Cigar(s) of the Month(s): A Rocky Patel Bonanza! (Also, Bite me, FDA) (Also, join the CRA!)

I'm hoping this giveaway takes up some of the slack of going AWOL. Speaking of slack, I've mastered the slacker lifestyle when it comes to the blog. But I'm trying to be better! And I know you'll forgive me because I'm giving shit away, and you can be easily bribed. (No judgments. So can I.)

So without further ado,* I give you this:  (Wait. I'm not giving it to you yet. One of you can win it. Go to the bottom of the post for the actual Rafflecopter giveawayness.)



At least all this can be yours. Who knows what else we'll throw in!

We're at the point now that we could really use another 2,000-count humidor to go with these:



And this:

Actually overfull now... :(
And the shelves were bowed when we got it.
 

They're all super-full now! Like, "air-flow isn't flowing optimally because there's literally no room to breathe" full. 

When Valentino wasn't looking (or so I thought), I pulled these Rocky Patels from the masses to give to one of you. He caught me. But since I had already made the promise, at least in my head, he didn't chop off one of my hands.**

This arm-waving did happen, though:

So back in the old-timey days (pre-August 8, 2016), many cigar companies were kind enough to give me cigars to give you.

Then August 8 happened, courtesy of the FDA, and now, among other iron-fist rulings, cigar companies are no longer allowed to give away cigars for any reason, unless a cigar shop does not yet carry that blend. Then they get one to try.  This also means no charity donations, including to overseas troops. And no free cigars for you unless they come from our personal humidors.

Rocky and Valentino

In honor of Rocky Patel's visit to Rhode Island last year right about this time, we thought the selection apropos--even if it also means I have to go back to school shortly. ::weeps openly::

Rocky Patel (the man) is also an amazing supporter of Cigar Rights of America,*** so really, full-tilt serendipity brought this post together.  (If you aren't a member of CRA, do it now. Tell them I sent you! And pay attention to all the options on the Rafflecopter giveaway--there are bonus entries if you're a member or become one!)

In the meantime, enter, share, win. Maybe we'll even have more than one winner! (Don't tell Valentino!)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Much Ado about Nothing is one of my favorite plays!

**Theres a place for a really dirty joke here, but I'll let you make it on your own; that way you can feel really clever at my expense. You're welcome.

***Full disclosure: I am a CRA Ambassador, so this is an official shake-down.****

****Kidding! I'm kidding! It's an UN-official shakedown!

Cigar of the Month Giveaway or: Mutiny and the Bounty

Annnnd, we're back--from CigarFest, that is.

6:00 a.m. Doors open at 10:00 a.m.

We have lots to tell you, and many, many pictures to show you (although if you follow us on Instagram*, you can see all the pics as they pop)!

The waiting really is the hardest part.

Although with this set-up, not as difficult as you'd think.

Housemates

The whole motley crew (not the band)

The crew on the verge of entering. We were so close...
and yet so far (from all the awesome)

Inside CigarFest from the Drew Estate section

 

Part of the first day's cigar collection

After the first day, I started to worry about where we were going to put everything (above) upon our return home.

Naturally, I'm going to give a minute portion away as thanks for reading our blog, for putting up with our shenanigans, and because where the F am I going to put all this!?!?

Here's the bounty!

As Valentino reads this, he's right now in the throes of heart palpitations. He hates giving his stuff away. I love giving his stuff away.** He may be captain of this ship, but as first mate, I call for a (temporary) mutiny! So...several winners--an no, you don't get to pick what you want. And NO, you aren't getting the Feral Flying Pigs or the Angels Shares lurking in the background there. (After all, I don't want to give the poor guy an ACTUAL heart attack!)

How can you enter? Check out the Rafflecopter below! Jump through the hoops and you could be a winner!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Follow us at @thecigargal on Instagram and @cigargal on Twitter.

**Technically, it's OUR stuff.

Rocky Patel joins the Band of Merry Men--and everyone is happy! Now! Includes Men in Tights!

I'm all about gathering my Band of Merry Men about me. In fact, I prefer my world that way--surrounded by awesome fellas who think I'm lovely and charming and hilarious.*

Not exactly them, but you get the gist.
(I wish I could get them in these outfits. Even for a day...hahaha)
Also, Men in Tights in a hoot of a movie!

Valentino, of course, is the Robin Hood in this scenario and I'm Maid Marian, for I am a delicate Renaissance flower.** Caballero #2 is Little John, without the monk's robe. But Little John wasn't around for this adventure, sadly.

Generally we wind up in our secret lair (Habanos in Pawtucket, RI) purely by accident--if you call attendance patterns accidents. Whatevs.



I WISH I could get them to chorus line.
I wonder what it would cost me... because I'd pay cash money.

Something else you need to know about the Band of Merry Men: Their numbers fluctuate and the members vary, depending on work and hangover schedules. You may remember the last official unofficial gathering.

But the other day, many core group members found themselves in the tavern, well-primed (by the mead) for shenanigans and cigars. I thrust--yes, actually thrust--these most awesome-looking Rocky Patel American Market Selection robustos (5 1/2 x 50) (below) at four of them, all with varied cigar-smoking regularity and experience. (I had five, but had to save one for Valentino [obvs], who went missing in Sherwood Forest. Or the walk-in humidor.***) 

The lovely folks at Famous Smoke Shop
sent them to us and said, "Smoke these please."
We're very good at following directions.
[source]

I guess I could have given the Band of Merry Men some kind of instruction or told them about the cigar, but...nah. I just demanded, "Smoke this."****

First up, my brother Chris. This was literally his fourth premium cigar ever.*****

New cigar smoker and yet already
mastered one of the key cigar poses.

You know we wouldn't lead him astray (much); his previous three were well-chosen, but this one he declared the best yet. Keep in mind: he doesn't know the cigar lingo or the ever-repeated descriptors, yet he said it surprisingly tasted creamy "and with some nuts or something." Huh.

 

Our pal Jim's a "few cigars a week" smoker and agreed with this Rocky Patel robusto's creaminess.

Note to self: Monitor photographs
rather than tossing the phone to the next victim.
Take my word for it: this is Jim's hand and cigar.
BTW, nice ash, Jim.
Or maybe we should say, "Nice ash, Rocky Patel."

"This is a good mildish smoke," Jim said, using an overly-technical term. His lovely wife rolled her eyes, because that's what long-time lovely wives do.

Poor Deb. She'd come by to take her husband for ice cream.

Jim, however, had yet to touch flame to cigar.

I threatened Merry Men moniker revocation--plus I'd take the cigar back.  When his eyes pleaded "But my wife..." I took control. We stormed her vehicle, insisting she succumb to our demands. And by this, I mean we begged for Jim to please stay and play with us. I also bribed her with promises of adult beverages. She acquiesced. (Yay!)

"And there's a lot of flavor," he continued. "This Rocky Patel is damn good." Thanks for taking one for the Band, Jim! And sorry about the ice cream, Deb!

Another Band leader, Brian, smokes a bit more than Jim, including stogies on the golf course.

Are my photography skills getting better
or his he incredibly photogenic?
I'd bet on the latter.

"This would be a great smoke for the course," Brian said. "It's mild. I prefer that when I'm playing golf. And this," he pointed to burning cigar, "this is the best part so far. It gets better the more I smoke it." He demonstrated with a deep draw. "Where can I get these?"

 

I acted as a fair maiden should, instead of cranking the snark and said, "They're exclusive to Famous Smoke. So if you want them, you either drive there or ask the mighty, mighty internets for assistance." He nodded and yanked out his phone.  "What's it called again?"

 

The most excellent Rocky Patel American Market Selection robusto.

 

And then, our hero, the cigar savant. 

I'd probably get better pictures if I, oh, I don't know--
got up from the couch and perhaps even tried to focus.******

"I like this a lot," Valentino said, and then in a stage-whisper asked how many were left.

I shook my head.

"What does that mean?"

"None," I admitted, trying to look demure while holding a bag of Cheez-Its.

Pretty darned close to his reaction.

Sometimes my generosity in the pursuit of a good (or goodish) story causes strife.  Poor Valentino. He was strifed.

Oh my sweet reader, you just went back up to count, because you thought That was only four Merry Men but...Famous Smoke Shop sent five cigars.

And yet I did lose--one cigar.

Yeah. Lost. Merry Man Eric took his and exited, stage left. I may have to vote him out of the group. Or be more clear in my instructions. Or give instructions. Actually, this is probably on me.

Oh! And some things you want/need to know about the Rocky Patel American Market Selection robustos:

Wrapper: Ecuadorian Connecticut (Rumor has it, this wrapper was all the rage back in the day--not Robin Hood days, but the early 20th century.)

Filler: Honduran and Nicaraguan

Available sizes:

• Churchill (7×49)
• Double Corona (7.5×52)
• Robusto, obviously (5 1/2 x 50)
• Sixty (6×60)
• Toro (6×52)
• Torpedo (6×52)

And in case you slept through that part, you can only get these at Famous Smoke Shop!

All right. I've got to round up the Band of Merry Men. I'm dying for attention. And a meal I don't have to pay for.




*If you know what's good for you, you will NOT debunk this theory.

**Shush, you.

***Or wherever it is he wanders off to as I hide behind the laptop.

****In a lady-like way, of course.

*****Sorry, Mum!

******Story of my life, this inability to focus.



Lord of the Rings, Part the third: You can be jealous now.

n.b.: This post has no sparkles, for the subject itself is very sparkly.

 

Remember in October when this happened? This lovely necklace made of Argentinian silver, gold, and rubies? This gorgeous piece of work designed and created by our friend Hamo, he of Design by Hamo? And just for me? Remember all that?

This is so gorgeous, both here and in person!

Well, for my surprise birthday party--that I had no idea was in the works because Valentino is one sneaky bugger--he (Valentino) asked Hamo to design a matching pair of earrings: 



Be jealous. Be very jealous.
But not for long because you can get your very own--
and with your choice of metals and gems!!

I feel so so SO honored that these are the first of their kind. He invented them just for me!!

They certainly won't be the last of their kind! I am encouraging you to buy some for yourself or your favorite lady because as pretty as they are here? They are one zillion percent better in person. Maybe even a kabillion percent--if kabillion is more than zillion; math is hard. 

OOOOh. Purty...

While you're at work right now, sliding through the Internet because...Tuesday is Monday redux...check out his website. Be warned: You're going to want tons of things, so make sure you don't get fired for Internet surfing. You're going to need your salary so Hamo can create many shiny things for you and your friends. 

 

As an aside, Valentine's (I almost wrote Valentino's) Day is right around the corner! Start shopping now! And start right here!

And don't go thinking, I'm a manly dude.  I don't need any earrings or necklace--at least not currently. Or you're thinking, I want to purchase something for my best guy. That's okay! Hamo can help!  He has amazing stuff for the gentlemen as well. Remember Valentino's ring?

The ring that started it all for us.

Yep.  that's by Hamo. 

He also has cigar bands. And money clips. And cuff links. And bracelets. Manly bracelets. And even some cool stuff with skulls smoking cigars so good they're a little bit scary--but probably not for you because you are so very, very strong and unscared of everything, like Valentino. 

 

Scary!!! (But not to you!)

 

Of course, Hamo's website conveys this information way better than I can. "Today, Design By Hamo has blossomed into a full line of men's and women's cigar-themed rings, cuff links, pendants and accessories with many various stone and metals including ruby, emerald, gold, silver and more."

 

"Jewelry is my love. Cigars are my passion," he said. And this shows in the high quality of his work. How high quality? Valentino wears the ring on the same hand as his Rolex. They look like high-quality kissing cousins. Yep. That good.

What's that? You like those earrings but wish they had emeralds instead of rubies? He will make them for you! Love the ring but would want it with rubies and no gold? He can make it for you! If you meet with him for a consultation, together you can create the jewelry pieces that are perfect for you (or your super-lucky friend).

And guess what!!!  The shopping perfect storm is about to happen, starting in 3...2...NOW!

 

1. Because you are all my BFFs,

 

and 

 

2. Because Hamo is so nice,

 

and 

 

3. Because if you're a BFF of ours

(Valentino and me and the blog, which is a thing in and of itself),

you're a BFF of Hamo's

Hamo will give you a10% discount on your purchases! All you have to do is say you heard about his awesomeness through our super delicious blog. (You don't have to say it that way; just convey the message in a way you're comfortable.) But definitely mention us!

 

Don't tell Valentino, but maybe I have a little secret purchase I'll probably make in the near future--for him, of course!

 

In the meantime, I'm going to go put these earrings back on and gaze lovingly at them. In fact, I'm surprised I've gotten through the whole blog post without going upstairs to check on them!

 

Although I did look at this picture about a hundred times!

So thank you, Hamo, for creating these works of art for me, and thank you, Valentino, for making this the best birthday ever!

They imported my son from West Virginia! Most awesome thing ever!

Awesomesauce.

Once more--just because!
 



 

 

November Cigar of the Month: Thank you!!! And we have a winner (or two)! (But you're going to have to work for it.)

And the winner of the Norteno cigars is...

First let me say, I was thinking the other, um, minute? That maybe I should shut the eff up because I was bitching in the last post about not being able to attend a few cigar events because I had to work. In honor of the season, I fully acknowledge that of course I am thankful I have an awesomely cool job and my students, for the most part, are fantasticly, or at least fantasticishly, awesomesauce.

Get it? Oh, I am dying of laughter! [source]

And then I decided I should not listen to myself complaining about bitching because:

1. I like the sound of my own voice (even the ones in my head)
2. Any sane person is going to have the sad if their partner-in-crime, er, cigars gets to cigar without their partner.*

The position has been filled!
Thanks, Valentino! Best. Partner. Ever. (Too mushy for the blog?)

I know you slogged through all that in order to get what you came for:**

The winner of the Nortenos is...

By the way, sorry I made you wait a few extra days. Since I missed five days of school recently because of the saddest of sadnesses, I've been trying the play catch-up and failing miserably. And then there was some badass food to be eaten. And then there's this deadline to revise a manuscript to perfection*** before sending it out, time crunched because of that lost week. And then the Christmas shopping that must be done and wrapped two weeks before Christmas... Zoiks.

So I'm a few days late. Since it's my thing and this is my blog, I can't even get in trouble.****

Evil laugh, of course! [source]

Also, by the way, thank you all so much for participating in the giveaway.  This was our most successful to date by a kazillion percent, so we are very very grateful that you shared your awesomeness with us.

Thanks for reading our blog! It really is a labor of love.*****

So without further...

Oh. Hold on. While we're talking about random things, I have to beg you to follow our friend Will the Travelling Owl on Facebook.****** If you like what we're giving away here, you'll totally dig what we have coming up at the beginning of the year over there!! Plus, he's pretty fun and has a ton of adventures, some of which we talked about here!

Okay, for realz this time. Except I'm stalling. I want to send you all something, but I suspect Valentino will be super pissed if he comes home to find the cupboard (humidor) bare.

So I'm choosing two of you. And he can't stop me because he isn't here. Insert that evil laugh here, too.

The winners are:

Denee Salazar and  JCarrier02 <<~~I'm assuming that's not his/her real name!!

Hahahaah. [source]

What's the December Cigar of the Month?

We're glad you asked!! A collection of cigars plus some swag from the amazing folks at Alec Bradley. Go here for contest details!!

Upon his return, Valentino will take a much better photo.
But yeah, you get this!!

*For heaven's sake, like I tell my students, although they don't believe me, I'm not a monster!!

**I was going to make a funny--very funny (in my head)--joke about it being similar to suffering through a fabulous dinner while on a date in order to have delicious sex with that devastatingly attractive and funny companion. But I didn't want to offend anyone. So there you go!

***Some might call this writing, but I call it revising with style.

****Because Valentino is away and doesn't know I haven't done it yet.  What? Oh.

*****Why am I so sappy today? Grrr. Buck up, soldier!

******No, it is not weird that we just called a stuffed owl our friend.  Check out the Facebook page and you'll see why it's not crazy at all!!

"But whenever Monday comes, you can find me crying all of the time" (until the semester is over, and then...wheeee!)

It's a darned good thing I like the Monday night class I teach (Hi all of you!), and the students keep me entertained and happy.* And sometimes bring me Diet Coke.**

I know you're going to email me and say I shouldn't drink this
because I'll grow another head on my shoulders or whatever,
but without the sweet brown poison,
I'd totally fall asleep in front of the class. In front of every class.
No one wants that.

If I didn't like them so much, I'd be all BOO! and DAMMIT! and CRAP! because most of the fun cigar things seem to be happening on Mondays this semester. So Valentino goes to the fun things and sends me texts and pictures, and generally recounts that fantastic fun-ness he's having.

I try to share the fun I'm having too. For realz. He's not, however, buying that my two-and-a-half hours talking about writing and reading is more fun than hanging out with cool cigar folks, eating and drinking, and smoking.  In my defense, and to keep the playing field level, I had malted milk balls with the Diet Coke.

Oh, malted milk balls, why must you be so delicious?
And so small? And come in packages of five?
Do you have any idea how many little packages must be opened
and consumed in order to remain happy during the whole class?***

So during my repetitive sojourns**** over the course of the semester, he's had these adventures, of which I am mucho jealous. In no particular order, other than this is how they popped into my head:*****

Hanging with Island Jim, he of Leaf by Oscar, at Churchill's (Hi Bryan--even though I've technically never met you in person. And do you know why? Yep. Work. Boo. Soon we'll remedy that. I hear you have MBombays? We have been dying to get our hands--and taste buds--on those!)

Honestly, how can you not want to own some of these darlings?
As soon as the man returns from Man Camp, we are so there!

An Eiroa/CLE dinner with the Mr. J's Havana gang (at that seekrit location). Hi Paul! Hi Tom! Hi Mark! Hi Lauren! Hi people who were there and who I should give a shout out to, but since I wasn't there, I don't know who that might be!)

"Are you ready for some football?"
Definitely. Especially if there's delicious food!

Some fun nights at Broadway Cigar for Monday Night Football. (Although he does get credit for bringing me dinner home from those festivities! Thank you!) Each week, the awesomely cool Bobby and the gang (which would actually make them Cool and the Gang) feature a different cigar to accompany that night's noshing.  So it's win-win. I just wish I could have also been a winner. I have to go sulk now.

This is representative of Man Camp.
By the way, have you liked Will the Travelling Owl yet?
You totally should. And you'll be glad you did.

There's another dinner from the fabulous folks at Mr. J's this coming Monday, which, in Valentino's defense, he will also miss because he'll be at Man Camp. (Hi Jerry! Hi Will! Hi Marlin! Hi Billy! Hi Jerry! Hi Tom! Hi Billy! Missing you, Valentino the Elder!) I can't decide whether to be happy (Man Camp!) or sad (not Penny Camp!) at this time of year. Missing festivities doesn't help. I can't even live vicariously. Unlessssss... Unless you go and tell me all about it.  Take pictures! Send me random texts throughout the course of the night! Just call Mr. J's to chat with him about tickets!!

You should get yourself some of this! And you can--and much more! at the Roma dinner!
Call Broadway Cigars for more info!

The following week, on Monday the 8th, a big shindig is happening at Roma on Federal Hill in Providence. The dinner will feature the cigars of J Grotto, good old Mr. J, Paul Joyal, himself! So two of our favorite people are getting together and having a party. Again, you should go; I'm going to need to get to the store before then so I can drown my sorrows in whatever malted milk is.

Then, we found out that on Monday, December 15, Jim Robinson is going to be in town again. Let me stress the Monday in the previous sentence.

Why does everything have to happen on a Monday? And then I remembered...

This is the point in the story where the angels sing with joy.

 ...I remembered school will be over by then! I can join the festivities!! So come to Broadway Cigars in Providence, RI and we can party like rock stars!******

Lots more things are on our calendar for December. Stay tuned for updates!!



*What? that's not supposed to be what's happening?

**It's not really a bribe; more a way to keep me awake and off-kilter.

***In case you were wondering, it takes seventy umpity thousand tiny packages of malted milk balls for one long class.

****And I say this ironically

*****The ideas don't just pop into my head. In fact, it's more like this:

Very painful indeed!

******Aging, tired, end-of-the-semester melt-down rock stars. But rock stars nonetheless.