronas--the more traditional stick shape--I'm immediately drawn to the figurados, irregularly-shaped cigars. You know, not the traditional cigar. Not ordinary. Off-kilter.

About them, Cigar Aficionado says, "Although the majority of cigars are parejos, a growing number of cigar companies are broadening their portfolios with more creatively shaped smokes. These cigars are called figurados, and they include any cigar that is not a straight-sided cylinder."

Just some of the cool shapes. [source]

Yesterday at the shop, we made off with, among other things, (thanks to American Express), a few '64 Padron Pyramid naturals (to keep the maduros in the humidor company). Plus, we've always always always been fans of the '64 Padron torpedo...***

Really, you can't go wrong with any of these--but aren't the figuerados just a leeeeetle bit cooler?

I'd hoped to lay my hands on these LFD Mysterioso perfectos, but they were out.  Anyone know where I can get my grubby mitts on some? Also, if you happen to come in contact with any awesome cigars that fall into this wackily-fun category, please let me know!

Waaaaant... [source]

And then we saw these LFD salomons (below) from last year, ready to purchase, but The Powers that Be didn't know the price yet, so we left without them. But we'll be back!

Maybe it's the box that appeals to me so. Am I that shallow? Maybe...

I could go on and on about cigar shapes, and be sure I will sometime soon, but right now I have to go plan a college course that begins...in six hours. (Oops.) Shhh. It's not like I waited until the last minute!

Okay, then I saved this fine piece of writing and forgot to actually share it with you and then! And then! Yesterday (the real yesterday, not the fake one earlier in the post), this popped up in my email: "Cigar News: La Flor Dominicana Salomones Return for 2014 (Cigar Preview)."

I'm feeling very prescient. Maybe I should play the lottery! [source]

In case you don't know, the Salomon is a large cigar "tapered at both ends and often finished with a nipple [ed note: heh heh] foot. Larger than a perfecto and smaller than a diadema,**** it is a difficult size to produce, requiring an uncommon skill level and about twice the rolling time of a normal parejo-style cigar. Usually, only a handful of factory rollers are qualified to make them, and in Cuba, most are made without molds," according to Cigar Aficionado's article "The Big Beauty in Cigar Shops--the Salomon."

More, please.

Just in case you're shopping for a certain someone's birthday, which happens to be August 23, he loves loves loves the Gurkha Beauty Salomon.  Here are the deets, according to Cigar.com: "A 7-year-aged Ecuadorian Connecticut wrapper with a medium-bodied array of premium Honduran long leaves aged at least five years. An amazing character presents smooth, toasty flavors throughout." 

We're probably heading back to Mr. J's later today for some awesome sticks and something new that just hit the market--that I swear I'll tell you about soon!


*Actually, Baxter is out of the ordinary as well. He's big and floppy and uncommonly friendly. And his pedigree is as pure as the finest cigars. In case you were wondering, he's a Bernese Mountain Dog.

**When I met him, all his cigars were parejos. And now? Figurados abound!!

***Know what's funny? I've bought boxes and boxes of cigars over the years, and I've never bought a box of Padrons. Huh. Luckily, someone has a birthday coming up!

****"Diadema cigars are a large cigar, typically 8.5 inches in length with a ring gauge of 60.

They are pyramid shaped and have a full strength and full flavour." [source]