- Open the door for someone and let them go through first.
- Wait until everyone is seated and has their meal before you even think about digging in.
- Say "Please" and "Thank you."
- Push your chair in before you walk away from the table, regardless of where that table is--library, kitchen, conference room.
- Tug on Superman's cape.
- Spit into the wind.
- Pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger.*
- And...don't you dare take Valentino's lighter without permission.
Yeah. That happened. We were at Habanos last night and a couple sat next Valentino.** Cool, right? We like talking to people. They order their drinks and out of the corner of my eye, I see Ms. Grabby McGrabberson wrap her hand around his lighter and bring it towards her. Obviously I had a look of horror on my face. It's a Vector Orbis. They don't make this Vector Orbis anymore. Valentino's Vector Orbis*** is his prized cigar accessory.****
And then she says, "I'm going to use this."
Now one of the many things we love about the cigar culture is the generosity. Want to borrow the lighter/cutter/spouse? No problem! Just ask!
She didn't ask. She just grabbed.***** And then said, "I'm going to borrow this for a second."
Valentino is way cooler than me. My mouth dropped open and my brow furrowed. I couldn't even make word noises. He said, "That's like cutting in front of somebody and then putting your blinker on." She laughed coquettishly, which was not flattering, by the way, and I'm not even saying that in a bitchy-girlfriend way. Just in a human observation way. Next time, I vowed (in my head), I would be ready.
But then. Then! It happened again. I wasn't ready. I thought I'd have more time to concoct a perfectly snarky remark. Obvs, I didn't, because it takes a lot less time to smoke a cigarette than a cigar.
And then again, although the third time she didn't even bother to ask. She just took it. Again, no words. Anyway, do we need to discuss how Valentino lines up his accessories before him on the bar, all evenly spaced? And how she just kind of flung it in that direction, spinning on its little Orbis axis? I guess we don't need to mention it, since this surely happened to you last night:
For more on manners, please watch this. You won't be disappointed. Stay until the end.
*You're welcome for the earworm.
**I always sit on the left. Just because.
***We have two back-ups because they're impossible to find. I may have gotten the last three in the world when we sought a replacement years ago.
****This may change in the next few days. Stay tuned.
*****And we're not even going to question why she needed a torch lighter to light a cigarette.