This week, I take on a subject I know nothing about! Thanks to Valentino and a pal, I sound wicked smaht. (Thanks a billion trillion, Patrick!)
Favorite scene from the whole movie. For realz.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Good men golfing and Good Will Hunting
This week, I take on a subject I know nothing about! Thanks to Valentino and a pal, I sound wicked smaht. (Thanks a billion trillion, Patrick!)
Still timely, thanks to the deflated balls fiasco, which keeps the SuperBowl in the news six months later
You know how I'm always a little behind because I get distracted by air and Hostess snack cakes? Someone cranked the procrastination up to 11 for this one!
We're not here to talk about the SuperBowl, which bandied on in the background as I started this blog post. Hahaha.* I'd say no one even remembers what happened during the game (except maybe a couple of commercials), but yeah. This year's. We all know how it ended, with an entire Patriots Nation up-in-arms and a slew of giddy comedians imagining all the "ball" jokes they'd get to make.
Most memorable part of this year's Big Game for us? This La Flor Dominicana collection of beauties:
“The cigar is a celebration of football,” Carney said. I say it's a celebration of awesomeness, just like the entire stable of LFD cigars.
"Well?" I asked, fingers poised over the laptop, as if I would actually write a timely blogpost and not be lured away by the delicious foods passed around Habanos as part of the big (game) event.
After declaring the cigar a winner, with no accusations later about deflated balls, those two gazed lovingly at the damn cigars with every puff.***** (You can read a full review by not me here.)
About that empty promise I made? Naturally, he remembered. I hit the internet again, beginning a new quest for things to light on fire.****** Found 'em at Fine Ash Cigars, owned by my from-that-point-on best friend Sam Lopez and his lovely bride Rosie.
Bought a box.
Felt content.
He smoked a couple more.
We're not here to talk about the SuperBowl, which bandied on in the background as I started this blog post. Hahaha.* I'd say no one even remembers what happened during the game (except maybe a couple of commercials), but yeah. This year's. We all know how it ended, with an entire Patriots Nation up-in-arms and a slew of giddy comedians imagining all the "ball" jokes they'd get to make.
Most memorable part of this year's Big Game for us? This La Flor Dominicana collection of beauties:
 |
| Wait for it... |
 |
| And Boom! as our favorite LFDer and SuperFriend likes to say. (Hi John!) |
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| Whaaa? I KNOW! |
Naturally, it all starts with Facebook, as so many things do. A post popped up, revealing these 5 3/4 x 60 babies, only available in Arizona. I started looking up flights and participating shops.
But damn if Caballero #2 isn't the fastest cigar purchaser in the west. East, actually. While I fiddled around trying to find a flight not bogged down by the 76 feet of snow accumulated thus far, he got on the phone and called Arizona.** A few moments later, he sent me a message: He'd purchased a box for our hero.***
Of course upon their quick pre-game arrival, Valentino didn't want to open them and ruin the full box of ten.**** "Then I will only have nine," he whimpered. But we did open them, thanks to me making promises I might not be able to fulfill. He, sadly yet happily, set one aflame.
The other LFD-Jon in our lives, VP of Sales Jon Carney, said, in an interview with halfwheel.com, "[T]he cigar will be an entirely new blend that uses an Ecuadorian Habano wrapper, Nicaraguan binder and Dominican filler" and is based on an idea from Baxter’s Cigars in Phoenix.
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| The caballeros. Caballeri? |
“The cigar is a celebration of football,” Carney said. I say it's a celebration of awesomeness, just like the entire stable of LFD cigars.
 |
| About the cigar: "This is fucking good." (The photograph, not so much.) |
"Well?" I asked, fingers poised over the laptop, as if I would actually write a timely blogpost and not be lured away by the delicious foods passed around Habanos as part of the big (game) event.
After declaring the cigar a winner, with no accusations later about deflated balls, those two gazed lovingly at the damn cigars with every puff.***** (You can read a full review by not me here.)
About that empty promise I made? Naturally, he remembered. I hit the internet again, beginning a new quest for things to light on fire.****** Found 'em at Fine Ash Cigars, owned by my from-that-point-on best friend Sam Lopez and his lovely bride Rosie.
Bought a box.
Felt content.
He smoked a couple more.
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| Oh you gorgeous thing. |
And then I panicked. With four left from that original box, they'd soon be gone and, as I have not only met Valentino but know him better than anyone on the planet, he'd never open and smoke the backup box.
I crossed my fingers, began an oft-used mantra that generally accompanies cigar searches, "Please still have some. Please still have some," uncrossed my fingers so I could type, and travelled back to Sam's site.
And then there were two--one for my main caballero and one for the humidor.
As I type this in June, I worry about that other box getting low. ::types "LFD football edition" into search engine::
To again quote our pal, Boom! Found them! Of course I just told you my secret to finding hard-to-find cigars. Dummy.
I'll race you there--because the alternative, rewriting a portion of this blog post, would mean you wouldn't see it until the next SuperBowl.
Just hope that shiny Ring Ding package over there slows me down.
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| Photo from LFD, which explains is loveliness. |
*Self-imposed goals/targets are stupid. So are deadlines.
**Not the whole state.
***Keeping track of the gifts these two give each other is becoming a full-time job. (Applications now being accepted.)
****As you may recall, or maybe not because I forgot to tell you, when I purchase cigars (sticks or boxes), I generally get one for each Caballero and one for the humidor.
*****Damn you, Litto Gomez (kidding! Love you!), for making that happen. Those looks are generally reserved for me!
******I can't help it, since my boy grew up in the 90s, but every time someone mentions football, my brain sees and hears this:
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| A million life bonus points if you know the show. [source] |
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Cigar Lounge Manners: Leave your cigs in the car, please
Two words: Cigar. Lounge.
Not cigarette lounge.
Here's the difference:
Premium cigars are hand-rolled tobacco leaves. The end. The smells and smoke are natural by-products of the leaves--just leaves. And those smells vary, based on where the plant was grown, where on the plant the leaves come from, and how long those leaves are fermented. The end. Again.
Cigarettes are, according to the American Lung Association, a mixture of 600 ingredients that create 7,200 chemicals, 69 of which are carcinogens. When you bring your cigarettes in and light up, you're forcing the patrons to inhale those chemicals--just like if you smoked anywhere else.
Additionally, the cigar culture is based on calmness and reflection, with cigars taking up to 90 minutes to smoke. Those cigarettes? There's no time for reflection. Your goal is to get as much nicotine into your system as soon and as quickly as possible; you certainly don't look relaxed--more frantic than anything else. If you come in and chain smoke cigarettes, you're literally doing the cigar lounge wrong.
Smoke and smokers are not created equally.
If you're heading to the cigar lounge with some pals, leave the cigs in the car and purchase a cigar. If you aren't sure what you'll like, ask the lounge attendant/humidor manager for a suggestion. (Be sure to tell him/her you are a cig smoker; this will affect his/her recommendation.) Trust us: There's something for everyone.
Now give that cigar an open-minded shot--but remember that lighting and smoking a cigar comes with its own set of rules. Watch others or ask for assistance. But that's a blog post for another day...
NOTE: If you don't love Archer one billion percent, then we can't be friends anymore. Sorry!
Not cigarette lounge.
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| They're looking down on you because you're lighting up a cigarette in a cigar lounge |
Here's the difference:
Premium cigars are hand-rolled tobacco leaves. The end. The smells and smoke are natural by-products of the leaves--just leaves. And those smells vary, based on where the plant was grown, where on the plant the leaves come from, and how long those leaves are fermented. The end. Again.
Cigarettes are, according to the American Lung Association, a mixture of 600 ingredients that create 7,200 chemicals, 69 of which are carcinogens. When you bring your cigarettes in and light up, you're forcing the patrons to inhale those chemicals--just like if you smoked anywhere else.
Additionally, the cigar culture is based on calmness and reflection, with cigars taking up to 90 minutes to smoke. Those cigarettes? There's no time for reflection. Your goal is to get as much nicotine into your system as soon and as quickly as possible; you certainly don't look relaxed--more frantic than anything else. If you come in and chain smoke cigarettes, you're literally doing the cigar lounge wrong.
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| No. Literally. |
Smoke and smokers are not created equally.
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| Know why? Because he knows better than to smoke cigs at the cigar lounge. |
Now give that cigar an open-minded shot--but remember that lighting and smoking a cigar comes with its own set of rules. Watch others or ask for assistance. But that's a blog post for another day...
 |
| Relaxxxedddddd... Well, as relaxed as you can be on Archer. |
NOTE: If you don't love Archer one billion percent, then we can't be friends anymore. Sorry!
Cigar Lounge Manners: I need my space!
When the space is yours
Even though you're in a public place, there's an understanding that your cigar lounge space shan't be disturbed or infiltrated. Even if you leave your stuff and walk away from the bar or your chair, it will be exactly the same when you come back, nary an item moved, no one's ass in your seat.
Except sometimes, when no one is looking, someone new will borrow a lighter from an absent spacelord, or move the stuff aside and slip into the chair.
The cigar lounge is an obvious social place, where most people know or are at least familiar with the guests and feel comfortable leaving their things to chat with a friend. Keep this in mind: Even if you see a seat empty for a realllllly long time, you don't get to decide the resident won't be back and it's fine to take his chair.
Every once in a while, you'll see this: Someone pushes stuff aside and sits. When they're told, "Hey, so-and-so is sitting there," the response is "Fuck him." However, assume they are best friends and this is standard practice. Do not assume you can do this. You can't.
When space is at a premium
Oh, the busy days at the cigar lounge, when the only elbow room is the classic song in your head:
You need to remember the cigar lounge isn't your home, where you can sprawl out on the couch and make your kids/wife/dog sit on the floor. Yes, everyone here loves you, but you need to make room for them to enjoy your company.
During these times of extreme squishiness, remember to honor other people's privacy by not sticking your nose into their conversations. Even if you can hear their every word, your job as a good patron is to pretend you can't hear a word they're saying--even if it is super juicy gossip.
Valentino and I had a not-heated, but certainly lukewarm, discussion about this. He reminded me that the friendliness of the cigar lounge community means you can jump into other people's conversations. I say yes and no--and that depends on body language. If someone is chatting but making eye contact with the people around, then yes. But if you notice they're focused on each other, then maybe you shouldn't jump in. Think of it this way: Is the front door open, welcome to guests or is it shut for privacy? Same idea.
Anyway, remember to respect other patrons' eardrums by using your inside voice. People sitting tete-a-tete should not have to yell in order to hear each other.
In fact, pretend you're sitting in your own little world. Or cone of silence.
Unless you just happen to sit next to your best friend, in which case all bets are off and conversation becomes a free-for-all. Wheeee!
And when you want some space.
Similarly, if there's a vacant seat on either side of someone and you come in with your best girl, no harm asking folks to slide in one direction or the other so you can sit together.
Do not not not sit across the room and give the people sitting between the empty chairs the stink eye. It's not the bar fly's fault you're chicken. And even if you are afraid, quietly ask the bartender if she'll make the request. Remember, we're in the cigar lounge, where some of the nicest people converge.
No one is going to say, "No, I don't want to move. My assprint is fully engrained in this chair." They're going to say "Of course" and slide over.
Even though you're in a public place, there's an understanding that your cigar lounge space shan't be disturbed or infiltrated. Even if you leave your stuff and walk away from the bar or your chair, it will be exactly the same when you come back, nary an item moved, no one's ass in your seat.
Except sometimes, when no one is looking, someone new will borrow a lighter from an absent spacelord, or move the stuff aside and slip into the chair.
 |
| This has happened too. [source] |
Every once in a while, you'll see this: Someone pushes stuff aside and sits. When they're told, "Hey, so-and-so is sitting there," the response is "Fuck him." However, assume they are best friends and this is standard practice. Do not assume you can do this. You can't.
When space is at a premium
Oh, the busy days at the cigar lounge, when the only elbow room is the classic song in your head:
You need to remember the cigar lounge isn't your home, where you can sprawl out on the couch and make your kids/wife/dog sit on the floor. Yes, everyone here loves you, but you need to make room for them to enjoy your company.
 |
| Not you. [source] |
Valentino and I had a not-heated, but certainly lukewarm, discussion about this. He reminded me that the friendliness of the cigar lounge community means you can jump into other people's conversations. I say yes and no--and that depends on body language. If someone is chatting but making eye contact with the people around, then yes. But if you notice they're focused on each other, then maybe you shouldn't jump in. Think of it this way: Is the front door open, welcome to guests or is it shut for privacy? Same idea.
Anyway, remember to respect other patrons' eardrums by using your inside voice. People sitting tete-a-tete should not have to yell in order to hear each other.
In fact, pretend you're sitting in your own little world. Or cone of silence.
 |
| Would you believe... The Cone of Silence! [source] |
And when you want some space.
Similarly, if there's a vacant seat on either side of someone and you come in with your best girl, no harm asking folks to slide in one direction or the other so you can sit together.
Do not not not sit across the room and give the people sitting between the empty chairs the stink eye. It's not the bar fly's fault you're chicken. And even if you are afraid, quietly ask the bartender if she'll make the request. Remember, we're in the cigar lounge, where some of the nicest people converge.
No one is going to say, "No, I don't want to move. My assprint is fully engrained in this chair." They're going to say "Of course" and slide over.
Unless it's your best friend, in which case, expect a cold stare and a solid "No" before the smile and slide.
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| One of my favorite things ever. You're welcome. |
Monday, June 8, 2015
Saturday, June 6, 2015
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