In the last week or so, you pretty much got nothing from us.
Not. A. Thing.
I'd say I'm sorry, but believe it or not, I wasn't lying on the couch ignoring you! (Not this time, anyway.)
First, these folks visited for ten-ish days:
Holly and my boy.
They brought this little bugger, who I am SURE is always plotting my death or hatching a plan to run away even while he's surrounded by people in a locked house. Or both, actually. Simultaneously. He's THAT smart.
Note how one eye looks at you and one eye looks through you.
So we shenaniganned while they were here and writing fell by the wayside--case in point, it took me no less than 100,000 hours to write this.
Also, Valentino and I planned a 50th Anniversary party for these two crazy kids:
Dad and Mum before they were Dad and Mum.
Mum and Dad + 50 years
Valentino and I researched the foods from the '60s and '70s and created an era-specific spread for a casual luncheon, which included, as required by law, fondue and Watergate* salad. And, of course, we served punch in the supercool punch bowl they received as a wedding gift.
*Best. Food. Ever. Pistachio pudding mix, cool whip, and pineapples. (Also, pecans, but I think it's better without them.) It turns my favorite color. Win-win!
Once upon a time, Valentino and I had a few small humidors spattered around the house, holding a respectable amount of cigars. Somehow, we worked our way up to seven stuffed desktop humidors. At that point, we had two choices:
Stop buying cigars (hahahaha. As if.)
Get ourselves a stand-up humidor
We obviously chose door #2.
That 2,000-count humidor filled itself up quite nicely and right quick. We needed another.
We ordered another. It arrived and...
...we nestled it into Casa Awesome. Then, we went outside and when we returned to joyous central air, we found that second 2,000-count humidor full.* Sigh.
Recently, SuperFriend Kurt Kendall, created the most gorgeous shop, humidor, and lounge when he (literally) moved Twins Smoke Shop to new digs. As a result of that relocation, a few display humidors were stranded at the old place. Because we are generous souls, we and Caballero #2 offered to adopt them. Commence negotiations, mayhem, and shenanigans, because that's how we roll.
Bonus points to me for this killer segue: The three caballeros and I hopped** into the HerfMobile and rolled our way to aforementioned humidors.***
Many of you have seen this truck at various (understatement) cigar events.
After a quick trip to Dunkin Donuts for people-fuel, I said, "You're probably wondering why I brought you all here," while stuffing a jelly munchkin into my mouth, so it sounded like "Gru prablay worworworing un brut un uh he." I wiped the powdered sugar from my fingers right onto my jeans**** and handed each of boys one of these:
As I bossily thrust the medium red-banded torpedos into their faces, Caballero #2 said, "Hey, this is a Tatuaje. Yum. Which one is it?" (Usually he can identify a cigar at a zillion paces, but in his defense, he wascharged with navigating through outer-Boston traffic.)
Always afraid of upsetting my epic-level nerdiness and conveying incorrect information, I consulted the mighty internets for cigar details. (Hahahaha. I could barely write that without laughing so hard Diet Coke came out of my nose!) Anyway, thanks to the folks at Cigar Coop for the info (unless otherwise noted), here's the dealio on why the fab Tatuaje Havana VI Artistas is so named:
The cigar is made in traditional Cuban “Havana” style, complete with a "beautiful Cuban triple cap," according to the Tatuaje website.
"As for the 'VI', this goes back to the fact that originally there were six vitolas made available (since then there have been more)."
And pay attention to the first letters of these original core line vitolas--
Hermosos – Corona Gorda: 5 5/8 x 46
Angeles -Petite Corona: 4 5/8 x 42
Victorias – Corona Especial: 6 x 38
Artistas – Torpedo: 6 1/8 x 52
Nobles – Robusto: 5 x 50
Almirantes – Churchill: 7 x 47
The Havana line-up. <--See what I did there?
::pats self on back for unplanned cleverness::
[source]
So the answer to "Is that the Tatuaje Havana VI Artistas?" is Yes. Yes it is, courtesy of our BFFs at Famous Smoke, who sent them to me and said, "Howzabout you get your Band of Merry Men to smoke these mofos?" <--All my words, their idea.
Speaking of words, humidor retrieval day also included a continuous stream of verbal volleyball because these boys play rough with the cleverness and words--except when they're talking about this Nicaraguan-born Tatuaje, included in Cigar Aficionado's 2014 Top 25. Then they're all hearts and rainbows and sparkles and unicorns. Manly unicorns, of course, but still unicorns.
By the way, the wrapper is Ecuadorian Habano, binder and filler Nicaraguan. The Garcia family, yes, they of My Father Cigars, creates these 6.12 x 52 "Tatuaje Red Label," which Cigar Aficionado describes as "rich, toasty and earthy quality and that leather note found in many Tatuajes."
In an interview with CA, Pete Johnson said about the Garcias, "They’re like family. We kind of grew up with each other. We really made a life for ourselves by doing something together. They give me credit all the time and it’s a two-way street. I praise what they do. I think they’re phenomenal cigarmakers, and they take the time to teach me. They took the time to actually explain the history of what they did, and why they roll the way they roll. That’s why I made a commitment to work with them only." We recommend you follow the link to check out the whole interview.
Anyway, Valentino proclaimed this Tatuaje Havana a fab morning smoke, which thankfully worked just fine, as I demanded cigar ignition soon after truck ignition, so about 9:30 in the morning.
Valentino looks like he's plotting world domination.
Or falling asleep. Why so early, mornings?
As all three caballeros oohed and ahhed over their cigars, I knew Valentino seethed inside. Even though these guys are besties, he hated I gave away "his" most delicious cigars (a frequent occurrence). You'd think them the world's last few Tatuaje Havana VI Artistas ever everever. I promised him an internet visit to Famous for more! Wheeee! Tragedy averted! Internal conflict resolved!
Caballero #2, HerfMobile owner,***** driving. Pinky swear his eyes were open during most of the drive.
Caballero #3. This was his second partaking. I demanded he smoke one the previous week at Habanos:
We were listening to my brother's band, Shuttlecock, which plays at Habanos every Wednesday.
Insert here a series of wonky images as the three gentlemen lifted and organized and planned and coaxed the humidors into the U-Haul. Picture me off to the side, sitting on the empty shop's front stoop, watching, for I am a delicate flower.
Now add more fun through a time-lapse activity montage and the new-to-us humidor is in place, cleaned up, and I, as house humidor manager, happily fill and organize this:
Soooo purty...and organized!
You can't see it in the picture--because it hadn't yet arrived upon the quick snapshot,****** but this is making its way to Casa Awesome:
By the way, Tatuaje, Spanish for "tattoo" and created by Pete Johnson in 2003, is super fun to say. Repeat after me: "tat-oo-ah-hey."
What's that? You want to know why tatuaje? Pete explains during that Q&A with Cigar Aficionado, "The name came about because Robby Levin, Carlos Fuente, Wayne Suarez, they all gave me the name 'Tattoo Pete.' I had tattoos, but my OpusX tattoo really stood out. I kept on looking at different brand names, then I thought 'let’s try Tatuaje.' People said you can’t pronounce the word, but I think it worked to my advantage. People would say, 'do you have those Tats? Do you have those tattoo cigars?'"
Soon enough, all three caballeros and I will have those tattoo cigars; I think they'll fit into that new humidor quite nicely, don't you?
*Really, not that much of an exaggeration.
**Me? Hoisted, actually, as the HerfMobile stands no less than one thousand feet high. A winch was required for loading and a slide for unloading.
***Kurt knew we were coming, obvs. We didn't organize a caper or heist, although it would have been hilarious had we done that, starting with me telling them to go in the wrong direction. Hilarious, I tell you.
****And Valentino's head exploded.
*****Although can someone really ever own the HerfMobile? More like the HerfMobile owns you.
******Obvs, I took the pic. Had Valentino used his mad photography skills, you'd still be gazing at the humidor's beauty and not reading this.
Valentino is one of those guys who hates rule-breakers. If you break a rule, he will be outraged. OUTRAGED--especially if that person gets away with the broken rule.
The first part of that title is me looking at my day-late show-offiness optimistically.
Remember how I highlighted Cigarnival cool activities?* That got me thinking about giant herfs** and the benefits of attending one (or more).
With every Facebook post proclaiming "Everything is Awesome,"*** I had more of the sad for missing this year's Cigarnival.
The other day, we took Caballero #2's HerfMobile to New Hampshire (from Massachusetts, so an hour and a half or so jaunt) and as he drove, smoking some of the event's loot, I wondered what I actually missed, so I started making a list in my head. (I like to make lists a lot. Sometimes I even look at them again.) Also in attendance for the ride: Our pal Mike, who heretofore shall be known as Caballero #3. When we see him this weekend, he shall be properly ordained, so let's keep it between us until after the 4th, okay?
L to R: Newly-anointed Caballero #3,
Carlito Fuente, and Caballero #2
And because fair is fair, here's one of
our hero with Carlito
Full disclosure: I didn't attend the Famous Smoke megaherf because Valentino played in a golf tournament that weekend. I knew I'd never keep up with Caballero #2; he is a world-class socializer and master cigar passer-outterer and CRA**** signer-upperer, so he'd be busy doing those things. I require a more, um, hands-on handler, because given the choice between sitting in a corner reading and gladhanding...well, let's just say I always have a book with me. No need to tell me; I already know: I am a world-class nerd.
So this week's column for iROBUSTO is 5 Things about why you should attend a big-ass herf. (Or something along that line.) You should check it out! In the meantime, I have to go think of something incredibly clever for next week... Damn, the Thursdays come around quickly, don't they? Until then, I leave you with this:
**Not the ones that roam the land, seeking the souls of people who say they're allergic to foods but aren't, just to hop on the bandwagon. What? That's not an alternate definition of herf?? I could have sworn that was a thing. Can we make it one? Even if it's as elusive as a unicorn, just knowing it's out there somewhere thrills me.
***
****Cigar Rights of America. If you aren't a member, you should become one, stat. (I just double-checked my member status before I wrote that. Didn't want to be a hypocrite. All paid up!)
...and not just because they take my word collections and share them with the world, although that doesn't hurt.
Here's some new stuff on iROBUSTO, this time about Cigarnival, the massive shindig hosted by Famous Smoke this past weekend.* Consider me the ghost writer of these pieces--and no, not because I don't have a tan yet this summer and am ghostly white.**
Anyway, check out these five stories, below. All photos blatantly swiped from iROBUSTO.
**And by tan, I mean a collection of freckles getting together giving the illusion of an actual tan. Let's just refer to that bit of crazy as my Irish tan, okay?
