Thursday, August 6, 2015

5 things about...When to ask for help in a cigar lounge or: Ode to my celebrity boyfriend, RIP

Untrue! Untrue! Untrue!
(No disrespect, though, sir.)
You’ve driven by this cigar lounge no less than one million times, barely noticing it.

Today, your car pulls itself into the parking lot.

Last week at the cookout, your best pal handed you a cigar. You savored every last moment of it, right down to the finger-burning nubbin.* At party’s end, you were set free, cigarless, no memory of the name or band. But damn, it was good.

Now here you sit, scrolling through Facebook, the world’s best procrastination tool, hoping no one’s watching you through the lounge’s mirrored plate glass windows.**

Exactly. Put down the phone and go in.
Go in. We’re right there with you, cheering you on. Just keep some stuff in mind—and if you don’t remember any or all of it, ask for a tutorial from a kind soul—and by that we mean anyone in the lounge.

Choosing the cigar
You don’t remember that fantastic smoke. That’s okay. Ask your cigartender for assistance and she’ll happily help, by asking what you like. Shrugging won’t offend her, especially since you’ve had exactly one cigar in your life. She’ll probably start you with something more on the mild side rather than something super strong and powerful that kicks your tastebuds in the nuts.*** Who knows? This could be your new favorite (at least for a while).

Words to live by.
Cutting the cigar
Cigar in hand, you’ll be pointed toward the cutting station or your cigartender will ask you how you’d like it cut. What she means: straight cut, V-cut, or punch. You probably don’t have a preference, so just go with the straight cut for now. You can figure out your favorite in future visits.

Lighting the cigar
Lighting a cigar is nothing short of a process, a procedure, a preamble to a long, relaxing hour or more. Go here for the fastest,no-nonsense how-to ever. Or… ask for a tutorial, paying close attention to the way she sets the cigar aflame.

Never never never forget: Don't inhale.

Settling in and maintaining the cigar
You’re chatting with new, cigar-smoking friends. You take a puff and…nothing. The bastard’s gone out. Yeah, it happens. Borrow the house lighter again. Flame + puff = you’re back in business. And don’t worry: You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes a cigar shrugs and gives up the ghost.

Making friends
So you’re there, you’re comfortable, and you’re chatting. We have to go, but you’re in good hands. If you need advice, a suggestion of another cigar, or anything else, the folks in the cigar lounge are great people. They’ll give you a hand; buy them a drink as thanks.

We’ll catch you next time!
*Like our SuperFriend Brian. Hi Brian!
**They aren’t. We promise.
***If your tastebuds have nuts. Otherwise, this is a dang good metaphor.

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