"A fine cigar is like a fine woman. They come in all shapes and sizes.
Treat them tenderly and lovingly.
Caress their skin, admire their beauty, fondle them with reverence.
Bring them slowly to your lips, enjoy their flavor, their aroma.
Contemplate their essence, their dependability, and forgive them their weaknesses - if there be any.
Revel in the rituals, their simplicity and their enduring meanings.
Do these things, my son, and the blessings of life shall always be upon you."
-Prince Sined Yar Maharg
NOTE: I've been holding on to this quotation for ages. While I love it (and others by the same man), I was unwilling to share until I found out who Prince Sined Yar Maharg actually was. After what feels like days of searching (off and on, not continuous days), I've given up. The only references I can find say "Prince Sined Yar Maharg of famed Xanadu."
All his quotations are too modern for him to be from Xanadu (Shangdu), China, the summer capital of Kublai Khan's Yuan empire.
Perhaps from Coleridge's poem about Xanadu? Nope.
The bright feature on the surface of Saturn's moon Titan? Hope not.
Any of the many homes and malls named Xanadu? ::shakes head::
The Olivia Newton John movie? Oh god I hope not.
The video game? I wouldn't know, but probably not.
A few famous Mahargs lurk on the internet, most notably Billy Marharg, who was involved in the 1919 Chicago Black Sox Scandal.
But did you know Sined Yar Maharg spelled backwards is Denis Ray Graham? Oh jeez. I quit. Enjoy the quotation.