When it's gone, it's gone. Also, when you're done with it, it's gone.

And when it's done, it's done.

We were who-knows-where the other day and a new smoker asked, "How much should I smoke?"

"All the time," we answered. (You're welcome, brand and shop owners.)

"No," he said, holding up the cigar for emphasis. "How far down should I smoke?"

Ahhh...one of life's great questions, comparable to "Band on or off while you smoke?" and "Cello on or off when storing them?"

I've read and/or heard to smoke it:

• to the halfway mark
• to the band
• until your fingers burn 
• until there's absolutely nothing left except burnt fingers and memories of emergency room visits

Stopping this one halfway
would have been a crime against nature.

One website stated, "Allow the cigar to die a dignified death; after it's smoked halfway, it will go out on its own." It commits suicide like a 1920s B-movie ingenue? I just can't bear to go on...

My head tilts like a confused puppy.

What did I just hear?

I paid $10/$15/$30/in some cases $100 for a cigar and I'm supposed to throw away half of it?

Valentino and the $100 smoke.
Even if he hadn't smoked it down to the nubbin',
I'd have demanded it.

Yes, a cigar may get stronger as you smoke it. And some will become harsh. But many won't. Some get better. Some are so fucking good you don't ever want to stop smoking them.

The same article states, "A cigar is not meant to be smoked down to the foot and the shorter you allow it to go the harsher the smoke will become" [sic].

[source]

But...but... The foot is the part you light!

What have we learned from this?

1. Just because it's on the  mighty, mighty internets doesn't mean it's true.*
2. A good majority of people in the lounge and on the internets will tell you the "right" way. While guidelines exist for propriety's sake, even those will vary from community to community, so hearken back to the basic rules of manners, all of which boil down to Treat others the way you want to be treated.

So how much of your cigar should you smoke?

Smoke the damn thing until it isn't pleasurable anymore--maybe it gets harsh or you're bored with the flavor profile. If it's so damn good you don't want to let it go, keep smoking. Just keep in mind: when in polite company, please don't pull out your high school roach clip; if you're alone, and the cigar continues to rock your world, go for it. (Just be sure to hide it again when you're done.)



*You're probably expecting me to tell you next that there's no Santa Claus. I would never tell you that. My very very wise mom says the more you believe, the more you get. I REALLY, REALLY believe.

Don't be a Douchebag: Another age-old question

I was procrastinating the other day* and came across this question, posited by the grandmaster of cigar publications, Cigar Aficionado: 

When going to a cigar lounge or bar, should you purchase a cigar from the establishment, or is it OK to bring your own?

We've long-debated this question, feeling shifty about smoking our own but also faced with the dilemma: When you own several thousand cigars and suffer through New England winters (and springs, obviously, said the girl who would soon be stuck on a highway behind a copse of heavy-duty sanders for way too long), you must patronize cigar lounges to smoke more than three rapid-fire puffs. 

This happened last year. Sooo...thank heavens for cigar lounges!

May I quote my mom, a very wise woman? 

If you question whether something could technically be wrong, it probably is. In other words, if your conscious causes you a milli-moment of doubt, you shouldn't be doing it. Don't do it.

Look, you're welcome to smoke your own, especially if a particular cigar holds your fancy hostage, ruining you for any another. Outside is out of the question, as Mother Nature gets in her moods. Enter: the cigar lounge. Or you enter the cigar lounge. Whatever.

So, yes! Smoke your own. But! Also! Buy a damn cigar. Support the shop. 

Pick up something you've never tried before. Get an old favorite you're running low on. Donate a couple to Cigars for Warriors! Buy one and hand it to a friend.

Please please please don't do this.
You know that, karmically,
announcing what you did negates any good deed, right?

If, say, 50% of the people who went into that lounge only smoked their own and didn't make any purchases, how long will the shop stay in business? Although the precise answer would involve math,** we can say with conviction, "Not as long as you'd want it to be."

Some shops charge a "cutting fee" (usually around $10) if you bring a cigar and don't make a purchase. Don't bitch about this fee. Ever. We will fight you.

An aside: Cigar lounges, might we make a suggestion? Since you aren't LOSING any money when someone comes in with his or her own cigar and you feel obligated to charge the cutting fee, might we recommend donating this money (or a portion of it) to a charity or non-profit? It might make the charge a little less horrible in the patron's eye--although most everyone we know understands the reasoning behind it.

Another alternative: Take out a membership at your favorite lounge(s). You won't have to make a purchase each time you want to smoke, plus you'll get additional advantages, like discounts, members-only events, advance notice of sales, perhaps a humidified locker, and definitely some new, awesome friends. (As a matter of fact, I'm currently writing this in the members' room of one of our home-base lounges!)

For the entire Cigar Aficionado answer, go here.

*If you know me, then you know this could be any day of the week, any time of day.

**Math is dumb.

Cigar Lounge Douchebag: Don't be a Hater--or a Generalizer (although we don't mind if you sweep)

We've discussed this before. It bears repeating. Apparently not everyone in the world reads every post. Shocking! I know!

Speaking of shocking, the other night* at an undisclosed cigar lounge, a relatively new visitor said, "Everyone always talks about their favorite cigars. That's boring. What cigars do you guys really hate?"

Valentino and I exchanged the look as this guy began listing cigar brands. Not just specific cigars or vitolas, mind you--he actually said, "Anything by____ and _____ and_____."

Whaaa?

When we were in Nicaragua last month, Nick Perdomo recommended you (we--haha not me, though) smoke all of a blend's sizes. Maybe you won't like the binder-filler combination in the bigger gauge, but scootch down to a smaller ring gauge and you could hit Nirvana with this ratio. By writing off the entire blend because of one size, you'd have done yourself a solid sad. Don't give yourself a solid sad.

Nick Perdomo is outstanding in his field.
He's also definitely NOT a douchebag.

As this guy blathered on, I held steady in that grey area where alertness and sleepiness converge. I wanted to smugly ask if he'd had all the cigars' variations these noted manufacturers manufactured, but I couldn't form complete thoughts with my foggy brain, so I kept my pie hole shut. (Mmmm. Pie.)

I did offer, "We don't say anything negative about..." but his negativity-track-mind disallowed my addition to his one-sided conversation.

Then brave, brave Valentino gave it the old community-college-try. "Maybe those don't fit your flavor profile, but that doesn't make them bad." This guy wanted no additions of logic or reason and turned away from our hero, shooting his diatribe toward another patron.

One cause of my college writing class fist-shaking (with an undercurrent of "Kids these days!") is sweeping generalizations.

Gratuitous grammar and writing lesson (no extra charge!): When you find yourself writing or speaking and using (or implying) ALL of something is true, your whole argument falls apart (unless you can prove your statement with hard facts and/or data). And since he obviously couldn't prove that every _____ cigar was "bad" (whatever that means), his argument--and therefore credibility--was shot.

So the next time you head into a cigar lounge, please please please remember:

1. Just because a cigar doesn't fit your flavor profile doesn't make it bad.
2. If you're looking for a fight, you're probably not going to find it in a cigar lounge.
3. Not every cigar of a particular company is bad. Everyone thinks that's stupid. (See what I did there?)
4. Try listening. You just might learn something. If you want to perform a monologue, go find a stage.
5. You are not the smartest person in the room. We're all good at something. Whatever you're good at doesn't make you better than anyone else.
6. Make friends, not people who dread seeing you walk into the shop.

Okay, class over. Go smoke a cigar. Try something new. You may be surprised.



*This USED to say "last night," but now it should read "many last nights ago.."

The Successful Cigar Lounge (Employee edition)

Jorge Padron [source] 

"...the focus should be on quality, not quantity.  By this I mean that it is not necessarily the biggest store or walk-in humidor that makes a tobacconist great, [sic] it is the quality of the employees that make the difference. Tobacconists that understand their customers' needs and preferences, and who pair that with the perfect product for that particular smoker, are successful at what they do." 

--Jorge Padron, from the Foreword in The Tabacconist Handbook

We've been thinking a lot about cigar lounges lately: What makes one successful and another not-so-much.

In a completely unscientific and totally slipshod experiment, using the word "experiment" so loose it's probably turning tricks on a shitty city street corner, we've made a few notes about what works and what doesn't in a cigar lounge (as it relates to humidor/cigar sales only).

These brain musings focus on the sales clerk/staff only (in no particular order). We'll take on the other aspects another day.

The Good Clerk

• Wants to know what you currently smoke.
• Offers recommendations through conversation rather than hard-selling a specific cigar.
• Remains in the vicinity for quick assistance but no so close you feel you need to buy him/her a drink. 
• Understands at least the basic cigar terminology and doesn't look like a confused cheerleader when you ask for a lancero.
• Shares info about the shop if you're new, including regular events and upcoming special events.

The Not-so-good Clerk

• Know everything about everything and anything you say is wrong. 
• Holds the world championship title in oneupsmanship.
• Follows you so closely that onlookers mistake you for newlyweds.
• Makes you look up a price in the humidor. 
• Is constantly surprised by the stock.
• Is too busy talking to other patrons to acknowledge your presence. (This is cousin to the clerk who stays on the phone without even making eye contact.) 
• Obviously works on commission or needs to meet a sales quota because you aren't getting past him unless you hand over your wallet or at least your AmEx. 

The Head-banging-on-counter/why-does-this-person-have-a-job? Clerk

• Doesn't greet you when you walk into the shop.
• Consistently mispronounces company/brand names--Olivia cigars, anyone?
• Goes missing when you need to pay. 
• Doesn't listen.
• Says "I just work here." 
• Tells you to give him a flat amount of cash where he's sitting rather than ringing you up. You don't need a receipt, right?
• Obviously steals from the owner. (Do you tell the owner? This is a post for another day.)

You've surely seen most, if not all, of these scenarios at one point or another.  Join us in applauding the Good Clerk. Thank the guy or gal personally. Then go one step further and tell the shop owner or manager about the great service.

If you own a shop, we recommend checking out these books:

Available for purchase here.

 

Available here.

More than the number of cigars your humidor holds or how many special events and dinners you hold, excellent customer service is what brings people back to your shop. Make sure every customer has an excellent visit. After all, you never know who they could recommend visit--or discourage from visiting your shop.