Tatuaje is a super-fun word to say. Or: Is it hot in here or humid or...?

Once upon a time, Valentino and I had a few small humidors spattered around the house, holding a respectable amount of cigars. Somehow, we worked our way up to seven stuffed desktop humidors. At that point, we had two choices:

1. Stop buying cigars (hahahaha. As if.)
2. Get ourselves a stand-up humidor

We obviously chose door #2.

 

That 2,000-count humidor filled itself up quite nicely and right quick.  We needed another.

 

We ordered another. It arrived and...

 

 

 

 ...we nestled it into Casa Awesome. Then, we went outside and when we returned to joyous central air, we found that second 2,000-count humidor full.* Sigh.

 

Recently, SuperFriend Kurt Kendall, created the most gorgeous shop, humidor, and lounge when he (literally) moved Twins Smoke Shop to new digs. As a result of that relocation, a few display humidors were stranded at the old place. Because we are generous souls, we and Caballero #2 offered to adopt them. Commence negotiations, mayhem, and shenanigans, because that's how we roll.
 

Bonus points to me for this killer segue: The three caballeros and I hopped** into the HerfMobile and rolled our way to aforementioned humidors.***

Many of you have seen this truck
at various (understatement) cigar events.

After a quick trip to Dunkin Donuts for people-fuel, I said, "You're probably wondering why I brought you all here," while stuffing a jelly munchkin into my mouth, so it sounded like "Gru prablay worworworing un brut un uh he." I wiped the powdered sugar from my fingers right onto my jeans**** and handed each of boys one of these:

The ones I gave them were unlit, of course.

 

You say, "Hey, is that the most awesome Tatuaje Havana VI Artistas?"

 

I say hold your horses; I'm getting to that.

As I bossily thrust the medium red-banded torpedos into their faces, Caballero #2 said, "Hey, this is a Tatuaje. Yum. Which one is it?" (Usually he can identify a cigar at a zillion paces, but in his defense, he was charged with navigating through outer-Boston traffic.)

Always afraid of upsetting my epic-level nerdiness and conveying incorrect information, I consulted the mighty internets for cigar details. (Hahahaha. I could barely write that without laughing so hard Diet Coke came out of my nose!) Anyway, thanks to the folks at Cigar Coop for the info (unless otherwise noted), here's the dealio on why the fab Tatuaje Havana VI Artistas is so named:

1. The cigar is made in traditional Cuban “Havana” style, complete with a "beautiful Cuban triple cap," according to the Tatuaje website. 
2. "As for the 'VI', this goes back to the fact that originally there were six vitolas made available (since then there have been more)." 
3. And pay attention to the first letters of these original core line vitolas--

• Hermosos – Corona Gorda: 5 5/8 x 46
• Angeles -Petite Corona: 4 5/8 x 42
• Victorias – Corona Especial: 6 x 38
• Artistas – Torpedo: 6 1/8 x 52
• Nobles – Robusto: 5 x 50
• Almirantes – Churchill: 7 x 47

The Havana line-up. <--See what I did there?
::pats self on back for unplanned cleverness::
[source]

 

So the answer to "Is that the Tatuaje Havana VI Artistas?" is Yes. Yes it is, courtesy of our BFFs at Famous Smoke, who sent them to me and said, "Howzabout you get your Band of Merry Men to smoke these mofos?" <--All my words, their idea.

Speaking of words, humidor retrieval day also included a continuous stream of verbal volleyball because these boys play rough with the cleverness and words--except when they're talking about this Nicaraguan-born Tatuaje, included in Cigar Aficionado's 2014 Top 25. Then they're all hearts and rainbows and sparkles and unicorns. Manly unicorns, of course, but still unicorns.

 

By the way, the wrapper is Ecuadorian Habano, binder and filler Nicaraguan. The Garcia family, yes, they of My Father Cigars, creates these 6.12 x 52 "Tatuaje Red Label," which Cigar Aficionado describes as "rich, toasty and earthy quality and that leather note found in many Tatuajes."

In an interview with CA, Pete Johnson said about the Garcias, "They’re like family. We kind of grew up with each other. We really made a life for ourselves by doing something together. They give me credit all the time and it’s a two-way street. I praise what they do. I think they’re phenomenal cigarmakers, and they take the time to teach me. They took the time to actually explain the history of what they did, and why they roll the way they roll. That’s why I made a commitment to work with them only."  We recommend you follow the link to check out the whole interview.

Anyway, Valentino proclaimed this Tatuaje Havana a fab morning smoke, which thankfully worked just fine, as I demanded cigar ignition soon after truck ignition, so about 9:30 in the morning.

Valentino looks like he's plotting world domination.
Or falling asleep. Why so early, mornings?

 

As all three caballeros oohed and ahhed over their cigars, I knew Valentino seethed inside.  Even though these guys are besties, he hated I gave away "his" most delicious cigars (a frequent occurrence). You'd think them the world's last few Tatuaje Havana VI Artistas ever ever ever. I promised him an internet visit to Famous for more! Wheeee! Tragedy averted! Internal conflict resolved!

Caballero #2, HerfMobile owner,***** driving.
Pinky swear his eyes were open during most of the drive.

 

Caballero #3. This was his second partaking.
I demanded he smoke one the previous week at Habanos:

We were listening to my brother's band, Shuttlecock,
which plays at Habanos every Wednesday.

Insert here a series of wonky images as the three gentlemen lifted and organized and planned and coaxed the humidors into the U-Haul. Picture me off to the side, sitting on the empty shop's front stoop, watching, for I am a delicate flower.

Now add more fun through a time-lapse activity montage and the new-to-us humidor is in place, cleaned up, and I, as house humidor manager, happily fill and organize this:

Soooo purty...and organized!

You can't see it in the picture--because it hadn't yet arrived upon the quick snapshot,****** but this is making its way to Casa Awesome:

 

By the way,  Tatuaje, Spanish for "tattoo" and created by Pete Johnson in 2003, is super fun to say. Repeat after me: "tat-oo-ah-hey." 

What's that? You want to know why tatuaje? Pete explains during that Q&A with Cigar Aficionado, "The name came about because Robby Levin, Carlos Fuente, Wayne Suarez, they all gave me the name 'Tattoo Pete.' I had tattoos, but my OpusX tattoo really stood out. I kept on looking at different brand names, then I thought 'let’s try Tatuaje.' People said you can’t pronounce the word, but I think it worked to my advantage. People would say, 'do you have those Tats? Do you have those tattoo cigars?'"

Soon enough, all three caballeros and I will have those tattoo cigars; I think they'll fit into that new humidor quite nicely, don't you?
 

 

*Really, not that much of an exaggeration.

**Me? Hoisted, actually, as the HerfMobile stands no less than one thousand feet high. A winch was required for loading and a slide for unloading.

***Kurt knew we were coming, obvs. We didn't organize a caper or heist, although it would have been hilarious had we done that, starting with me telling them to go in the wrong direction. Hilarious, I tell you.

****And Valentino's head exploded.

*****Although can someone really ever own the HerfMobile? More like the HerfMobile owns you.

******Obvs, I took the pic. Had Valentino used his mad photography skills, you'd still be gazing at the humidor's beauty and not reading this.

T minus 6 days until my next iROBUSTO column or: Caution--many newly-created words ahead!

The first part of that title is me looking at my day-late show-offiness optimistically.

Remember how I highlighted Cigarnival cool activities?* That got me thinking about giant herfs** and the benefits of attending one (or more).

With every Facebook post proclaiming "Everything is Awesome,"*** I had more of the sad for missing this year's Cigarnival.

The other day, we took Caballero #2's HerfMobile to New Hampshire (from Massachusetts, so an hour and a half or so jaunt) and as he drove, smoking some of the event's loot, I wondered what I actually missed, so I started making a list in my head. (I like to make lists a lot. Sometimes I even look at them again.) Also in attendance for the ride: Our pal Mike, who heretofore shall be known as Caballero #3. When we see him this weekend, he shall be properly ordained, so let's keep it between us until after the 4th, okay?

L to R: Newly-anointed Caballero #3,
Carlito Fuente, and Caballero #2

And because fair is fair, here's one of
our hero with Carlito

Full disclosure: I didn't attend the Famous Smoke megaherf because Valentino played in a golf tournament that weekend. I knew I'd never keep up with Caballero #2; he is a world-class socializer and master cigar passer-outterer and CRA**** signer-upperer, so he'd be busy doing those things. I require a more, um, hands-on handler, because given the choice between sitting in a corner reading and gladhanding...well, let's just say I always have a book with me. No need to tell me; I already know: I am a world-class nerd.

So this week's column for iROBUSTO is 5 Things about why you should attend a big-ass herf. (Or something along that line.) You should check it out! In the meantime, I have to go think of something incredibly clever for next week... Damn, the Thursdays come around quickly, don't they? Until then, I leave you with this:

*One of my favorite words, thanks mostly to this:

[source]

**Not the ones that roam the land, seeking the souls of people who say they're allergic to foods but aren't, just to hop on the bandwagon. What? That's not an alternate definition of herf?? I could have sworn that was a thing. Can we make it one? Even if it's as elusive as a unicorn, just knowing it's out there somewhere thrills me.

***


****Cigar Rights of America. If you aren't a member, you should become one, stat. (I just double-checked my member status before I wrote that. Didn't want to be a hypocrite. All paid up!)

It's not a circus; it's a Cigarnival!

You already know how much I dig...

...and not just because they take my word collections and share them with the world, although that doesn't hurt.

Here's some new stuff on iROBUSTO, this time about Cigarnival, the massive shindig hosted by Famous Smoke this past weekend.* Consider me the ghost writer of these pieces--and no, not because I don't have a tan yet this summer and am ghostly white.**

Anyway, check out these five stories, below. All photos blatantly swiped from iROBUSTO.


"The Biker Chef: Big Swole"

"Consuelo Gomez Rolling at Cigarnival"

"Legend Cigars with John Starks"

"Perdomo Wins Shirt Battle"

"Alec Bradley American Classic Garage"

I'm going to start saving now*** so we can whoop it up next year with Caballero #2, a regular at this event.


*I KNOW I haven't gotten around to writing about May's CigarFest yet, although here's a video:

Anyway, stop  pressuring me. I'll get to it. Remember how a few weeks ago I wrote about the LFD football cigars and the SuperBowl? So yes. Plenty of time.

**And by tan, I mean a collection of freckles getting together giving the illusion of an actual tan. Let's just refer to that bit of crazy as my Irish tan, okay?

***Hahahaha.

Rocky Patel joins the Band of Merry Men--and everyone is happy! Now! Includes Men in Tights!

I'm all about gathering my Band of Merry Men about me. In fact, I prefer my world that way--surrounded by awesome fellas who think I'm lovely and charming and hilarious.*

Not exactly them, but you get the gist.
(I wish I could get them in these outfits. Even for a day...hahaha)
Also, Men in Tights in a hoot of a movie!

Valentino, of course, is the Robin Hood in this scenario and I'm Maid Marian, for I am a delicate Renaissance flower.** Caballero #2 is Little John, without the monk's robe. But Little John wasn't around for this adventure, sadly.

Generally we wind up in our secret lair (Habanos in Pawtucket, RI) purely by accident--if you call attendance patterns accidents. Whatevs.



I WISH I could get them to chorus line.
I wonder what it would cost me... because I'd pay cash money.

Something else you need to know about the Band of Merry Men: Their numbers fluctuate and the members vary, depending on work and hangover schedules. You may remember the last official unofficial gathering.

But the other day, many core group members found themselves in the tavern, well-primed (by the mead) for shenanigans and cigars. I thrust--yes, actually thrust--these most awesome-looking Rocky Patel American Market Selection robustos (5 1/2 x 50) (below) at four of them, all with varied cigar-smoking regularity and experience. (I had five, but had to save one for Valentino [obvs], who went missing in Sherwood Forest. Or the walk-in humidor.***) 

The lovely folks at Famous Smoke Shop
sent them to us and said, "Smoke these please."
We're very good at following directions.
[source]

I guess I could have given the Band of Merry Men some kind of instruction or told them about the cigar, but...nah. I just demanded, "Smoke this."****

First up, my brother Chris. This was literally his fourth premium cigar ever.*****

New cigar smoker and yet already
mastered one of the key cigar poses.

You know we wouldn't lead him astray (much); his previous three were well-chosen, but this one he declared the best yet. Keep in mind: he doesn't know the cigar lingo or the ever-repeated descriptors, yet he said it surprisingly tasted creamy "and with some nuts or something." Huh.

 

Our pal Jim's a "few cigars a week" smoker and agreed with this Rocky Patel robusto's creaminess.

Note to self: Monitor photographs
rather than tossing the phone to the next victim.
Take my word for it: this is Jim's hand and cigar.
BTW, nice ash, Jim.
Or maybe we should say, "Nice ash, Rocky Patel."

"This is a good mildish smoke," Jim said, using an overly-technical term. His lovely wife rolled her eyes, because that's what long-time lovely wives do.

Poor Deb. She'd come by to take her husband for ice cream.

Jim, however, had yet to touch flame to cigar.

I threatened Merry Men moniker revocation--plus I'd take the cigar back.  When his eyes pleaded "But my wife..." I took control. We stormed her vehicle, insisting she succumb to our demands. And by this, I mean we begged for Jim to please stay and play with us. I also bribed her with promises of adult beverages. She acquiesced. (Yay!)

"And there's a lot of flavor," he continued. "This Rocky Patel is damn good." Thanks for taking one for the Band, Jim! And sorry about the ice cream, Deb!

Another Band leader, Brian, smokes a bit more than Jim, including stogies on the golf course.

Are my photography skills getting better
or his he incredibly photogenic?
I'd bet on the latter.

"This would be a great smoke for the course," Brian said. "It's mild. I prefer that when I'm playing golf. And this," he pointed to burning cigar, "this is the best part so far. It gets better the more I smoke it." He demonstrated with a deep draw. "Where can I get these?"

 

I acted as a fair maiden should, instead of cranking the snark and said, "They're exclusive to Famous Smoke. So if you want them, you either drive there or ask the mighty, mighty internets for assistance." He nodded and yanked out his phone.  "What's it called again?"

 

The most excellent Rocky Patel American Market Selection robusto.

 

And then, our hero, the cigar savant. 

I'd probably get better pictures if I, oh, I don't know--
got up from the couch and perhaps even tried to focus.******

"I like this a lot," Valentino said, and then in a stage-whisper asked how many were left.

I shook my head.

"What does that mean?"

"None," I admitted, trying to look demure while holding a bag of Cheez-Its.

Pretty darned close to his reaction.

Sometimes my generosity in the pursuit of a good (or goodish) story causes strife.  Poor Valentino. He was strifed.

Oh my sweet reader, you just went back up to count, because you thought That was only four Merry Men but...Famous Smoke Shop sent five cigars.

And yet I did lose--one cigar.

Yeah. Lost. Merry Man Eric took his and exited, stage left. I may have to vote him out of the group. Or be more clear in my instructions. Or give instructions. Actually, this is probably on me.

Oh! And some things you want/need to know about the Rocky Patel American Market Selection robustos:

Wrapper: Ecuadorian Connecticut (Rumor has it, this wrapper was all the rage back in the day--not Robin Hood days, but the early 20th century.)

Filler: Honduran and Nicaraguan

Available sizes:

• Churchill (7×49)
• Double Corona (7.5×52)
• Robusto, obviously (5 1/2 x 50)
• Sixty (6×60)
• Toro (6×52)
• Torpedo (6×52)

And in case you slept through that part, you can only get these at Famous Smoke Shop!

All right. I've got to round up the Band of Merry Men. I'm dying for attention. And a meal I don't have to pay for.




*If you know what's good for you, you will NOT debunk this theory.

**Shush, you.

***Or wherever it is he wanders off to as I hide behind the laptop.

****In a lady-like way, of course.

*****Sorry, Mum!

******Story of my life, this inability to focus.