Lighting that Motherfucker

You can get cigar-lighting how-tos all over the mighty internets—some concisely right-on and some…not so much. Watch video after video and you’ll find each subtly different.

Nuances abound in the cigar world, but don’t worry about the “right way.”

Fuck the nuances. At this point, you just want that sucker

1. On fire and

2. To remain lit.

 

Your spokesmodel for the evening:
Caballero #3

Lighting the cigar with no fanfare:

1. Cut about a 1/16th off the end. (This is a post for another day.)

2. “Toast” the end that doesn’t go in your mouth.* Blow it out if it keeps flaming as you pull the lighter away.

What that means: hold it above the flame and spin it a bit—just like you’re toasting a marshmallow.** You’re warming up the wrapper.

Not so much for demonstration purposes,
but to show my mad photography skills.
And by "mad," I mean "bad."

3. Put the stick in your mouth*** and hold the flame about an inch from the foot. You’re lighting the filler.

4. Puff a couple of times.

4.5 Dear god, don’t inhale.

5. Hand the house lighter back to the cigartender.****

 

6. Repeat 3-5 as necessary if the cigar goes out.

Fire! Fire! Fire!

 

*This shouldn’t have to be said, and yet…

**If you’re one of those assholes that burns the marshmallow, stay the fuck away from cigars.

***Heh heh heh.

****Don’t even think about pocketing it. Yes, it’s nice, but it’s not yours.

Helpy McHelperson, Part the Second

When last we left our hero, he'd been helping Brad choose some new (to him) cigars. If you haven't figured out by now, Valentino is 1. Incredibly outgoing; 2. Incredibly helpful; 3. Incredibly understanding.  I am, maybe, one and a half of these things, and neither the one, nor the half, is #1. That's why we're such a great team. I'm happy to stay in the background while he makes things happen.

Recently, we were at an undisclosed location* and a very nice man asked for recommendations, saying he liked medium-to-full strength and flavor. He didn't care for infused; instead, he liked a hint of creaminess. Valentino was about to offer help but then backed off, not wanting to step on the proprietor/Bossman's toes/ego/whatever, since he happened to be standing right near us. There's helpful and there's annoyingly take-chargy; Valentino knows the difference, understanding that Bossman likes to be in charge, and so he happily stood back and let the Bossman make suggestions.

Not the Bossman, although, now that I think of it, kinda...

The two men went into the humidor and, when they came out, Bossman headed to points unknown.  Of course, because we are nosy interested, we asked what our new friend would soon be smoking.

He held up a MUWAT** Kentucky Fire Cured. We wondered why Bossman would have suggested that.  He and I looked at each other and communicated with a series of eye rolls, questioning looks, and shrugs, the way people who spend a lot of time together do. Finally, after unfurrowing our brows, Valentino asked if he'd ever had that cigar before. Now don't get us wrong. We like the KFC just fine, but we were worried because based on what he'd said previously, this didn't seem like the best choice for him.

According to the Drew Estate website, "Kentucky Fire Cured is not something new to the world of tobacco, as it has been grown for over 200 years. Easily compared to the smokey taste attributed to a peaty scotch, the KFC picks up nuances of the roasted hickory, oak or maple wood."

Valentino told him about the deliciously rich, smoky, slightly-sweet flavor. The man furrowed his own brow and shook his head. He said he didn't care for any kind of smoky flavors, in his ham or anywhere else. Then he and Valentino returned to the humidor and found him something much more in line with what he was used to smoking: Herrera Esteli, "a medium plus blend that is exceptionally creamy with great balance of spice and sweet." This is the first in the Willy Herrera line; we chatted about the second here--and we're giving some away, so make sure you sign up!!

We came across this quotation the other day and it stuck with us, like gum on shoe--or a clue on a gumshoe. Whatever.

There is no perfect cigar--just the perfect cigar for you and your tastes.

A good proprietor will try to match you with your perfect cigar rather than one that is popular. If the person making the recommendation doesn't seem confident in their cigar discussion, by all means, ask for a second opinion. After all, a good cigar can cost as much as a co-pay; it should bring you an hour or more of pleasure. Smoking a cigar you don't care for can turn you off cigars for a while or, at the very least,  ruin what should have been a relaxing and enjoyable time.

Occasionally Valentino will start smoking something that he winds up not caring for. He'll make his way through the whole dang thing, not enjoying it, but feeling as though he made the commitment and should see it to the end, er, nub.

I, however, am an advocate of "If you don't like it, stop it!" and frequently (practically) jump up and down, saying "You don't have to finish it! I'll get you another! Stop the madness!" Sometimes he's right to press on for a bit, as he winds up liking the cigar after an inch or so, and you should totally give some time to the stick before writing it off. But come on, nubbing a cigar that you bitched about the entire time?*** That is 100% counterproductive to the cigar culture.

So enjoy that cigar and your time smoking it. Please. We're begging you!!




*And I'm not going to tell you where because we are very nice and have no intention of calling anyone out on anything. And it's a place we've never mentioned here, so don't go speculating.

**My Uzi Weighs a Ton--But if you're in the know, and of course we are (hahahaha)--you just call it Moo-wat.

***Hypothetically. Valentino doesn't do this. Not through the whole thing anyway!

In which Valentino is Mr. Helpy McHelperson, Part the First

So we're sitting at Habanos, and I am "grading papers"* while Valentino smokes and chats and orders a pizza for me.**

Brad comes in and we greet him because we're awesome like that. He goes into the humidor and gets his regular purchase.*** As he comes to the end of it, he starts thinking aloud about what to have next. He says he likes medium and asks what Valentino would recommend. Of course Valentino has a recommendation. They disappear into the humidor and return with these selections:

Alec Bradley, Kristoff, and LaSirena. Haha Two men and a lady!

The Alec Bradley Black Market is one of Valentino's favorites; quite a few currently reside in The Monster, waiting their turn to be called up to the big league. (Oh. And set on fire--the metaphor died a horrible death, didn't it?). It's medium strength and the "4-country blend is jam-packed with Jamastran, Honduras and Panamanian long-fillers, capped off by a lively Sumatra binder and powerful Nicaraguan wrapper leaf. Upon first lighting, plumes of smoke fill the air as the blend burns with purpose. Unique and satisfying arrays of flavors greet your palate, as spice, pepper, and peaty undertones finish the ensemble. With a long dry finish, and slow burn, the Black Market cigar is a finger burner." [source]

We just told you yesterday about our fondness for all things Kristoff, so no surprise that it made the recommendation trio. This one, the Corojo Limitada "is for the fan of Nicaraguan tobacco" which is why it made the cut here--as you must know by now, Valentino looooves Nicaraguan tobacco. According to the Kristoff website, "Nearly a puros Nicaraguan blend, this medium-full bodied cigar is loaded with spice, nutmeg, toasted nut and a sweet-spicy finish. Made with 100% Habano seed tobacco that is double and triple fermented, the Corojo Limitada maintains the Kristoff tradition of flavor and smoothness." This cigar is considered the "signature of Kristoff Cigars." We very much like their penmanship.****

He also recommended a La Sirena. Apparently he adores this as well, although I have no memory of him actually smoking one. Of course, we're not together allllll the time, although you probably think we are. Just most of the time! I do know that our friend Eric (Hi Eric!) is a fan of Arielle's line, including this, the Merlion, which is a "rich blend comprised of six...tobaccos. It all starts with a feisty, yet silky smooth Ecuadorian Corojo wrapper. This lovely leaf hugs a Brazilian Sumatra binder, housing an impressive long-filler bouquet of Dominican Corojo, Dominican Criollo 98', Nicaraguan ligero, and finally Brazilian Mata Fina. An adventurous blend no doubt, each brand's influence is evident, as the Merlion asserts a bold, well-balanced array of rich medium to full-bodied smoke...Expect hints of pepper, oak, natural sweetness, and subtle floral notes to mingle, before a long toasty finish." While the Merlion is considered fuller, the tobacco level isn't that high, so its strength isn't pop-your-head-off full, just nice and subtle full.<--Yes, that's a thing. I just made it up, which makes it a thing now.

Valentino's willingness to help out a new friend isn't unique. It happens time and again, whether it's lending a lighter, buying a drink, or handing over a favorite cigar***** in order to share the love with someone who hadn't yet tried it. (And if Valentino hands you a Padron or a Joel Sherman by Nat Sherman, you might as well consider yourself BFFs for life.)

So if you're not sure what to smoke next while you're at the cigar lounge, ask for suggestions. You may just find your new all-time favorite. Or at the very least, make a new friend.

*hahahha. Reading homework words, hoping they're in a good enough order to call fabulous.

**And him, but more for me. Two words: Hungry. Headache.

***If I weren't such a hack reporter, I'd be able to tell you what that cigar was. However, I am a hack reporter with a limited ability to retain information when distracted by air, so...yeah. Let's just skip over this stick. Pretend it never happened.

****Come on. Work with me here. Signature? Penmanship. Sometimes I think I have the funny in abundance!

*****Unsmoked, of course!