Sunday, June 28, 2015

Cigar Lounge Manners: Language...

When you were a kid and said a "bad word," did your parental unit*

A. Slap you upside the head?
B. Ignore you?
C. Yell at you, incorporating the same bad words?
D. Give you the death stare and say under his/her breath, Language...?

I have no memory of what my parents did, but I probably didn't swear because I didn't want to get in trouble.**

Now that you're an adult, you can say anything you want! Anything! And no one can stop you because They are not the boss of you.  Ain't life grand?

When you're adulting throughout the day, you know when to keep the F-bombs inside (work) and when to let them rip (when you drop a hammer on your foot).  Then there are the 50 shades of grey areas: Go for it! Swear mostly any place you won't get fired or divorced or arrested for sliding into NC-17 language.

Technically, the cigar lounge falls into this anything-goes category, since it's for grown-ups only.



You know this, but it bears repeating. The cigar lounge is a place where folks can relax and reflect, and slowly enjoy a premium cigar or two. Generally the music (if any) is low, allowing for chats without background noise drowning out the person next to you. Essentially, take everything you know about a sports bar and then consider the complete opposite. Boom. There's your cigar lounge.

Your loud mouth shouldn't spew the F-word and even (gasp) the C-word, whether in anger or for emphasis.  Sure, we all have our moments of cursitude,*** especially when among friends or asshats. But yelling it every other word?


Repetitively in all its forms (adjective, adverb, noun, verb...), especially all in the same sentence?


When loudly discussing your former spouse, current boss, or the neighbor who consistently and carelessly mows a portion of your lawn way too short even though the property delineation is incredibly clear?

No, although we'll cut you a bit of slack for the last one. After all, it's your lawn. The only thing cut and pruned better is your manscape.

Imagine you're settled in at the cigar lounge, finally relaxing from the chaos that is your life, and someone pulls you from your sweet, sweet reverie with a series of FUCKs.**** 

If you fall into the category of people who don't realize they're swearing, you could get one of those shock collars and give your best friend the remote, although I suspect that will result in a skewed swear-to-shock ratio.*****

A better option: When you step into the cigar lounge, imagine your childhood behavior enforcer standing behind you, ready to whack your noggin, holler bloody hell at you, or creepily whisper Language... through clenched teeth.

Because if you're going to do it, do it right.
Look, I'm not saying swearing is bad and you should never do it.****** I'm saying consider the folks around you and your environment before you work yourself into a cursive frenzy.

P.S. (Is that a thing in a blog post? In this blog, abso-fucking-lutely.) Anyway, for your dining and dancing pleasure, I give you...

The top ten times in history when using the "F" word was appropriate (Stolen from the mighty, mighty internets)

"What the fuck was that?"
-- The Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?"
-- General Custer
"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
-- Albert Einstein
"It does SO fucking look like her!"
-- Pablo Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?"
-- Pythagorus
"You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?"
-- Michaelangelo
"I don't suppose it's gonna fucking rain."
-- Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking ass!"
-- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head!"
-- JFK
1. "Aw, c'mon, who the fuck is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton

*Obvs, I came of age in the 1980s.

**I'm SUCH a nerd

***Word I just invented and LOVE.

****The word, not the action.

*****Funny how best friends can simultaneously be your strongest ally and the world's biggest asshole.

******Because damn, I'm good at it!


  1. Agreed. Hate when people are cussing a ton the lounge. I don't cuss, so when I get the F word thrown at or around me, I just feel like leaving.

  2. i also agree with that, a cigar lounge is a place to relax with like minded people, not to hear,cuss fight between loud mouth people.


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