Just because it's on a Top 10 list doesn't mean it's right for you. Plus! The Lego Movie obsession begins!

Once, after we'd seen a movie together, a friend asked whether I liked it. I said I did, and she just stared at me. "Do you like every movie you see?"  And I thought about it as I looked for my keys on the theater floor. (I don't think I'm alone in saying I'd rather leave the keys and the car behind than actually touch a movie theater floor.) I found the keys before I found the answer to the question: Do I like every movie I see?

After I found my keys.

That was a hundred umpity years ago and I still think about that. No, not the horror of touching the floor, which actually happened. ::shudder::

I mean, do I like every movie I see? Like whole heartedly and completely? No. That is reserved for a handful of films. (Newest addition to the list? The Lego Movie!*)

Everything about this movie is awesome!

So as I look at the top ten/25/whatever lists of cigars that have popped up in the last couple of weeks, I think about all the smokiness we've experienced over the past year. There were a couple that didn't hold up to the hype, in our humble opinions, but that doesn't mean there weren't good elements.

Here's a funny aside, one too big for a sparkle. (This is a sparkle --> *) I looked at a most popular movies from 1990-1999 list, searching for a perfect example to prove my point, that there's generally something good about each film. I started to go down the list:

"Andy Dufresne - who crawled through
a river of shit and came out clean on the other side." Shawshank Redemption--
well that was great for every reason.  [source] 

"Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you,
I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!"
Pulp Fiction...okay, that one's perfect completely and totally.
[source] 

"Aahhhhh!"
Jurassic Park...I don't love that one because dinosaurs aren't my thing,
but that's not a criticism; this is a perfectly told story
with the right amount of humor, action, imagery, special effects...**
[source]

"Ahhhhhhh!"
Okay, Titanic. Visually stunning. Well acted.
But the melodrama thing bothers me. Plus! Why didn't she share the door?

 

Mythbusters said it would have been just fine, the two of them
on that door. And they used science to figure that out.
 But still, I can't say it was a bad movie...even though it wasn't for me.
So would it go on any Top Whatever lists in Penny World?
Would I want to see it again? God no. Once in the theater
and once many years later to see if I still felt the same (yes) were enough for me.
[source]

Just like I will watch a movie all the way through, even if I'm not loving it, Valentino will smoke a cigar all the way through. If you know even the slightest bit about cigars, you'll understand that the end of the cigar adventure is much different from the beginning. Michael Herklots referenced this idea the other night at the Nat Sherman Epoca component demonstration.

Valentino won't put a cigar down
even if he's with astronauts fighting aliens.
Or he's Wolverine. [source]

Anyway, could I put together a Top Ten? I don't think so. Not until the parameters are created, analyzed, refined, and then thrown out the window when we discover that was a stupid idea. We expect this could occur during a Family Guy commercial break. After all, our idea of best is not your idea of best, and our tastes are probably way off from yours. And even if I could, or we could, it's our own list. Maybe you LIKE melodrama and sappiness. Nothing wrong with that!

As a matter of fact, even as a duo, sometimes we don't agree. Hard to believe, but true. Just the other night, Valentino smoked one of those shiny, sparkly new cigars that have been hyped to the hilt. The smoke, she was delicious. Every time he exhaled in a direction other than mine, I punched him. I paid for the damn thing (I was quicker with the American Express); please let me have the second hand smoke.

But about halfway through, he started making a face and drinking much more than he had been, like you do when a aspirin gets stuck on the back of your tongue, as if you're trying to drink away not only the taste, but the memory of the taste.



Valentino's reaction when the cigar turned on him. [source]

"This has a bad aftertaste. Like kerosene."

No, I had not tried to off him by way of an exploding cigar.***

I couldn't get this sense, obviously, since I wasn't using my superior tasting ability.  I continued to enjoy it, although not nearly as much, since he was making some seriously funny faces. So, enjoying it, but differently.

Can I understand why this cigar made some of the lists? Absolutely. And he probably would have too--at first. We have another, purchased at a different location, that we're going to light up in a few days just to see if maybe the problem is with the cigar or the place (shop) it was stored.

Similarly, when the Two Cabelleros are together, and smoking the same cigar, inevitably one will love it and the other will like it just fine or not like it at all. Know why? Because even though they share a brain in many ways, their parietal**** lobes are as unique as snowflakes. (And both men are as delicate as snowflakes, too.*****)

But not all cigars are awesome. For realz. [source]

So I don't think I could put together a list. I like different things about different cigars, as does he. As do you, for sure.

Because I am old and wise, you should listen to my advice: The lists are fine and you should definitely try the stuff on them. But there's nothing wrong with you if you don't like something someone found list-worthy.  If you're new to cigars, use the lists as a jumping off point if you'd like, but figure out what you like about those you do and seek out those elements in other cigars. Your local tobacconist or lounge owner will be able to help you out.

Or we can! Tell us what you like and we'll point you in that direction. We're nice like that.  And in the meantime, go watch the Lego Movie. Then we can talk about how awesome it is. I could talk about it for days--and Valentino is sick of listening to me go on and on.

[source]

*Which displaced Smokey and the Bandit from the top spot.

**Do you remember when brainless...er, people? were OUTRAGED about this picture?

I saved this on the laptop under the title "morons." [source]

***Although hmmm...Then the Padron 50th Anniversary humidor would be mine! All mine!******

****That's the lobe associated with taste

*****Hahahahaha

******Never mind. I'd really miss him.

::facepalm:: Cigar-cutting edition

[source]

We watched in horror as the young man tucked the cigar deep into the cutter and...

Let me back up. You should experience the event with the same shock and awe we did.

There we were, Valentino and I, sitting at the bar drinking ginger ale and water* and chatting with pals. Two very young guys came into the cigar lounge and bought a few cigars. (They weren't picky in their selections.) They asked to purchase a cutter too, although when told the cheapest would run them about $30, they changed their minds.

Valentino suggested they take them out of the cello, cut them, and put them back. He offered up his awesome** cutter. The poor young man looked at it, perplexed. And who can blame him? It looks like this:

What the what? Where does the cigar go? [source]

Valentino very nicely reached over and made it into a dilophosaurus when it opens its frill***:

No, it doesn't magically turn wood into carbon fiber.
This is for demonstration purposes only! [source]

And he handed it back to the young man, who proceeded to do this:

[source]

We held our collective breath and hoped, hoped, hoped he didn't actually squeeze and make the cut here.  The poor guy must have heard our very audible gasps, because he pulled back a bit. It wasn't perfect, but he would up cutting a little closer to this:

[source]

I hate being corrected in public**** so there's no way I can ever say the stuff in my head, which usually begins with, "Oh, honey, no..."

Thankfully, these two guys got out with the majority of their cigars intact, so yay!

You're welcome! [source]

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out a way to correct folks without seeming to be correcting them or coming off like Sassy McBossypants, so if you have any suggestions...


*Cheap date. We're still really good tippers though!

**Awesome because I bought it. And had it monogrammed, because I am awesome x 2. And that was years and years ago!

***Gah!!!


[source]

****Although how often can it actually happen, since I am practically perfect in every way. Stop laughing. Oh, right, that was Mary Poppins, not me.

Obvs, not me.

How to not be a douchebag: Outdoor kiosk edition

There we were, sitting in the open-air piazza at Regina Pizzeria during the St. Anthony's feast in the North end of Boston at the end of August. 

Know why this picture is so good?
Because Valentino took it.

We'd ordered our two favorite pies (We're creatures of habit.) and had a lovely view of alllllll the people milling by and our old friends Rolling Stogies and their lovely sticks while consuming as many slices of pizza as two people can handle and not die.*

Our seats were the perfect vantage point to watch people who have never smoked a cigar choose one and then fumble around, trying to figure out what to do next. We would have gotten up and offered assistance, because we're nice like that, but we didn't because 1. We waited in line for half an hour for those seats and we were going to sit in them until we were forcably removed or melted by glaring stares of other people waiting in line; and 2. Pizza.

Here's what we saw, as the next generation of cigar smokers tried to impress friends and girlfriends. We had the sad and did much head shaking. 

If you want to look like a suave, experienced cigar smoker, please learn from their mistakes.

Step 1: Consult your friends and say the names of the few cigars you've heard of. Ask if the proprietor has those.  
What you should do: Right now, go to a local cigar shop or lounge, and ask the proprietor for recommendations; be sure to tell him** you're a novice. He will not judge you. He will welcome you. Take pictures of the bands and keep them in your phone, as well as make note of some of the names. No one will know you're you're using a cheat sheet when you approach the cigar kiosk with your friends. 

Step 1.5: Mention that you wouldn't mind buying a Cuban if he has any. 
What you should do: Don't ask. Even if he did have them, which he doesn't, he wouldn't sell them to you. 

Step 1.75: Dodge laser beams of hate radiating from proprietor's eyes. 
What you should do: Not have to worry about it, because you didn't ask.

Step 2: Ignore what the proprietor says because that cigar band over there looks cool. (No judgements; I buy books because they have cool covers.)
What you should do: Listen to the person speaking to you. He is an expert, or at least more of an expert than you are. Respect his knowledge. His goal is to sell you something you're going to like so you come back for more. 

Step 3: Select one cigar randomly and ask "Is this a good one?"
What you should do: Just like with food, everyone has their own taste. What Valentino loves, you might not because of the strength or taste or nicotine level. That doesn't make the cigar bad--just not right for you. So is it a good one? Yes--selling junk would hurt the shop's reputation. As for the Rolling Stogies, they only have premium cigars, so yes, they're all "good ones."

Step 4: Ignore proprietor again because your friend makes an uneducated suggestion. 
What you should do: Unless your friend has experience with cigars, you probably want to ignore him and listen to the person who knows what he's talking about. Probably a good suggestion across the board. 

"We're professionals. We're here to help!"

Step 5: Ask how much it is. 
What you should do: A valid question, of course. Usually, prices are marked.  If price is a concern, you might want to say when you first start chatting, "I'm looking for something in the $8 range." 

Step 6: When you're told the price, say, "What? For one? That's ridiculous. Forget it, man."
What you should do: If you are shocked, balk silently so as to not embarrass yourself in front of your friends. Please. It's the least you can do. Cigar smokers do not quibble over prices. You're paying for a hand-rolled product. Don't be a cheap bastard.  

Step 7: Have a dumbfounded look on your face when they ask if you'd like it cut straight, V, or punched. 
What you should do: For the love of all that is good and holy, do not suggest biting the end off. If you're not sure, default to straight. This will make smoking a bit easier. When you get some experience, you can experiment with different cuts. 

Step 7.5: Say you'll cut it and then when you're handed the cutter, slide the cutter about half an inch. 
What you should do: You have two choices here. 1. Hand the cigar to the proprietor when he offers and watch how he does it so you know for next time. Or: 2. Snip a teeny bit, and when we say teeny, we mean about one-sixteenth of an inch. According to Cigar Aficionado, a bad cut will ruin a cigar, so it's probably best, in this casual setting where distractions abound, to leave it to the professional. 

Step 8: Ask for matches and then try to light a cigar with said matches. 
What you should do: Unfortunately for you and the cigar, lighting a cigar with matches is difficult in general but definitely in this wind. We know you want to do it old school, but reject the challenge and use the proprietor's torch lighter he has at the ready.  If you're inside, go for it, but outside...meh. Your friends are only going to wait so long.

That's Mike (the Rolling Stogies owner), a good student,
and a slew of onlookers getting schooled.
Why is this weirdly blurry, you ask?
Sigh. Photography by Penny

Step 9: Puff once or twice because you saw someone on TV do that, feel satisfied and smug and walk away cockily. Realize twenty feet away that the cigar is out. 
What you should do: Lighting a cigar is a process that can't be rushed, like toasting a marshmallow, according to Cigar Aficionado. If your friends won't wait for you to complete the process because they light their cigs in a nanosecond, tell them you'll catch up with them. Otherwise you're going to be stuck with a dead stick pronto. 

Step 10: Hold your cigar with two fingers (pointer and thumb) while looking at the sky. Inhale. Raise your arm towards the sky and the arc it down like you're rowing a canoe. Blow the smoke straight up like you're a human smokestack. 
What you should do: Not that. Since we can't be there, we're going to suggest at this point, watch how the guys in the Rolling Stogies tent are smoking their cigars. 



[source]

So there you have it. We want you to look like a classy dude (or dudette). We want you to be the one folks look up to! We can help! Stick with us and we'll get you there!!



*Actually, Valentino saved a teeny tiny bit of room because our friend Omar was across the way shucking clams for immediate consumption as well. Then there was an arancini with my name on it too. It's always a big food day. Wheeeeee!

**Or her, obviously, but the he/she thing will clutter the writing. 

Words You Should Know #2: Vitola

No, not this:

(It's a victrola) [source]

Or this guy:

(It's Vitruvius. He was known to be a hard-head. Authors generally are.) [source]

Or even this guy:

(It's Vito Corleone.) (He is too a real person!)
 

Instead, I give you this:

[source]

"Whaaa?" You're asking as you freak out from sensory overload. Calm down, calm down.

Here's the dealio: Vitola is the unique measurements of a particular cigar. That's all. A Lonsdale is always a Lonsdale, regardless of who makes it--It will be 6.5" long and a ring size of 42. You'll see it listed as 6.5 x 42. Same thing with the salomon (5.8 x 56). Or the torpedo (6.5 x 52). (You knew I was going to choose the wacky shapes, right?)

Not sure what the ring size* is all about? A ring is 1/64 of an inch in diameter. So that Lonsdale 42 ring size means the diameter is 42/64. So what does that matter? Bigger the better, right? Err...maybe? Not really? Depends on what you like.

The general rule is the thicker (higher ring gauge number), the cooler the smoke, which means you'll get a hotter burn with the smaller ring gauge.

Also, the ratio of wrapper to filler is significantly different--higher ring gauge, more filler so the wrapper plays a smaller, but still important role. Smaller ring gauge means the wrapper will account for more flavor in the smoke and less variation in the filler.

I know! It's more interesting than victrolas and Vitruvius! Even Vitruvius playing a victrola! (But nothing is more interesting than Vito Corleone, of course!)

Oh, there's lots and lots more to learn, but let's stop here for the day, okay?**


* If you're a fan of comedian Brian Regan, you might know this as a girth unit.

**There's really no need for more sparkles, but I feel like I owe it to you.***

***Three is better!

Close, but no cigar. Or: Please don't sniff the cello

Valentino and I frequently hold Battle of the Mediterranean.*

[source]

In his corner: Italy, from whence come sauces and spices and flavor and deliciousness in all forms (mostly).**

[source]

In my corner: Portugal, from whence comes chourico. Apparently other things too, but 1. My Portuguese is watered down with English and Irish and 2. My Portuguese people are not fans of spices or flavor. Five or so years ago, when my son (who is 26? 27? Math is hard.) had his first meal at Valentino's house, his face lit up with his first bite. "Mom," he said, "This food has flavor!"

One of our favorite things to do in the summer is head to Boston to the Italian festivals and eat and smoke (him) and second-hand smoke (me) cigars and talk to people and all the other fun things that happen when you're part of the "family." How cool that we'd be able to do that with the Portuguese folks! And the Feast of the Blessed Sacrament in New Bedford, MA had just started! And we were close!

His thought bubble screamed his intentions, which, actually, they usually do. This time: Roam around the Portuguese feast and eat all the foods and smoke a cigar.

Except.

No cigar. He left the house with cutter and lighter. And not one cigar.

But food! I got excited about Valentino trying cacoila and malassadas***: the food of my people. He was not impressed with the savory (except for the chourico, everything was pretty bland), but really liked the sweet.****

As we walked around, full but kinda unsatisfied, we happened upon Rolling Stogies. Know what that meant? Cigars! We'd met up with these folks at the Boston festivals over the past few years, and we chatted with them while deciding the perfect stick for the Blessed Sacrament--something sweet and creamy to offset the spiciness in the air (although not in the food).

The Nub Connecticut won, in case you were wondering.
[source]

While we were chatting and choosing, this thing happened.  In fact, this thing happens a lot, but I've never been this close to the horror before.

As Valentino chatted, I watched a guy in his 30s look around, obviously unfamiliar with even the basics of the cigar culture. You know how when you're watching a child, you're always unsure whether to step in or let them make their own mistakes and learn from them? That was me.

I stood back, watching this guy as he picked up the cigar, sniffed it through the cello, said, "Hmmm. That's nice." Then he held it out to his lady friend. She sniffed and made appreciative noises as well.

[source]

As unsatisfying as sniffing a premium cigar through its cello wrapper, the Feast of the Blessed Sacrament left Valentino longing for his Italian festivals in Boston's North End.  See you soon, Fisherman's Feast and St. Anthony! (And yes, that does mean that he wins this round. And no, I'm not telling you what he wins.)


*Different from Battle of the Culinary Schools. I know it's hard to keep up, since food is involved in both. And pretty much everything else we do.

**Except desserts. No offense, but his people do not do sugar and/or dessert well.******

***Which he decided to call "Miley Cyrus" and now, my people weep.

****Because my people know the sweet stuff.

*****Cheese is not a dessert.

The Song of Salomon or: Penny in a Grown-up Penny-Candy Store

I like stuff that's a little off.

But before I go any further, let's say "Hello!" to my parents' dog, Baxter. He has nothing to do with the rest of this post, but I was just thinking about how cool he is.*

He's about twice this size now. They're going to need a bigger boat, er, back porch landing.

Okay, so, when I say "off," I mean non-symmetrical or just a little out of the ordinary.

Valentino, of course, is the complete opposite. When I arrange pillows on the couch, I put three on one side and one on the other. Next time I pass through the room, They're two and two.**

Yesterday we went to our favorite cigar shop, Mr. J's Havana in West Warwick, RI. One of the guys hanging around said checking out all the choices was just like being a kid in a penny candy store.  Definitely. By the way, I didn't mean to leave nose prints on the glass display cases, but if you happen to see any there, they might be mine.  (Sorry!)

In a sea of parejos, also known as coronas--the more traditional stick shape--I'm immediately drawn to the figurados, irregularly-shaped cigars. You know, not the traditional cigar. Not ordinary. Off-kilter.

About them, Cigar Aficionado says, "Although the majority of cigars are parejos, a growing number of cigar companies are broadening their portfolios with more creatively shaped smokes. These cigars are called figurados, and they include any cigar that is not a straight-sided cylinder."

Just some of the cool shapes. [source]

Yesterday at the shop, we made off with, among other things, (thanks to American Express), a few '64 Padron Pyramid naturals (to keep the maduros in the humidor company). Plus, we've always always always been fans of the '64 Padron torpedo...***

Really, you can't go wrong with any of these--but aren't the figuerados just a leeeeetle bit cooler?

I'd hoped to lay my hands on these LFD Mysterioso perfectos, but they were out.  Anyone know where I can get my grubby mitts on some? Also, if you happen to come in contact with any awesome cigars that fall into this wackily-fun category, please let me know!

Waaaaant... [source]

And then we saw these LFD salomons (below) from last year, ready to purchase, but The Powers that Be didn't know the price yet, so we left without them. But we'll be back!

Maybe it's the box that appeals to me so. Am I that shallow? Maybe...

I could go on and on about cigar shapes, and be sure I will sometime soon, but right now I have to go plan a college course that begins...in six hours. (Oops.) Shhh. It's not like I waited until the last minute!

Okay, then I saved this fine piece of writing and forgot to actually share it with you and then! And then! Yesterday (the real yesterday, not the fake one earlier in the post), this popped up in my email: "Cigar News: La Flor Dominicana Salomones Return for 2014 (Cigar Preview)."

I'm feeling very prescient. Maybe I should play the lottery! [source]

In case you don't know, the Salomon is a large cigar "tapered at both ends and often finished with a nipple [ed note: heh heh] foot. Larger than a perfecto and smaller than a diadema,**** it is a difficult size to produce, requiring an uncommon skill level and about twice the rolling time of a normal parejo-style cigar. Usually, only a handful of factory rollers are qualified to make them, and in Cuba, most are made without molds," according to Cigar Aficionado's article "The Big Beauty in Cigar Shops--the Salomon."

More, please.

Just in case you're shopping for a certain someone's birthday, which happens to be August 23, he loves loves loves the Gurkha Beauty Salomon.  Here are the deets, according to Cigar.com: "A 7-year-aged Ecuadorian Connecticut wrapper with a medium-bodied array of premium Honduran long leaves aged at least five years. An amazing character presents smooth, toasty flavors throughout." 

We're probably heading back to Mr. J's later today for some awesome sticks and something new that just hit the market--that I swear I'll tell you about soon!


*Actually, Baxter is out of the ordinary as well. He's big and floppy and uncommonly friendly. And his pedigree is as pure as the finest cigars. In case you were wondering, he's a Bernese Mountain Dog.

**When I met him, all his cigars were parejos. And now? Figurados abound!!

***Know what's funny? I've bought boxes and boxes of cigars over the years, and I've never bought a box of Padrons. Huh. Luckily, someone has a birthday coming up!

****"Diadema cigars are a large cigar, typically 8.5 inches in length with a ring gauge of 60.

They are pyramid shaped and have a full strength and full flavour." [source]

The Case of the Mashed and Mangled Nub

While off at Man Camp* to play in a golf tournament** a couple weeks ago, Valentino shared cigars with some of the guys, who aren't as stick savvy as he.  One man, who shall remain nameless because I don't recall his name, received a Nub.

"He wanted something that was not very strong, so I gave him a Nub Connecticut wrapper. He lit it up and enjoyed it."  Apparently, the dinner bell sounded*** and the nameless man said, "I'm not going to smoke it all right now."

"I said, 'Okay,' and we went in for parmesan cheese wrapped in prosciutto, homemade spaghetti and tomato sauce, garlic bread, and Caesar salad.

"When we came back out, I said, 'What the fuck happened to this cigar?' The whole end was mangled. It looked like a cartoon gun that had exploded. It had the shape of a blunderbuss."

"I stubbed it out," the man said. And then Valentino's head exploded.

Eva is very, very angry at the man for destroying the Nub. She will make him pay.

One of the things novice cigar smokers don't know (but we all do, of course) is that we don't mash the cigar's foot into the ashtray/railing/dirt/bottom of your boot/whatever. We let them gently go to sleep, burning themselves out, until it's time to awaken them. With fire. Bwah hahahaha. Of course, watching the destruction pains the heart and soul. You might even get out a "Noooooo..." as it happens. But alas...it is no more.

Of course, if you're going to be leaving it for a while, for example if you're going to eat a gourmet dinner in the middle of the woods, then play poker, and then drink one or a hundred tequila shots, you should probably take a couple of steps before returning the abandoned soul to its rightful place--your face. (Unless, of course, a bear has made off with your premium cigar, in which case I say, "Godspeed, Gentle Ben!")

I can't find a photo of a mangled Nub,
so please enjoy this serene picture of the little fella before destruction.

So here's what you should do so you're not sucking in old smoke. Nothing will turn you off cigars more than a big old whiff of gross. (Actually, that can be applied to many things in life. ::shudder::)

1. Pick up the cigar and scrape off all the ash--anything that has been burnt; think of it as anything that looks like charcoal, the black and grey ashes. You may want to use a flat tool, like a pipe tool (although he uses a screwdriver when he's smoking outside. I know, I know. Classy. Sorry girls, he's all mine.)
2. Heat up the foot again and blow through the cigar for five-to-ten seconds to burn off the tars that have built up. Sparks will fly out the end. Don't worry. You're eliminating old gasses and/or resin. That does not sound like anything I'd like to taste.
3. Light it up and enjoy! It may be stronger than when you first started, but that's okay! It's still a great stick!

Except that old cigar taste. Even butter can't fix that.

"I'm not giving him any more cigars," Valentino says, still shuddering at the experience.

I nod and say, "Uh huh," the way supportive partners do.

"But of course I did, because he was my cart partner."

I'd expect nothing less.****



*Doesn't this conjure up images of a rustic setting, maybe the bare-bones of accommodations? Hahahaha. Air conditioning, cable TV, three refrigerators, two stoves, sleeps 16 in real beds...yeah, you get the drift. "Camp" is a misnomer, obviously, but we pretend.

**His team came in second!

***And by "dinner bell," I mean delicious gourmet scents wafting out onto the large porch.

****I meant to write this post about Nubs, and then it got away from me. I'll try again tomorrow!

An Anatomy Lesson

Say you took a cigar apart--although the rest of us would be standing over you, saying, "What exactly do you think you're doing?" But anyway, say you had a cigar, and you decided to take it apart because you just HAD to see how it was made.

Let me just tell you, and that will keep us all from mourning the loss of a perfectly good cigar, okay? Okay!

[source]

Here's another view:

[source]

If you want to sound super fancy at your next cocktail party, you can let some of this info slip (as long as the group is talking about cigars; don't be socially awkward like me and just spit out random facts):

Wrappers determine a lot of the cigar's flavor and character and folks general describe the cigar by the color of the wrapper. One major MAJOR misconception about cigars is that the darker the cigar, the stronger the cigar. No, no, no. Don't judge the book by the cover. (Unless you're judging my books; they have great covers--they have great innerds.)

Binders are wrappers that are rejected because they just aren't good enough. Kind of like that cozy t-shirt you put on but then have to cover with a nicer shirt. Poor cozy t-shirt. Poor binder, the leaves of which are elasticy (elasticish?) because they need to hold everything (the filler) together. Like Spanx.*

Filler/Blend are the innerds that determine how strong the cigar will be. There's much more to it than this, but let's start with the basics, okay? (Remember: Cocktail party fodder for now.) When I was first learning about this, from the great Michael Herklotz of Nat Sherman, my head was spinning from all the info. (I swear it had nothing to do with the sangria.)

• Volado--Taken from the bottom of the plant, with minimum flavor
• Seco--Taken from the middle of the plant, with light flavor
• Ligero--Taken from the upper leaves exposed to the most sunlight, the fullest flavor and strength.

Stay tuned for more necessary filler info among other awesome stuff (not filler filler, although that is funny to say). Search the Cigars 101 tag if you're all about the learning.


*(For all the men who have unexpectedly encountered Spanx during activities and are shaking their heads: We're sorry, but sometimes we need to hold everything together, just like the binder contains the filler. it's not sexy, but necessary. Does that help ease the horror?)