Thursday, July 23, 2015

5 things about... Smoking multiple cigars in one outing



Maybe you're a cigar-a-day kind of smoker. Or cigar-a-week fella. Or a whenever-I-get-a-damn-moment-to-myself smoker. But remember that time you herfed all day and wanted to barf your guts up afterwards? Or some of your faves weren't so fave during the run. Check out these five things that may make those situations better:

You say "Eff you and your stupid rules, Penny." That's totally fine and when you return to admit defeat, we'll try not to look too smug.  Try. 
 
5. Start your day's smoking feast with a light cigar to awaken your palette. If you prefer starting with a metaphorical gut punch, that's fine, but when you shift to that milder cigar, your taste buds will shrug and say, "That's cute, but I'm getting nothing from it."
 
4. Unless! Yes, there's an "unless." If you have a new-to-you cigar you've been coveting and finally today's the day to light that sucker up, start with this new one.
 
Imagine: A new adult beverage comes into your life. You fall instantly in love, proclaiming this your forever and always drink.
 
 
 Around the tail end of the second or the beginning of the third drink or cigar (or date, if you got the implied metaphor), you decide, Meh, maybe not that great after all. With the first drink or the new cigar, your taste buds are all, "Hey sailor, come here often?" But if they've already spent time in another taste-damaging relationship, save the new cigar for another time.
 
3. Have some food or snacks nearby--even a couple pieces of chocolate will help to kick nicotine's ass.
 
While at IPCPR (International Premium Cigar and Pipe Retailers convention) earlier this week, Valentino returned to the room clammy and shaky. The first we attribute to New Orleans' humidity index of one zillion, the second from a deceptively strong cigar he'd taken for a “quick” smoke. Upon returning, he upended the Reese's Pieces bag into his mouth. Moments later, he returned to the captivating and charming man we all know and love. Before the Reese's though? Not so much.
 
2. Don't quickly puff through premium cigars to get to the next! It's not a race, so don't do what a certain person might do (or did today) with perfectly-cooked sweet potato fries. Please don't nom-nom-nom your cigar. Remember the very essence of cigar smoking--the relaxation, reflection, and community. Don't puff like Thomas the Tank Engine.
 
Probably too many for one day.
 
1. Don't be surprised if for a few days after a cigar binge, even thinking about cigar smoking makes you throw up in your mouth. On our drive home from CigarFest this year, as Caballeros #2 and #3 continued chain-smoking, our hero abstained and (temporarily) regretted our 520 new cigars, the mention of which turned his skin a nice puce.
 
The others openly mocked him, but during a soon-after Gathering of Merry Men, one caballero casually mentioned his inability to smoke for the week following the MegaHerf. (The other is inhuman and didn't have any problems continuing his pace.)

BONUS: Some signs you've probably done too much cigar smoking in a short period of time:
  • Nausea
  • Sweatiness*
  • Lightheadedness
Please note, these are also the signs of falling in love, so double check the number of cigars you've smoked during the day. Less than three over the course of a day but with the same feelings? You may be enmeshed in the L-word.**
 
Or you have the flu.
 
 
 
*Unless you're in New Orleans, where I'm writing this.  If you're sweating here, chances are you're human. New Orleans is motherfucking hot.
 
**The other L-word. Love, for heaven's sake.

1 comment:

  1. way to go Penny, all counts are true, sooo funny.

    ReplyDelete

Looking for something special? Search the blog