An explosion of awesome!

"I should buy those," I said, although I pretty much say that daily about a variety of cigars.

[source]

Sometimes I actually buy them. Sometimes I don't--for a variety of reasons, including I forgot about it or was distracted by something else. (Dust motes? Possibly. Ginger ale bubbles? Maybe. Another episode of Archer? Always.)

The world stops when this is on,
regardless of the time or prior commitments.

Thankfully, sometimes Facebook is an awesome secretary. Pal Barry Stein (Hi Barry!) of Two Guys SmokeShop in New Hampshire told us (okay, told the Facebook world) about the TatuajeM80.  Unless you're new to the blog,* you know Valentino and I love love love almost anything limited edition or hard-to-find. Plus...Tatuaje, so....

Barry's a wily bugger.  First, he said, "Hey, we have these. They're made for us and only us!"** and later, "Only xx boxes left!" And then "Really, they're almost gone!"

 

One morning, I was lying in bed, procrastinating getting up because mornings can be assholes. I flipped through Facebook and there was Barry again. His message pretty much said, "For reals. This is it. They're going to be gone in nanoseconds!"

I started filling out the info, squinting because my glasses were out of reach, and hoping the system held my credit card info from the last purchase.  Nope. Maybe they take PayPal? Nope.  I didn't want to get up. Nope. Not for anything.

Dammit. I could wait and finish the order when/if I got up. It's not like they'd sell out, right?

But what if they did and I missed out due to pure laziness? That would be sucktacular every time someone splashed a picture of the M80 mid-smoke.

I trounced, no shambled, no, stumbled down the stairs for my wallet and card, entered the requisite info, and hit Submit Order, all the while holding my breath.

Shortly afterwards, Barry posted Two Guys had sold out. I happily wrote "I got mine!" while feeling a little giddy, as if I'd just been accepted into the cool kids club. He told me I got the next-to-last box.

I headed back to bed, but that ship had pretty much sailed. You can't and shouldn't interrupt laziness with productivity. That's just stupid and I know better, but I did it, all for the love of the leaf. (See what I did there? Said the name of the blog in the blog?)

I kind of forgot about them as I scurried around in preparation*** of Valentino's return from a week-long golf trip.

 

 

Then, the day of his return, a package arrived. 

"What did you buy?" he asked.

I crinkled my forehead  with perplexitude. "I have no idea."

He opened it and...

 

We decided to save them for a 4th of July party at newly-minted Caballero #3's house, which seemed apropos.

And so this happened.

 

L-R My boy, our hero, Caballero #3, and Caballero #2

"This is fucking good," Valentino said on the third puff of this 4 x 50 with an Ecuador Habano Oscuro wrapper and Nicaraguan binder and filler. He waited that long to tell me because I was noticeably absent during the first two.****

 

Some guy at the party said, "I'm going to have to have to get some of those."

 

None for you!
(Unless you already have them, of course.)

 

"No," our hero said, a wee bit smugly. "You can only get those at one place and they're sold out. Penny got one of the last boxes."

I'll admit a bit of smugness as well. Yay me! Yay American Express!

Of course this means he's going to ration these to the point where he won't actually smoke them. And now I'm mad I didn't get the last two boxes. When am I ever going to learn?

As I'm sitting here writing this, I remembered that I currently have a box of LFD Firecrackers, also only available at Two Guys, in that shop's online shopping basket. Letting those go because of cupcakes and words would be a shame, so I hit SAVE on this very blog post, and ordered them. What are the chances I'm going to remember that I ordered them? Not very good, if you must know.*****

But when they do arrive, you'll be the first to know. Well, not first. But as far as you know, you'll be the first.

Will misunderstood our M80 discussion.

 

 

*In which case, HELLO! how are you? You look very pretty today.

**Paraphrase

***Cleaning, but not that "everything is messy and he's going to flip if I don't do it," but instead, "Crap, I have seven pieces of paper randomly strewn on the counter and the vacuum lines have disappeared from the carpet" clean. But still, it was making me crazy.

****there were CUPCAKES that needed to be eaten and I take that job seriously.

*****However, I CAN remember that John Lennon died in 1980, even though I never really paid much attention to him or his music at that point. Also, Sammy Davis Jr. and Jim Henson died on the same day. (There are people sitting near me talking about celebrities and when they died. These two fun facts popped into my head during their convo.  Because I am socially awkward, I kept these thoughts to myself and my nose in my iPad.)

 

5 things about... Smoking multiple cigars in one outing

Maybe you're a cigar-a-day kind of smoker. Or cigar-a-week fella. Or a whenever-I-get-a-damn-moment-to-myself smoker. But remember that time you herfed all day and wanted to barf your guts up afterwards? Or some of your faves weren't so fave during the run. Check out these five things that may make those situations better:

You say "Eff you and your stupid rules, Penny." That's totally fine and when you return to admit defeat, we'll try not to look too smug.  Try. 

 

5. Start your day's smoking feast with a light cigar to awaken your palette. If you prefer starting with a metaphorical gut punch, that's fine, but when you shift to that milder cigar, your taste buds will shrug and say, "That's cute, but I'm getting nothing from it."

 

4. Unless! Yes, there's an "unless." If you have a new-to-you cigar you've been coveting and finally today's the day to light that sucker up, start with this new one.

 

Imagine: A new adult beverage comes into your life. You fall instantly in love, proclaiming this your forever and always drink.

 

 

 Around the tail end of the second or the beginning of the third drink or cigar (or date, if you got the implied metaphor), you decide, Meh, maybe not that great after all. With the first drink or the new cigar, your taste buds are all, "Hey sailor, come here often?" But if they've already spent time in another taste-damaging relationship, save the new cigar for another time.

 

3. Have some food or snacks nearby--even a couple pieces of chocolate will help to kick nicotine's ass.

 

While at IPCPR (International Premium Cigar and Pipe Retailers convention) earlier this week, Valentino returned to the room clammy and shaky. The first we attribute to New Orleans' humidity index of one zillion, the second from a deceptively strong cigar he'd taken for a “quick” smoke. Upon returning, he upended the Reese's Pieces bag into his mouth. Moments later, he returned to the captivating and charming man we all know and love. Before the Reese's though? Not so much.

 

2. Don't quickly puff through premium cigars to get to the next! It's not a race, so don't do what a certain person might do (or did today) with perfectly-cooked sweet potato fries. Please don't nom-nom-nom your cigar. Remember the very essence of cigar smoking--the relaxation, reflection, and community. Don't puff like Thomas the Tank Engine.

 

Probably too many for one day.

 

1. Don't be surprised if for a few days after a cigar binge, even thinking about cigar smoking makes you throw up in your mouth. On our drive home from CigarFest this year, as Caballeros #2 and #3 continued chain-smoking, our hero abstained and (temporarily) regretted our 520 new cigars, the mention of which turned his skin a nice puce.

 

The others openly mocked him, but during a soon-after Gathering of Merry Men, one caballero casually mentioned his inability to smoke for the week following the MegaHerf. (The other is inhuman and didn't have any problems continuing his pace.)

BONUS: Some signs you've probably done too much cigar smoking in a short period of time:

• Nausea
• Sweatiness*
• Lightheadedness

Please note, these are also the signs of falling in love, so double check the number of cigars you've smoked during the day. Less than three over the course of a day but with the same feelings? You may be enmeshed in the L-word.**

 

Or you have the flu.

 

 

 

*Unless you're in New Orleans, where I'm writing this.  If you're sweating here, chances are you're human. New Orleans is motherfucking hot.

 

**The other L-word. Love, for heaven's sake.

Words of Wisdom #90: Joan Collins

[source]

"Only fine cigars are worth smoking, and only men who smoke fine cigars are worth kissing."

--Joan Collins

Where we'll be: Barnstorming...er, BarnSmokering

First of all, I can NOT get the name of this correct, so if you would all start calling this event the Barnstormer, I'd really appreciate it. K? Thanx.

 

 

So one day, while we hung at Twins Smoke Shop, an email popped up, announcing these Drew Estate tickets going on sale. Well, this isn't my first rodeo, or barn raising, or cigar event, whatever, and I knew immediate action was needed. No--required. I didn't ask Valentino if he wanted to go and sent a text to Caballero #2 but didn't wait for his response. I just bought the damn tickets, which sold out in no time.

 

So we'll be here, the three caballeros and me, hanging with the Drew Estate folk. (Apparently there will be 300+ other folks here at the barnstormer too. What? Dammit. Barn Smoker.)

 

If you didn't know, "[b]arnstormers were pilots who flew throughout the country selling airplane rides and performing stunts; Charles Lindbergh first began flying in this capacity." [source]

An actual barnstormer:
A Curtiss JN-4 "Jenny" in flight over Central Ontario c. 1918
[source]

While we won't be getting plane rides, we will be getting:

• (1) Liga Privada "A"
• (1) Liga Privada Ratzilla
• (1) Liga Privada Velvet Rat
• (1) Liga Privada No. 9
• (1) Liga Privada T52
• (1) Nica Rustica “El Brujito”
• (1) Undercrown Belicoso
• (1) ACID Toast

Apparently, the sampler pack also includes "custom Barn Smoker swag, Drew Estate matches, and more goodies."

 

Plus! A BBQ dinner! Beverages!

 

And a portion of ticket sales will be donated to Cigars For Warriors, so that's an added bonus for everyone!
 

Visit the Cigars for Warriors webpage!

Words of Wisdom #89: George Sand

[source]

"A cigar numbs sorrow and fills the solitary hours with a million gracious images." 

-- George Sand

Excellent article from the New York Times about George Sand.

5 things about... Cigar Selfies or: The 5 things comes home!*

You’ve seen no less than one million cigar selfies.** Some are fantastic; some not so much. If you’ve a penchant for selfie-ing, we think you should probably knock it off. But if you can't help yourself and will die an internet death if you don't get your picture out in the world regularly, these tips can help:

[source]

5. Head and camera angles are everything.

Try a profile or a quarter-turn of the head rather than a straight-on shot. This addition increases allure and decreases the “Look at me!” stare generally accompanying a full-face photo. Simultaneously, hold the camera a little above you. This increases your gorgeous factor by 73%.* The reasoning is surely based on physics, spacial relations, or another math-based theory. Plus, it eliminates your double chin.

*Completely fabricated statistic.

[source]

4. Where to put your stick.

When precariously perching the cigar in the center of your lips, clenching your teeth to keep it steady, and snapping the photo, you appear to be simultaneously practicing fulcrum dynamics while honing the ever-unpopular duck face.

Hold the cigar, either close to your lips or not, your choice, and smile your natural smile. Don’t attempt to look cool or badass. As in every other aspect of the cigar community, be yourself.  If you truly are cool or a badass, that will sparkle through the smoke.

[source]

3. Speaking of smoke…

Smoke part of your cigar before snapping a photo. You’ll be ready for your closeup once you’ve fully committed to the first third.

Please don’t pretend to smoke an uncut or unlit cigar. You’ll look like a poser and squash your credibility. Similarly, if you’ve barely developed an ash, don’t praise the cigar’s magnificence.

Consider:

·       Why hide behind a cumulonimbus cloud? We know cigars make smoke. The person with the most smoke doesn’t get a prize.

·       Blowing smoke out of your nose makes you resemble an angry bull. Or dragon. If that’s your intention, great! But honestly, you probably want a better picture.

 

[source]

2. Tell us more!

Whether posting on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., tell us about the cigar you're smoking—brand, size, wrapper, whatever. Or tell us where you are! Or who you’re with! Why is this cigar experience notable enough to share a picture? Make us care rather than giving us another picture to quickly scroll past.

 

[source]

 

1. Look great in other people’s pictures too!

When checking out another cigar smoker’s pics, DO NOT leave negative comments or accuse the photographer of real or imagined cigar infractions. Remember: one of the best parts of the cigar culture is community and camaraderie. Your offhand negative-sounding comment could ruin someone’s day—even if you just meant to be funny. After all, you wouldn’t want someone to ruin your great smoking memory with snark; don’t do it to someone else.

 

 

 

*The 5 things column originally ran on the iROBUSTO website. You can see all the previous "episodes" here. But we love you and with the launch of the new Love of the Leaf website, we wanted everything all Home, sweet home.

 

[source]

**Remember: If you aren't taking a picture of yourself, you aren't taking a "selfie." You know: selfie as in yourself. Sigh. This makes me cringe everytime I hear someone say, "Let me take a selfie of you!" Um, that's called a picture.

Words of Wisdom #88: G. Cabera Infante

[source]

 

"Cigarettes are for chain-smoking, cigars must be smoked one at a time, peaceably, with all the leisure in the world. Cigarettes are of the instant, cigars are for eternity." 

G. Cabera Infante, Cuban novelist 

Here's an interesting Q&A with him from The Paris Review.