T minus 6 days until my next iROBUSTO column or: Caution--many newly-created words ahead!

The first part of that title is me looking at my day-late show-offiness optimistically.

Remember how I highlighted Cigarnival cool activities?* That got me thinking about giant herfs** and the benefits of attending one (or more).

With every Facebook post proclaiming "Everything is Awesome,"*** I had more of the sad for missing this year's Cigarnival.

The other day, we took Caballero #2's HerfMobile to New Hampshire (from Massachusetts, so an hour and a half or so jaunt) and as he drove, smoking some of the event's loot, I wondered what I actually missed, so I started making a list in my head. (I like to make lists a lot. Sometimes I even look at them again.) Also in attendance for the ride: Our pal Mike, who heretofore shall be known as Caballero #3. When we see him this weekend, he shall be properly ordained, so let's keep it between us until after the 4th, okay?

L to R: Newly-anointed Caballero #3,
Carlito Fuente, and Caballero #2

And because fair is fair, here's one of
our hero with Carlito

Full disclosure: I didn't attend the Famous Smoke megaherf because Valentino played in a golf tournament that weekend. I knew I'd never keep up with Caballero #2; he is a world-class socializer and master cigar passer-outterer and CRA**** signer-upperer, so he'd be busy doing those things. I require a more, um, hands-on handler, because given the choice between sitting in a corner reading and gladhanding...well, let's just say I always have a book with me. No need to tell me; I already know: I am a world-class nerd.

So this week's column for iROBUSTO is 5 Things about why you should attend a big-ass herf. (Or something along that line.) You should check it out! In the meantime, I have to go think of something incredibly clever for next week... Damn, the Thursdays come around quickly, don't they? Until then, I leave you with this:

*One of my favorite words, thanks mostly to this:

[source]

**Not the ones that roam the land, seeking the souls of people who say they're allergic to foods but aren't, just to hop on the bandwagon. What? That's not an alternate definition of herf?? I could have sworn that was a thing. Can we make it one? Even if it's as elusive as a unicorn, just knowing it's out there somewhere thrills me.

***


****Cigar Rights of America. If you aren't a member, you should become one, stat. (I just double-checked my member status before I wrote that. Didn't want to be a hypocrite. All paid up!)

Words you should know: Maduro

You see the dark wrapper and immediately think "Whoa! That's going to be a full cigar, all filled with strength and spice. I'm not ready for that strong a cigar yet."

Something's afoot! It's the Leaf by Oscar! [source]

We say, "Oh, pshaw." Turn that part of your brain off, please, and open your hearts to the maduro because this wrapper is going to surprise the crap out of you. In a (really) good way. Probably better if you're prepared for all that goodness.

 A language lesson: maduro means "mature" or "ripe" in Spanish, not "This is going to be so mother-effing strong I won't be able to handle it." Okay. Class over.

So why are the maduro cigars so so so dark?


[source]

You know how when you caramelize onions they get all dark and delicious? Same thing. Same-ish thing. Extra fermentation, baby. Alllll fermentation.

Here's how a maduro is born:

1. Really nice folks pick the someday-wrapper leaves, which are generally thicker than binder and filler leaves--and even non-maduro wrappers. Why thicker? Because thinner leaves will go "Poof!" and disintegrate during the loooooong fermentation process. That would be a waste of time and energy for the grower and the plant.

2a. Leaves snuggle together in a curing barn for up to 45 days--until their color goes from just-grown green to rich, delicious brown. You know, the opposite of what you generally want to happen with your plants at home.

2b. Want darker, sweeter, more caramelly leaves? Age them even longer--years if you like. (Cigar makers have some serious patience.)

3. Voila! Super fermented leaves with a deep, rich, flavorful profile you'd be a fool* to pass up. What kind of flavor? Well, depending on the soil and all those factors that make tobacco unique, you could be smoking the cigar equivalent of  dark chocolate, coffee, brown sugar, caramel, molasses, black pepper, dried fruit, black cherry, or other stuff the plants haven't even thought of yet! Almost all maduro wrappers are more complex than other wrappers because they worked very very hard at being delicious.

Mmmmm. (These are Fuentes, by the way.)  [source]

Let's play Cigar Smoker Word Association.
You say "maduro." Many will respond "dessert."

So beyond fermentation, what's providing the delicious sweetness?
A. Genetic make-up
B. Seed-type
C. Organic micro elements in the soil
D. All of the above.

The answer is D, so you can't possibly try this is home. (Sorry!)  And even if you get all those elements correct, tobacco variety tastes differently from one farm to the next and varies from crop to crop, depending on rainfall and  (literally) on which way the wind blows.

The mighty broadleaf. [source]

If you want the most sweetness from a maduro wrapper, seek out the broadleaf, which is genetically programmed to satisfy your sweet tooth.**

We challenge you to give the maduro wrapper a try. Actually, try a couple from different companies, but make sure one of them is a Padron '64 Anniversary series

and another is a Perdomo 20th Anniversary.

Oh crap. I could make myself crazy trying to include all the fabulous ones.

And Valentino really doesn't need me to be any crazier. I'm already at a dangerously high level.***




*


I pity the fool
that turns his nose up at maduro wrappers.

**But don't chew on it, for heaven's sake. That will land you in #cigarloungedouchebag territory.

***

A most welcoming event with the most gracious people

While we roamed around Pennsylvania, waiting for the CigarFest kick-off, we donned our fancy-pants clothes and headed to To' Makao Fine Cigars in Bethlehem, PA. I actually begged (and not in  a lady-like manner) for the Band of Merry Caballeros to agree to go to this super-great ticketed event.

 

Owner Franklin Pichardo is one of the nicest, sweetest, kindest people in the Universe. We met him in Miami this past October at Cigar Cellar, owned by SuperFriend Rhea Planes. (We were in town for the Havana Nights fundraiser,* organized by another of the universe's most awesome people, Berta Bravo.**)

 

On this pre-CigarFest night in April, though, former Opus X roller Franklin celebrated the visit of his long-time mentor and friend, Carlito Fuente.



Naturally, Will needed to be the center of attention,
even though it was Carlito's birthday.

 

When we first arrived, we received  some of Franklin's hand-rolled cigars, both gorgeous and delicious:

 

 

 

During the evening, Carlito told us about his first meeting with Franklin and how he had grown into the amazing man we saw before us.

 



Great picture by Valentino.

Franklin was in tears and speechless, as were we all.





Terrible picture by me. Sigh.



Mike, the Honorary Caballero (left),
Carlito, and Caballero #2 at the event.

Our hero and Carlito,
who is one of the most gracious men on the planet.
(Our hero's not to shabby himself.)

Fuente Fuente Opus X Love Affair***



A beautiful cigar, made by an extraordinary man and his company.

Of course a raffle was held.

Of course Valentino won the grand prize, a Fuente Fuente Opus 22  unfilled gift box, which Carlito then signed, and told him to select any ten cigars from the Fuente lines.

In case you didn't know, this limited box, when filled and sold, raises money for the Cigar Family Charitable Foundation, "a thoughtful cause dedicated to providing substantial humanitarian impact to communities in the Dominican Republic."



A very Fuente collection. The Opus box, a box of Opus X Love Affair,
and a variety of cigars, purchased at both Franklin's shop
and an earlier jaunt to Cigars International. 
(Photo by Valentino.)

And then photo by me of the same stuff.
Sigh.

If you happen to be anywhere near Bethlehem, PA, you MUST MUST MUST (MUST MUST) visit Franklin's shop. Tell him we sent you.

*This year's event, "A Fuente Family Affair" is on October 30. We're planning to be there. You should join us.

**Berta deserves her very own post, and will get it soon. Yeah, she's that great.

***The person who names the Fuente cigars should be sainted. Or knighted. Or something wonderful for the best cigar names ever.





That's what friends are for (helping me fill blog posts when I'm brain dead)

First of all, friends from the mighty, mighty internets are real friends.

 

Twitter pal @doc_wil posted this picture (which you have to wait for because I do go on...) and I love, love, love it for many reasons, including:

• Flowers, which equals sunshine and spring and... Huzzah!
• Apparently, his chores were done, and that's the best feeling of all!
• Fuente! Hemingway Signature! (I have a special fondness for the Hemingway series because of this guy, obviously)

 

Oops. I rambled on a bit, as I am wont to do. You came for a picture! And here it is:



 

Loooovely...

Okay. As you were. In fact, I'll play you out with this:

The plight of the writer. Sometimes we need transfusions from life.
Cigars help a lot.

Here's a short story about a Short Story--and an amazing place to get them.

Once upon a time, a couple of guys, let's call them Frank and Anthony (which works out because those are their names), had a "dream of making cigars more accessible to Americans who appreciate a good quality smoke without the hassle of having to deal with a time-consuming trip to a cigar shop." And thus, they created CigarsCity.com.

For those of us in the northeast, who have access to a cigar shop about every twenty feet or so,* we forget that the rest of the country doesn't necessarily roll (haha) that way. (We're sorry.) In fact, you guys have to roll a very long way in order to lay your hands on a premium cigar. (Still sorry.)

Case in point: My boy now lives in Clarksburg, WV. "Let's go to a cigar lounge!" I suggested enthusiastically as Valentino and I prepared for our first trip there.

"Nope."

"What do you mean?" (I don't like being told "no" for any reason. Consider yourself warned.)

"No smoking indoors in West Virginia except..." I forget the rest because I was busy thinking about how he has to drive to that far-off land to purchase cigars. Plus, I have a limited capacity for listening anyway.

So he has to order them online.

This is the point in the story where Frank and Anthony re-enter, for they are much needed in the cigar world.

Hi Frank! Hi Anthony!

"We're cigar fans too," they say on their website. "Some of us are true aficionados, others haven't developed as deep [an appreciation] for cigars but instead enjoy them on special occasions. Either way, we're here to help make sure whatever your purpose and level of passion for cigars, we exceed your expectations and make your experience a great one."

I love that they're regular guys and can understand the cigar needs of both other regular guys (and gals) like me but can also chatter all day with folks like Valentino who know tons and tons of things about tons and tons of things.

And where do these brilliant conversations occur? Where can we travel to visit out new friends Frank and Anthony? Grab the next internet bus and go to CigarsCity.com. These guys are a B&M (brick and mortar store) located inside the internet! (They're very tiny people.) That means no pesky overhead to pass on to you!

These guys have a full bounty of cigar friends you've probably been searching for--especially if you're living in the cigar dead zone: The Fuente Hemingway Series! Perdomo ESV Sun Grown! La Gloria Cubana Churchills!** And that's just for starters!



[source]

As a writer, I am required by law to love the Hemingway series. But I would anyway--even if I were a pastry chef or a public relations executive, or stay-at-home-mom.*** "Unlike the original Fuente line-up that is much more mild, the Hemingway category of cigars is not for the new cigar fan or the beginner [because of it's strength. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try these babies--just be prepared!]. These sticks are packed with flavor and deliver an experience you will struggle to find anywhere else," according to the website--and the sentiments are reinforced by, um, the rest of the cigar world.

The Fuente Short Story, one of the company's most sought-after cigars, is readily available at CigarsCity.com, as are the Best Seller, Classic, Signature, and Masterpiece. Yep. They're all sitting there, resting in perfect humidity, waiting to go home with you.

A couple of those Short Stories (Storys?) made their way to Casa Awesome, courtesy of Frank and Anthony.

Hey! Nice ring!

Just like having a short story read to you can be a magical experience, so can second-hand smoking this Short Story. The sweet and pepper flavors blend together like a perfect couple who live a perfect(o) life. (Kind of like we do.) (Oh, quiet. It's mushy but true.)

These Dominican cigars (with a choice of Cameroon or Maduro wrappers) are handmade, as you would expect from the Fuente family, using the generations-old perfecto molds. Valentino noted the cigar's rich taste and smooth smoke, but I lingered on my sweet and rich flavors. Just like a good short story, this Short Story left us both satisfied, lingering on different, but equally delightful details.****

Speaking of delightful details, the folks at CigarsCity.com are committed to customer service--and for us, that's everything. While many companies say they pride themselves on an excellent customer experience, Frank and Anthony and the gang kick customer service ass.***** Here are some examples of that ass-kicking:

• Most cigars ship the day you order them! No waiting!
• They only list in-stock items on the website!
• Free shipping on orders over $49!
• If you poke around on the website, you're going to see some cigars you've been dying to find! I found them for you! You're welcome!(::cough:: Opus X Lost City Lanceros ::cough::)
• All cigars are stored 68-72 degrees relative humidity. (Great for cigars; terrible for my hair.)

Because CigarsCity.com is essentially a B&M on the internet, you're going to make friends with these folks with your first order. And they're going to be your friends for a long time. Almost like being there.  And when you get there******, tell Frank and Anthony that Penny and Valentino said "Hi!"

The End.

For now.


*Exaggeration, but not by much

**If you're wondering why we chose to use these as examples, we'll tell you: Anthony sent us each of these to fall in love with--because there really isn't any alternative. Why? Because we are awesome. And they are awesome AND cool!

***I've been all these things, so I'm speaking with authority here.

****We're going to tell you about the Perdomo and La Gloria Cubana soon.

*****In case you don't speak Penny World yet, that means super duper great.

******Metaphorically

A Tale of Two Cigar Shops/Lounges, Part the Second (but about Nos. 4 and 5) (Numbers are confusing.)

When we last left you, we'd visited Broadway Cigars and kept Will from licking the cigars. Check out Part the First and Part the First and a Half.

Then we hopped in the car and headed to a place we'd been meaning to go for ages: The Humidor in Cranston, RI. As you may remember, we visited their East Greenwich shop not too long ago.

The Cranston store is their flagship and, while not as big as our earlier jaunt destination, man oh man do they have a ton of cool stuff! In fact, we had a really hard time deciding what to get. Apprently, for the fiscally responsible (Valentino), "Let's get all the things!" is not a reasonable alternative.

But first! We want to tell you this interesting fact: The Humidor was one of Drew Estate's first five accounts and the first in New England.

Now I wish I could say, for continuity's sake, that we bought a ton of Drew Estate cigars, but we already have a ton ton ton in the humidor, so we went in a different direction and got these:

I know!

We've been looking for the My Father Cigars lancero, also known as the My Father No. 4, for just ages! And here they were! We suspect we're going to love them, and when we got home, we were all d'oh! Why did we only get one of the 7 1/2 x 38 cigars, with their Ecuadorian Habano Rosado wrappers and Nicaraguan binders and fillers? We never do that! We always get at least two, usually three--one to smoke right away, one for the humidor, and one for a second smoke. The humidor looked angry* when we only fed one of these lovelies into its maw.

We'll tell you more when we set it on fire, which will probably happen soon-ish.


Then! the lovely Jana, owner extraordinaire, brought this box from the back room:

...and Will jumped right in. Sigh.

This lovely box is half-filled with the Fuente Fuente Opus X (FFOX) Perfecxion No. 5, which may seem owl-sized at 40 x 4 7/8, but we triple-dog-dared him to light one up. We stared him down--or tried to but were seriously losing--so we walked away and passive-aggressively said, "You do what you want." 

We should probably tell Will that our friends at Famous Smoke** say the "cigars are stunning little fireplugs handcrafted by Carlito Fuente's most talented rollers using vintage, all-Dominican, Cuban-seed fillers capped in mouthwateringly oily wrappers. The smoke is full-bodied, heady and spicy, laced with a deep dark tobacco flavors." Yeah, we should probably tell him.

This is another instance where we say, "What were we thinking? Why didn't we just grab the box and run?"***

Jana, we're going to be back soon, because we really should hav ebought all the things. Is there an opposite of "buyer's remorse"? Like, "Didn't buy it remorse"? Because if that's a thing, we have it. Big time.


*It truly is a living beast, with wants and needs that must be fulfilled.  And you should never, ever feed it after midnight.

**Of course, our friends at Famous Smoke also say "Hahaha, good luck finding these!"

***Probably because we aren't really runners. Plus, we're pretty law-abiding and we'd feel really badly before we ever reached the car. Plus plus, Jana is wicked nice.

C&C Connecticut (even though I keep wanting to say "C&C Music Factory")

"Try this," our friend and owner of Habanos, Bassam, said, handing Valentino a cigar. "You'll like it."

Valentino had already given two unknown cigars a try that night and his unwillingness to go for a hat trick filled the bar.*

"You have to," I said, in that low whisper with unmoving lips partners use to communicate when in a group, as if trying to use ventriloquism to slip directly into their beloved's brain.

He looked defeated. He just wanted an old friend to smoke. In his travel humidor sat a La Flor Dominicana Mystery Cigar (the event-only cigar) (by the way, Hi Johns--Gallogly and Carney!), a CAO Amazon Basin, and the ever-present Padron 64, because...Padron. The first two jumped up and down, shouting "Pick me!" while the Padron lay there calmly, saying, "I will always be here for you, friend. Until you need me, I'll be playing dominos."

The eldest Mr. Padron playing dominos,
setting a good example for the cigars--
appropriate since he is their creator.

Valentino reluctantly snipped off the head of the C&C Connecticut, still gazing longingly at the small humidor before him.  He tested the draw and his head didn't explode from frustration, so that was a good sign.**

He toasted the foot, giving the cigar the stink-eye and then took a couple of inaugural puffs. His eyes lit up like they did when we first arrived at the Padron factory in October.

"This is fucking good!" he said, unable to hide the surprise from his voice.

"I told you!" Bassam said, with his big, hearty laugh.

In case you don't know, the C&C Connecticut has a Connecticut Ecuador wrapper, Dominican Olor binder, and Domnican Criollo 98 and Corojo Ligero fillers, which created a perfect balance of mild and strong, bringing the cigar smack dab in the middle of the strength-o-meter, at 5.

"Stuck in the middle with you..."

The dang thing was creamy and nutty and I would have nom-nom-nommed on it if I weren't positive I would have regretted the action once I had a mouth full of tobacco and fire.

According to Stogie Geeks, "Even Cigar Aficionado praised this cigar with a rating of 90, which is not an everyday occurrence for a Churchill-size cigar that costs less than $5 per stick."

Wait. Whaaa? The Churchill (7 x 50) was less that $5? Then what did the robusto (5 x 50) cost? (The cigar also comes in toro [6 x 54] and gigantor [6 x 60], as well as corojo and maduro.)  Maybe we are a little too big for our britches (we do love the snacks--oh, different kind of "too big for your britches"), but there's no way on heaven and earth Valentino would willingly smoke a low-priced cigar. And yet...
 

Yes, there is a cigar in this picture.

I just asked Valentino whether Habanos was now selling these, since I saw CI was clean out of them. "No. They were samples."

Oh sheesh. I suspected I was going to have to roll up my sleeves and do that crazy-lady researching thing, whereby I can find just about any cigar, even if they are "impossible" to lay hands on. As a matter of fact, on New Year's Eve, we were chatting with a couple about how they love that Amazon Basin, but getting them was impossible. I laughed and searched.  Within five minutes, I'd sent them a link for ordering. Even during the Great Opus X Lost City Lancero Drought, I had a box and a half wrapped up and under the Christmas tree. Was I going to have to dig into the internet to find these C&C Connecticuts now?

That entire thought process occurred during the pause between sentences.  I should lay off the Diet Coke. My brain. She is a fast runner.*** "But he said he's going to get them in," Valentino finished.

As I finish writing and rewriting this, Valentino just said, "I hate to smoke the corojo" (that Bassam had given him). "Then I won't have any more."****

"You said they're coming," I reminded him, opening the humidor door (haha) to let the delicious scent waft over him, reminding him of other lovely sticks of pleasure.

"But when?"

Bassam, be fair-warned: We're going to pester you until they come in.

In the meantime, I handed him an LFD Mystery Cigar to smoke later and cranked up the C+C Music Factory:*****

 

 

 

 

*Of course, no one else could see his unwillingness but me. I'm a trained professional.

 



**Man, that would have been embarrassing.

 

***Unlike my actual self, which cannot understand the concept of running for fun.

 

****Keep in mind, he has umpity-gajillion cigars--so many that we just bought a second 2,000-count humidor.

 

*****C+C: Which stands for "cookies and cream"--the group's producers' favorite ice cream******

 

******How can you not love that??

Happy New Year! (The rest of the story)

New Year's Eve is happening. Right this second.* Although by the time I post this, we could be in 2016.

So here's a brief rundown. 

Our hero, Cabellero #1:

I actually took a cool picture! Yay me!

The Cigar Formerly Known as Mysterioso!  Thanks LFD for bringing it back this year, even though some asshat was mad about the Mysterio/Mysterioso name. (::cough:: click on the link for details ::cough::)

Cabellero #2 takes on New Year's Eve

Cabellero #2, upon us handing him a cigar and demanding he smoke it, had a Kristoff 685, which we told you about recently.

Remember?

Our friend Jake, the Maestro of Hanley's Ale House, loved on this baby:

The ash perplexed us.

It's the darned LFD Salomon, about which Cigar Aficionado said, "La Flor Dominicana Salomon is beautiful, strong, and complex. The man behind the cigar is Litto Gomez, who has become one of the most intriguing and talented cigarmakers in the world today. This Salomon showcases his considerable talents. His blend of homegrown tobacco from La Canela, Dominican Republic, and a stunning, dark wrapper imported from Nicaragua combines to bombard the palate with bold flavor of black cherry, licorice and rich cocoa."   

Okay, so the other day,** we were at Cigars International's Hamburg Superstore and I bought two salomons, natural and maduro, for Cabelleros #1 and #2 to smoke on New Year's Eve.

And I left them at home, in the humidor. Boo! I had the sad. That just means another smoke-together! Wahoo!***

Our friend Deep Dish Dave, smoked this for Old Times' Sake:

Because Jake ordered them for him

And then we started the new year with a new moniker for him. Deep Dish Dave is now LFDave, because our other hangout ran out of the Deep Dish, known for its "Sumatra wrapper, velvety smoke, and toasty sweetness." He needed something, so I bought him an LFD Capitulo 2 and he was done for. A goner. At least until ::hint hint:: the new Drew Estate order comes in.

Our hero ended the evening with this:

 

...of which he said, "Everything about this cigar is amazing." Yep. That's an Opus X Lost City Lancero, the great white whale of the cigar world, and for good reason. According to CI, "The Opus X Lost City was made with rare tobaccos grown on Chateau de la Fuente during the off-season for crop production, tobaccos that have been aging for 5 years prior to production. Made with 100% Dominican-grown tobaccos, this puro features dark Dominican wrappers and an eventful blend of Dominican long-fillers. The result is a bold, creamy smoke with robust flavors delivered in a mild, and smooth fashion complemented by a deep, cedary aroma. Rare, no doubt. Pricey, but worth it. Special, absolutely."

Our friend Jarrid (Hi Jarrid!) gifted the cigar to Valentino. THAT was amazing. Thank you a million times over, friend. A perfect ending to an imperfect year.****

*Hahahaha. Two days ago.

**Like, two? Three? weeks ago.

***Which is the opposite of Boo!

****Ask me some time about how Valentino almost missed the "Happy New Year!" portion of the show. Damn you, Rolex.***** ::shakes fist::

*****Operator error, actually.