It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World! or: Everyone gets a little Psyko or: I went crazy with the sparkles

I gave my Band of Merry Men (or the inmates in my personal asylum) a project and they did so well, they're going to get more. Hahaha! That's the price of doing a good job: More work.* Luckily for these guys, their chores don't constitute hard labor. Unless you consider smoking cigars and hanging out with me a chore--as if that were even possible! After all, it's not like I'm her:

Band of Merry Men charter member and all-around SuperFriend Karl (Hi Karl!) says that "cigars are a mini-vacation." Exactly. (Unless you're with me and I'm hyper-caffeinated, and then it's more of an adventure vacation--no relaxation for you! Or anyone for that matter! Maybe I do get a tad psycho.** But that's a story for another blog post.)

The day Valentino and I received a package from Ventura Cigars, he gave me the "What did you buy now?" look, which is more excited than angry--you know, because those boxes generally contain cigars or cigar swag.***

I shrugged. I didn't think I'd bought anything, but who can ever say for sure? Besides American Express, that is.

This time? Ventura's Psyko Seven Maduro! Wheeee!

What's in the box? What's in the fucking box?****
5.5 x 50 robustos. That's what's in the box!
(Also, the name of the movie fits this cigar perfectly.)

I don't even smoke the damn things and I got all giddy because...packaging! You can take the girl out of the marketing department but you can't take the marketing department out of the girl...

Founded in 2006, Ventura Cigar Co. showcases a large portfolio of cigars, including Hugo Cassar, Cuban Rejects, Cuban Rounds, Pura Sangre, Pura Sangre Edicion 2012, Plasencia Organica Reserva, Estilo Cubano, PsyKo SEVEN, PsyKo SEVEN maduro, and Project 805.

Two years ago, the company updated their look, with a "killer website, and a renewed vision for the future of the company. We know there is a growing contingent of smoker out there just waiting to be the first to try the next big thing, to tell their story, and to be part of a larger social experience," according to that very company website.

It's like they know us! After all, we live and breathe social experience--hence the cigar shenanigans. Also, we're a wee bit nutty.

Some deets, for those of you here for actual information, not just aforementioned shenanigans:*****

Wrapper: San Andreas

Binder: Mexican Sumatra

Filler: Multiple Country Blend

Country of Origin: Dominican Republic

We let them rest for a few days and headed to our research laboratory. Okay, Habanos Cigar Lounge, in Pawtucket, RI actually, but "research laboratory" sounds much more impressive--like we actually know what we're doing. Hahahaha. As if. There's no doubt we should be in white coats, though--just not lab coats. Perhaps something a little more form-fitting:

When we arrived, I plopped into a comfy chair, joined soon after by another charter member and SuperFriend, Jim. (Hi Jim!) And then Karl made an appearance; both settled within the enclave as Valentino strolled back over. You'd think I'd shone a signal beacon in the sky and these kind gentlemen answered the call. Or serendipity happened. Either works for the story.

"You have to smoke these now," I told them in my most bossy way while thrusting cigars into their faces.******

One of them said he wanted to finish his current smoke. I gave him the stare and he rested the lit cigar on the ashtray.

   <--Jim  Karl -->  

Most fun thing ever to do? Give three people the same cigar but have them begin smoking at different times. Over the course of each cutting, toasting, and lighting, they all agreed about an aromatic taste in the beginning, as if the cigar were on its best behavior. After that, came "I taste a lot of pepper" from the first man (first man of the group, not the first man ever) to move beyond the aromaticness (an awesome made-up word, a word made up by me, who is awesome).

The remaining Band members shook their collective heads, looking at him as if he were crazy. "I'm not getting that," said Karl. We chatted about upcoming outings (Perhaps commandeering a boat and going deep sea fishing?) and then Valentino, admitted to the ward last, said, "I'm getting a lot of pepper."



Perhaps a nice boat ride, gentlemen?

This happened time and again, as if Jim, the first smoker touching flame to stick, was both Lewis and Clark.******* Or perhaps Randle Patrick McMurphy, leading the charge at a certain Oregon mental institution.

"I tried to knock the ash off and it wouldn't go," Karl pointed out. "That's a well-made cigar." True story. When you remove the cigar's straight jacket, you get something near perfection:

The Band mumbled about cedar and leather and other delicious notes as they worked their way through. Best part, though? As the first starter finished up, he noted  "It's weirdly peppery again. But weird pepper." The others nodded, like he was a bit of a lunatic; how could something be weirdly peppery. It's either peppery or not.

But when Karl hit the same mark, he said, "Oh. Yes. Weirdly peppery." He achieved maximum pensiveness and literally held up a finger. "It's like a 9-volt battery on the tip of my tongue." Ah. Shock therapy.  A few minutes later, the third and final member of the Band said, "Oh yeah" and grabbed at his tongue.) "Huh. That is weird." (I assume that's what he said, as he held his tongue as he spoke.) And then, because our hero is our hero, he went in for more.

Jim looked at his cigar nubbin. "It kept changing with every draw." He stuck a finger in his mouth and said around the roadblock, "And it was a real finger-burner." Warning: Expect a digit-scorching while trying to suck the ever-lovin' last drop of life from the cigar, not unlike sucking the ever-loving life out of McMurphy. (Ooops. Spoiler alert. But really, you must have seen this movie or read the book, right? Right?)

Valentino nodded. "That's why they call is Psyko."

We all nodded and uttered a collective "Ahhhh...Juicy Fruit." <--Not really. They just said, "Ahhhh," but I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that.

For realz. This is one of the best scenes in the movie.

And now, the sparkles:

*When I was a kid and my dad asked me to sweep the floor, I did a crappy job. Then I didn't have to do it again. You can call me crazy, but I prefer clever.

**I'm going to look like a genius in a couple of paragraphs for this reference.

***You know the stereotype where the woman shops and hides purchases and the guy gets mad and can't buy cigars and stuff because aforementioned woman hates that smell? We're the opposite. Complete and total opposite.

****I say this way too much, but in my head, it's hilarious every time. Also, hilarious is one of my new favorite words, right up there with blunderbuss and onomatopoeia. <--Didn't even have to look up the spelling. I love it THAT much. BOOM! <--If you know the definition of onomatopoeia, That, too, is hilarious.

*****I currently fancy myself the shenanigator, my new superhero name.

******Men hate this, right? Hahahahaa.

*******That makes me Sacagawea, I guess. But that's a terrible superhero name. With all these personalities, I'm being to look very Three Faces of Eve, which juuuussssttt happens to fit with the whole post's theme. If you need me, I'll be over here feeling smug.

All Hail Caldwell Cigars! And the Caldwell Cigars Dude! Huzzah!!

There we were, finally, at Broadway Cigars, one of our favorite places to hang out. Unfortunately on that day, getting there was a chore because...life. First, I was exhausted because working is stupid. Then I was exhausted from going to the Apple Store. (Is anyone ever NOT exhausted after going to the Apple Store?) Then I watched Valentino play Tetris with his loot from the Mr. J's tent sale. It looked a little something like this:


[source]

How can a girl get through the day with all that on her plate?*  So I fell asleep on the couch, trying to literally push away the migraine from behind my eye.** (Sleeping with a finger in your eye isn't nearly as difficult as you'd think!)

"You can stay home," Valentino said kindly, when I awoke like the beautiful, delicate flower that I am. (Shush, you.)

I probably would have taken him up on that offer if I hadn't sent him out on his own the previous weekend. "You go," I'd said, meaning it--not like the romantic partners who say "You go," but mean, "If you step foot out of this house without me, you're going to regret it for the next month, so you damn well better sit back down."*** I meant, "I am going to sit on this couch and watch HGTV until my eyes start bleeding and be happy about it." Because sometimes you just have to.

But! Long live the king beautiful princess! For she had risen! <--Me, in this scenario. And by "risen," I mean off the couch.

Like the trouper my mom created in her own image, I put in my contacts--and even brushed my hair! Oh, the things I do for the people I adore!! Plus!  I was not going to miss the opportunity to meet up with Robert Caldwell, he of Caldwell Cigars!

Wheeeeee!

 I'm so glad I rallied! I've added him to my list of super cool dudes.****

Duuude...

He and Valentino chatted for a good long time about man-things I can't even begin to understand, while I cozied up on one of Broadway's super comfy chairs and wrote furiously but funnily (not an easy combination) while soaking in the delicious cigar scents wafting around me.

Valentino jumped into the fray with the Eastern Standard Cream Crush:

A Churchill, 7 x 48. What's that?
You want to know who the distinguished man on the band is?
Yeah, wouldn't we all...
(Let's call this photo: Tired of Researching because Someone Needs a Snack.)

Let's work our way into that beauty: The wrapper is Connecticut Hybrid from Ecuador, grown in 2006. Below that, the binder is Dominican Habano (2005). Both are holding together the lovely and delicious combination of aged tobacco from the Nicaragua and Dominican Republic--Dominican Criollo '98 Viso (2008), Dominican Corojo Ligero (2006) and Nicaraguan Habano Seco (2007).

According to Robert, “The Dominican Republic is one of those treasures that hides in plain sight. There is so much fantastic tobacco, so unique and with such distinct flavors. Unfortunately, many don’t make it to market. It is impossible. Big brands are limited to the variety of tobaccos they can use due to the quantity of cigars that they have to make. A few bales of tobacco to the big boys is nothing. The purpose of Caldwell Cigars is to go wherever we must to find the most exotic flavors we can." These premium rare tobaccos definitely distinguish the Caldwell Cigars from its peers.

What does this all mean for the smoker--both first- and second-hand? Pure pleasure!

You know this is Crush from Finding Nemo, right?
Please say you knew that and got the reference immediately. [source]

I demanded***** Valentino approach the Throne of Creativity after he toasted and lit this lovely. It definitely lived up to its moniker, exuding creaminess that made me swoon, with undertones of spiciness and tobacco. A hint of cedar loitered just below that level of flavor but was incredibly subtle and satisfying--unlike another cigar I whiffed recently****** that screamed "Hamster cage!"

This is definitely a cigar I'd enjoy second-hand smoking any time of any day--definitely a keeper. As a matter of fact, recently we were in another shop and someone we didn't know was looking for something light and friendly.<--(My interpretation of what he said.) As he was standing right smack dab in front of the Caldwell selection, we recommended the Eastern Standard. He bought it! (You're welcome, Robert!)

In addition to the Cream Crush, the Eastern Standard line also includes the Dark Connecticuts Euro Express (5.5 x 44) and Corretto (5 x 50). Under the Caldwell name also comes the "Long Live the King" and "The King is Dead" lines. Additionally, Caldwell also shops his Seleccion Junior Varsity collection. Naturally, Valentino partook in a nice sampling of both lines, because 1. He likes supporting new and old cigar friends and 2. He likes cigars.

Duuuuuude...



 You have to know by now that I love good friends and kind people and building strong relationships between friends and demanding good customer service, and respecting companies with the same values.  Before we even got to meet the man behind the Caldwell Cigars, I checked out the company website (::cough:: internet stalker ::cough::) and was greeted with this:

"Caldwell Cigars is a company built by friends for friends. We have labored to bring you the finest quality product with great attention paid to every detail. We are setting out to deliver to our customers special cigars using only the finest, most exotic All-Grade-A tobaccos we can find. We are in this for our love of the leaf******* and our drive to share with you the fruits of our labor."

 

As if that weren't enough, the website also proclaims, "Our business model is simple: Good Cigars, Great Friends and A Strong Conscious."

 

You know, that's not too far from my own motto: "Good cigars, great friends, and staying conscious."

The Other Duuuuude. [source]

*Shut up. I'm looking for sympathy. Indulge me?

**You want to party with me. Oh yes you do!

***Apparently this is actually a thing that people do. It makes me have the sad. 

****Yes, this is an actual thing. If you'd like to know if you're on the list, please send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to...

*****Actual conversation-- Me: T?  Him: Yes?  Me: Can I have some of your wafting flavors? Him: Of course!

******No, I will never tell you what that was because 1. We're a kind and friendly sort here and 2. I don't remember what it was.

*******

Hey! He said the name of the blog IN the blog! [source]

Poor Valentino! Or: "This doesn't suck." Or: All hail Padron!

Valentino puts up with so much. Recently, I underwent five days of IV steroids for my MS, while upping the dose of other meds and trying to not go crazy thanks to another drug and then trying to punch migraines in the face with yet one more. I am setting the scene! I am not looking for sympathy! I'm generally fine and never even think about it--unless I don't want to do something, in which case...well...you know...

But as of this writing I am simultaneously foggy-headed, hyper, and zoned out. Then that changes and hungry takes over. Everything is nutty in Penny World. (And now! With nougat!*). 

So in an effort to distract him with his version of something shiny, I purchased this while at Habanos, hoping it might take his mind off the next wave of chemical crazy:

We've discovered over years of intensive research (hahahahaha) that Valentino is partial to Nicaraguan blends over all others. Not to say he doesn't love a variety of international smokes, because he will give anything a try and once he lights up, he's committed to finishing, regardless of his love level.** Although there was one cigar that he smoked about half an inch and that was that. Done. Fin. Kaput.  It was a generic cigar from a charity event. (Thanks, Brian! He should have let you throw it away!!)

Anyway, the Padron 85 Years, part of the Family Reserve line, is named in honor of Jose O. Padron's 85th birthday in 2011 and is available in natural and maduro 5 1/4 x 50 box-press robusto.

 

 

 Cigar Coop describes the smoke this way: "The start to the Padron Family Reserve 85th Natural was very similar to the pre-light draw with wood and pepper notes.  By about the five percent mark, some natural tobacco sweetness surfaced.  In the first half of the smoke of the Padron Family Reserve 85th, I categorized the pepper as a primary note, the natural tobacco sweetness secondary, and the wood notes tertiary.

 

"In the second half, the natural tobacco sweetness picked up quite a bit and came on par with the pepper.  I also detected some nut notes on the after-draw.  The nut notes slowly increased and eventually would push out the natural tobacco sweetness.   The last 25 percent of the cigar had a nutty and peppery profile."

Because my senses were all out of whack, I, unfortunately, didn't get to enjoy this beauty.*** Obviously I didn't think this purchase through before I handed it to him. But Valentino could taste and love it, giving it his highest praise, "This doesn't suck."

 

All the tobacco used in the Family Reserve series is aged ten years before becoming a premium cigar. 

Crank the Good Girlfriend Points up to 11!

Traveling Stogie stated in their review, "There was a bit of cocoa but and wood but the pepper really dominated the flavors.  The pepper settled down as I entered the first third and I immediately notice a cherry note with dark chocolate flavors.  The pepper is still there but the cherry is so distinct, I can’t help but focus on that.  The dark chocolate notes definitely help to balance out the flavor profile."

Reviewers at halfwheel.com noted, "It started out full and ended as a solid medium."  They also said, when giving the cigar a 90 rating, "Whenever we review one of the Family Reserves, I feel like we are in the middle of Groundhog day, as we always seem to say the same things. In my opinion, Padróns have never been the most complex of cigars flavor-wise and the 85th is no different. However, the flavors it does have are dark, intensely rich and distinct. When you add in the amazing construction, draw and burn, and it is easily a very good cigar."

During the onset of our courtship, Valentino said, as I flipped through one of the multitudes of cigar catalogues that glut the mailbox, "If you ever want to buy me something, my favorite is the 64 Padron."



Ahhhhhhh...

 

I nodded enthusiastically, tallying up all the Good Girlfriend Points that  purchase would get me.  I filed it away, promising myself I would figure out what 64 Padron actually meant. Because...what?

I still haven't earned those points, by the way.  I've purchased the random 64 here and there, a few 26es, but this Family Reserve 85 is above and beyond awesome. His face lit with joy, peace, and satisfaction with the first draw, increasing in intensity as the cigar burned.  

If this one cigar brought him happiness after a couple of days of crazy, I'm thinking a box of ten might get us through this round of treatment. Shhh. Don't tell him!

Of course if I were a REALLY good girlfriend, I'd pony up a box of the new 50th Anniversary. But not just any box. This one:

I suspect when he's making happy noises as he sleeps,
he's dreaming about owning this.
[source]

 

 

*Does anyone actually know what nougat is?****   

**I think I just made up a new ranking system! It should probably be capitalized: Love Level. 

 

***Which means we're going to need a re-do, of course.

 

****I would still eat it.  I'm that hungry.